I am not going to kill myself

Thank goodness and thank you for letting us know.  Your first post on the topic really dug into me.  Not in the sense that it gave me suicidal thoughts, but it sure as hell gave my Prozac prescription a lot of extra work.  People care about you, Matt.  It’s been a rough several months for everyone.  I can’t lift you up from my perch at this computer keyboard, but please hang in there.

Uh, Dave…?

From your perch at that keyboard, more often than not, you lift us ALL up.

Good to hear.  Feel free to mail me via private message, and I’ll give you my personal contact info, in case you ever want or need to talk to someone. And I’m someone. :)

Regardless, I of course, am not as good as a licensed therapist.  

FYI, my dad (recently retired) was a shrink for many years.  I’m a big believer in therapy (if it’s good!).

Best news of the past few days! Thank you!

Thank you, Matt.

Thank you Matt. The world is a better place today because of your decision. You made the right first step. Start small, get a little more brave each day. 
 

strength and peace to you. 

I’m glad. I know this is an incredibly stressful situation for you, and I believe people here will continue to come together to help each other as I’ve seen over the years since I joined.

Hey, glad you came here to talk about it. I always feel better when I do. 

Always my first step and I can physically feel the load starting to lift. It's slight but it's a beginning. Baby steps Matt. First step is the hardest and you already did it. Huzzah!

I know, Granny.  Been on the floor nearly curled in the fetal position since Tuesday (and, oh, the hangover), but today it started to feel like, yeah you think you won?  FUCK  YOU.  I know I’m not alone feeling so smacked in the head, the heart.  Down so low.  But, hey, we’re still alive, still here, still a thorn, then a sword.  As I said to Matt, we will NEVER SURRENDER.

today it started to feel like, yeah you think you won? FUCK YOU.

Yes.  I agree.

Again, hugs.

Keep passing the open windows.

Yay!!!!!!  Whoopeee and goody!!  So glad Matt to have you with us.   Hugs, back slaps and hearty handshakes to you.  So glad to make you acquaintance these last few days.  Episode 3 of Gilda and Meek and the Un-Iverse next.  

Thank you!

Your welcome and THANK YOU for all the sweet things you do.

Watch out for Issue 7. Furthest thing from sweet. You have been warned. 

Looking forward to Issue 7… and 8…  and 9!   We need you, Matt! 

Hee Hee Hee!  Oh the anticipation!  I thought Piranha swallowing the Melcore possessed rubrics cube robot was a sour moment as she lay dying.  But in the end, restoration and renewal.  Hoping for more of that too in the story and in the Nation. 

Piranha is a he. 

Ooops, sorry Matt.  

So, so glad to hear this.

We are going to need as many standing in solidarity as we can in the days to come. Each one of us strengthens the whole, more than any of us knows or can fully appreciate while we are here.

I am glad to hear this.

Please take care

(Big hug.)

Hugs back. 

This is good news indeed! 

Matt I am so happy you were able to work through this 🥰 DK mail me if you ever need 💕💕💕

I am reading Marie Yavonovitch's memoir Lessons From The Edge to get through this most recent slide of our reality toward Bizarro World. Maybe it would help you also.

Glad to hear you’re sticking around, my brother.

Thank you, Matt.  So grateful to you, and happy for your sister, your parents, your good friend, and all of your friends here at DKos.  We’ll be here whenever you need us.  And, it’s good to know that you will be here for us, too.  That’s what friends are for.

I understand the feeling, but the world would be even shittier without you. Thank you for thinking things over and accepting help from others. 🙏

 That makes me very happy to hear,Matt Z!!!!❤You are loved here. 

Wonderful news, Matt!!! You are part of what makes the world a better place for us here at DK. I’m crying with happiness for you. (((💙Matt💙)))

Hi, Friend,

I was once involuntarily committed after having local police literally saved my life by wrestling me to the ground and disarming me. 
 

Being in the hospital was the best worst thing that ever happened to me. It was profoundly humbling and profoundly uncomfortable. It was also a firehouse of perspective, an emphatic break from my situation (which had nothing to do with politics), and a pathway to tools and resources that have helped me greatly.

Even today, as we face a time of unique peril, I’m happier and healthier than I was then. When you’re clinically depressed and anxious, it’s easy to lose sight of other choices you can make and other paths that you can take. That’s why it’s called mental illness. I had become unwell, and through treatment, I got better.

Even though I have never met you, know that you are special and have much to offer JUST FOR BEING YOU. And trust that things can get better. Trust me.

Thank you.

Hold fast to this, Matt:

you are special and have much to offer JUST FOR BEING YOU

I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping you were going to choose to stick around with us.  I'm so glad.  We all need to band together and push forward together.  We prefer to do it with you.

Thanks. 

yes. if only my brother had called me.

Very sorry for your loss dbbthebruce.

Thank you.

It was about seven years ago if I recall correctly. After T was first elected. But not related to that. Complicated. Matt Z, stay with us.  

I will.

We were worried about you! Glad to hear your friend talked you down.

