[Charania] BREAKING: The Buss family is entering an agreement to sell majority ownership of the Los Angeles Lakers to Mark Walter, the CEO and chairman of diversified holding company TWG Global, sources tell ESPN. Jeanie Buss will continue to serve in her role as Governor after the sale.

Source:

Mark Walter is entering agreement to purchase majority ownership of the Lakers from the Buss family for a valuation of approximately $10 billion, the largest sale of a professional sports franchise in the world, sources tell ESPN.

There’s an unspoken rule in our office. If you take the last cup, you make the next pot.

One coworker? She never did. Every morning, she’d pour the last cup and walk off like she saved someone a step.

So I waited. Watched her fill her mug, smile, and leave. Then I unplugged the coffee machine and walked away.

Next person found and empty pot and a dead machine. People started asking who the last one was. Her name came up fast.

She had to make a fresh pot under pressure. I enjoyed mine and didn’t say word.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/

My [27/F] GF [30/F] hasn't had a job in 4 years and it's wearing me down

TWs: Financial Abuse, Emotional Abuse/Manipulation, Medical Neglect

October 28, 2020

Hi everyone,

I started a LDR with a girl I met through a friend, which lasted about a year, and culminated her moving across state lines to be with me in the city. Everything was great, and we were truly in love with each other. Because she moved across state lines, and because she expressed the desire to leave her toxic field of choice and try her hand at something more banal, I agreed to take on the burden of supporting her for a while until she had a job. She would take on most of the cleaning and groceries etc. while I was at work. I even agreed to sleep on a mattress in the kitchen because she had chronic insomnia problems and required very specific constraints under which she got sleep (I could not tolerate these while working).

I feel like I've done everything I could for her, including taking care of her expensive medical needs, which destroyed my savings. After around 1.5-2 years, I started to develop an anxiety disorder under the stress of supporting her. What had at first been something I was willing to do out of kindness and love quickly became a consent issue, and has turned into a burden. Fast forward to now, 4 years after she came to the city, and still no job. I am a nervous wreck, and I feel completely emotionally run down by the burden of supporting her. I've destroyed my body by putting on weight due to the stress as well. I used to be pretty happy and carefree, but now I'm just depressed and anxious all the time. We have a nonexistent sex life because my sex drive has tanked completely. I don't know what to do because I still love her and we have a loving romantic relationship otherwise. She's never really done anything... wrong... if that makes sense. She's been loving, helpful, and genuinely seems affected by not succeeding in finding a job and helping shoulder the burden.

I never really cared for my mental health much before, but it's really starting to affect me. I've become emotionally unstable, and sometimes the stress and resentment come through in my interactions with her. The hardest part about this is that I can tell she's trying and just... failing. I've tried to help and I've been rebuffed several times and only able to help a bit, but otherwise, she hasn't done anything wrong. If she has, I haven't been able to tell what's she's doing wrong in particular, because I can't and don't want to be there 24/7 to monitor every job application! But I am resentful because I feel like I've sacrificed everything from my body to my mental health to make this relationship happen, but it's just not happening. What do I do?

To make it clear, this is a big, deal-breaking issue for me that I've told her is my primary source of stress and anxiety. I don't see much change, and I think she's too ashamed at this point to give me updates, which just compounds my stress because of the radio silence.

tl;dr ldr gf turned irl hasn't had a job in 4 years and I've gone from happy to anxious wreck supporting her. What do?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

nafets_xx

How is she failing? To what kind of work is she applying? What field did she leave? I understand you love her and want this to work. Based on what you said, this isn’t her taking advantage, she’s just having a hard time. However, you are too and there needs to be a solution if you want to stay together. Why can’t she take SOMETHING just while she searches? I imagine the four year gap is working against her, she might need to start from scratch.

Also, you need help. As in, help taking care of yourself and your finances. If she can’t get it together, maybe she needs to go home for a while so you can get a break. Re your emotional state, I don’t know if you’re insured, but perhaps speak to a therapist.

Good luck, friend.

OOP

"How is she failing? To what kind of work is she applying? What field did she leave?"

She has an MBA, but she doesn't seem to be getting any responses from recruiters, and hasn't been to a single interview in the 4 years. She left politics after 13 years (starting from teen volunteer), so this is a huge shift. I believe she's applying to Director-level or senior level positions, but I can't confirm it. I know that this would be a huge error if it were true, but like I said, I'm trying not to micromanage how and where she applies to, hoping she'd do the right thing on her own.

"Based on what you said, this isn’t her taking advantage, she’s just having a hard time."

