"No" Means Yes
Last edited: May 31, 2025, 8:11 PMLet’s look at the penultimate of the conversation on 10/1. At this point, the conversation has lasted 7 hours.
1. It seemed like a healthy discussion
This conversation goes over the goals of Lyric and Thor’s relationship. In this excerpt we will see that
- Lyric states 4 times that they are not interested in a committed relationship
- Thor states he is not interested in any arrangement where a sexual partner is not in a committed relationship with him.
To reiterate from before:
- Lyric is not interested in a committed relationship
- Thor is only interested in a sexual partner who is in a committed relationship with him
In the above messages, we see Thor acknowledge that their goals are incompatible.
Let’s think about acceptable ways to proceed in this situation. (As an exercise to the reader, you may think about more ways about how you might proceed.) Try to guess which approach Thor will take.
Hypothetically:
- Redefine the relationship, eg “Alright, I respect your decision to stay single. I value our connection and honestly want to keep you in my life, but for now it would be best to stay as friends”
- Step back to establish emotional connection, eg “Let’s try focusing on our emotional connection—with no sexual expectations—and then reassess how we feel.”
It is at this point that I will mention again that Thor is 31 years old and Lyric is 20 years old. Think about that deeply for a moment, and then read each person’s goals and look at the options again. Does this 11-year age gap affect your answer?
2. Thor doesn’t accept Lyric’s boundaries
By now, it’s established Thor wants a committed sexual relationship, while Lyric does not want any form of commitment. It is clear that Lyric’s wants and Thor’s wants are incompatible. It would make sense to drop it at this point. However we see Thor is refusing to let Lyric go, still trying to convince Lyric to devote themselves to him.
Read his last message again. If you think that sounds weird, and that “not boning other peeps” is the commitment of dating, then you would be very much correct. Why would Thor say something so absurd? Well, take into account the power dynamic. Lyric, at age 20 and unsure of their own stance as evidenced in the conversation prior, is in no position to challenge this statement from the older and wiser Thor. This is not the first time Thor says something absurd with the goal of reshaping Lyric’s reality.
So, he can reshape reality, but why make this specific leap in logic? Thor takes this stance because Lyric has been reiterating that they do not want a commitment. It’s phrased so that Thor can get what he wants (commitment) while convincing Lyric it is also what they want (not commitment).
3. Thor says “close friends” aren’t real
4. Thor says you are already committed
We see that Thor continues even further to try to convince Lyric that they want to date him.
Thor’s last message aims to convince Lyric to devote themselves to him. It is essentially this argument: “I know you said you don’t want any commitment, but really you just don’t know what you’re talking about! I know deep down what you actually want is a commitment with me.”
In Thor’s version of reality, a commitment doesn’t have to be made verbally. It’s implicit! So Lyric is already doing these things, eg. not having sex with other people. Therefore, Lyric logically is already in a commitment with Thor. So now Lyric just has to say it.
5. Thor defines commitment for Lyric
In the following section, Thor continues to manipulate Lyric to date him.
This is also painting a black and white: Either Lyric is inferior and should trust Thor to define relationship dynamics, or Lyric is purposefully trying to manipulate Thor. Lyric knows he is not trying to manipulate Thor, therefore Lyric should not trust themselves and believe in Thor's reality.