I'm inclined to agree with this. I'm fine with temp jobs, but I previously asked that she not take a minimum-wage hourly role, because I thought it'd be a waste of time and a bit of a cop out given her experience and degree. That may have been a mistake.

"Also, you need help. As in, help taking care of yourself and your finances. If she can’t get it together, maybe she needs to go home for a while so you can get a break. Re your emotional state, I don’t know if you’re insured, but perhaps speak to a therapist."

We've done the "week long break" thing before, but it seems like I need it every quarter or so to stay sane, which is a big ask. I am insured and I've recently started going to a therapist where I'll be talking about this stuff. I've previously asked GF to go to couple's therapy, but she's against it.

~

Additional comment from OOP

"You can be a safety blanket but not an enabler."

I believe I made a mistake which erred into the "enabler" territory. I was expecting that if I removed all barriers to success, then she would be successful. However, that didn't seem to have an effect on the outcome, and I wound up failing to advocate for myself instead.

"Talk to her OP, set expectations and tjme- bound goals."

I spoke to her tonight about professional career counseling. She is going tomorrow to see one. This weekend, I'm going to review her applications and resume. In the meantime, I've set a 2-3 month deadline (technically, January is her 4 year anniversary). We haven't spoken about concrete splits, but I did make it very clear that 4 years is unacceptable, and that, while my thinking has been "when she gets a job", I've started to think about what happens "if she doesn't get a job". And I think the situation calls for breaking up, because it's simply not healthy for me, mentally or physically.

"Has she taken online courses, certifications? Free self-directed resources or improvement books? Mock interviews? Networking/cold emails?"

We've been over certifications and online courses. At one point I pointed her in the direction of Project Management certifications, but she didn't show interest in following through with the certs. She does not network, but she does do cold emails, and tries to work with recruiters. No mock interviews.

"Four years is not an acceptable gap, she needs to start. She needs to be held accountable with follow through and/or deal with repurcussions. You know she can flourish".

I agree. I haven't been good on accountability, but I think we're at that point.

October 19, 2021 (Almost a year later)

TLDR: Broke up. She was taking advantage in the last two years.

I posted about a 4 year relationship causing me mental, emotional, and physical health problems due to said partner failing to find a job or contribute to the finances in any meaningful way. I made the post at the height of the COVID in my area, trying to keep the relationship alive. At the time, we had moved to a new state and a smaller town to live more cheaply, and to help address my physical needs that couldn't be met in the city with everything and everyone locked down.

Things were good for a few months. However, the job question came back again. I was working full time, and had taken on new responsibilities for keeping myself in shape, working hard to lose the weight. That's when I noticed she was just kind of... existing. She wasn't excited about anything in the area, and wasn't doing much to find jobs. I had a talk with her in October, and we agreed that perhaps my request that she find a salaried 9-6 job could be relaxed, and part time would be sufficient to help out. After all, I only needed two things from her: space from time to time, and her to help out in any way she could with the finances.

The first of two final straws occurred that winter: I was working to build a new business from scratch, and I had to leave my job in order to do it, which meant around ~4 months of negative income. It was going to be tight, but she agreed to help support by finding an easy job. This support never came. She couldn't do it, or didn't want to. I began to notice it felt more like the latter. As a result, we barely made rent in February, thanks to my taking on contract work on the side (effectively working two jobs).

We had a huge fight in February over this. I wasn't willing to be that close to being homeless just because she didn't want to work a job that was beneath her qualifications. I made it explicit that this was a deal breaker for me, and that I would not move an inch in the relationship until she started contributing in the way we discussed. She agreed.

Another 5 months went by with no job. At this point, frustrated with her lack of success, she asks me to move with her to her hometown and move in with her parents while she looks for a job where she had a network. I flat out refused and we went on break. I moved to a new state and hoped that maybe some space would allow me to think clearly about the relationship.

By September this year, I realized I felt completely happy to be on my own, and stress free. We broke it off completely. To my knowledge, she still doesn't have a job as of this post.

I feel used, emotional, physically, and financially abused, and hurt by how casually someone could run me into the ground like this. But I also feel hopeful about myself, and I'm seeing a therapist who's helping me unpack it all. Further, my business was worth it, and it's taken off and given me enough time and space to deal with all of this while maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Overall, the biggest downer is I feel like i've just wasted 5 years of my life with someone who I'm fairly sure was a subtle abuser the whole time. It hurts to say it, but the way I always felt like the bad guy, or the way she would guilt trip me and keep me from my friends... bad news. I'll never let anyone do this to me again.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

You know the ones: the type who idolize Patrick Bateman/Eric Cartman/Walter White/Homelander/Rick Sanchez. The ones with the media-literacy and self-awareness of a particularly stupid chimp.