😘😘😘😘😘😘😘💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

Glad to hear it.  And I think you saying this could help other people as well.  Take care!

I am so glad to hear this

And I don’t know what to say otherwise.  But I do care fwiw.  Keep the faith man.

Coming from someone who has been suicidal my whole life, glad to hear you’re going to hang in there … I constantly think about doing it and it’s been ratcheted up since trump won because of my fear and my depression kicking into overdrive … there are three things keeping me from it though … one is the hope (I don’t know how I hang onto any) that somehow it won’t be as bad (especially living in a blue state) that my overworked imagination thinks it will be … another is the fear of death … and last, but actually the biggest, is my worry about what it would do to my family … as scary as things are and as suicidal as I’ve been my whole life, I think about what would happen to my family and how selfish it would be for me to take my own life and leave them behind in such a way … ppl suicide every day and it destroys families and I can understand, to some extent, why they do it… hopefully when it’s my turn to go, it’s either going to be natural causes or taking down some fascists!!! We can get through this together, none of us should feel like we have to go through it alone.  Many ppl around here have been nice to me and read my doom and gloom posts and tried to pick me up from it and I appreciate it. Be safe all.

Thank you for sticking around! I have a best friend who has the same experience with ongoing ideation. We talk every day, and every day I'm glad she called, even when it's hard on me too. I have been really lucky that friends or family or just people from the Internet have been there for me, and if any small piece of that can be paid forward, I hope it can reach everyone here who's suffering too. ❤️

Thank you and I’m glad you and your friend have each other.

You are cared for here too.

Thank you.  

Don’t, don’t. Hold fast.

I’ve been suicidal my entire life as well.

You have three anchors; let me give you a fourth.

If you leave, the bad guys win. That’s my final breakwater, the one that stops me when almost nothing else will. It’s reinforced by another one, How Would Anyone Ever Explain It To My Cat?

If we leave, the bad guys win. I don’t think there’s been a time in our nation’s history when this was half as true as it is now.

Hold, hold fast. You have company. I’m sailing right behind.

oh my .. a cat lover! how many and what kind? I'm a cat person, have been my whole life,  I miss not having one .. cats have such fantastic personalities! I know you're right about the bad guys winning,  just don't know what use I'll be,  but there's a saying that just continuing to live against all life throws at you sometimes is a big thing .. and even though I can't imagine what I can do to fight the evil,  I'd still be one more person standing against it! I'll never understand,  there isn't a single reason that anyone can give that would excuse voting for a fascist POS that has no single redeeming human quality,  none! Anyway, I'll hang on, I try to not think about it otherwise I end up in a very dark place,  darker than normal at least.  pet your cat for me. 

At 70, I’ve shared my life with… twelve, at my parent’s home, not all at once, and that was between the ages of 7 and 22. My folks had as many as six at once during that time.

from age 22 to the present, another eleven. At most I had four at once. I went overseas and back with three, the same three going and returning.

Now I have one. It feel so strange, having only one.

That doesn’t include about another seven rescues I paid to board, or fostered, until they could be adopted.

I had a kitty who kept me alive and sober in a dark time. Who would take care of him if I was gone?

I need a visit to the cat cafe to touch some fur.

neighbor has cats and at least one of them comes over a lot (trying to get to the birds that come around because I have a bird feeder out) … it just runs when I go outside … I do miss having a kitten/cat curl up on me and feel them purring.

Oh, here — the kitties I had in 1983 were two tabby littermates, a brother and sister, the sister was red and the brother was brown. These look a little bit like them.

x

x

x

x

We all need to stay around and stick together. 

So glad that you’re still here.

I’ve struggled with depression most of my life, and even made some suicide attempts, one of which actually killed me for a few minutes. I am lucky to be here.

Hope and gratitude are my lifelines. I wouldn’t still be alive without them.

I did a half hearted attempt at suicide when I was a kid … didn’t do enough to warrant a hospital or anything … my mom told me if I tried it again she’d have me committed … never took me to see anyone though … I’ve gone to ppl as an adult, I’ve even tried some medications they’ve prescribed … none of it has helped … and somehow I’m able to act in such a way that ppl don’t see it and one of the ppl I was going to said I was cured … guess some of us are able to hide it better, no matter how much darkness we feel inside … I barely hang onto hope and I’m sure I should have gratitude, but sometimes at rant at the powers that be for keeping me alive while truly good ppl, ppl who are actually making a difference in the world, have their lives snuffed out … but only the good die young.

Take care of yourself and please ask this community for help if you ever need it in the future.  We’re in the fight together against Trump’s incoming fascist regime.

Your decision to stay with us is the only happy news of the day!  And it totally made my day!  Thank you for that! 

I wanted to make sure to tell you that because we often think that we make no difference in the world, when the real problem is that people don’t take the time to tell one another just how much their words and actions mean to them.

Yes. Exactly!

I understand the desire to leave. But, to quote an old friend… Never give up! Never surrender!

Never, never, never, never, never!

Glad to hear it, Matt!!!  Ironically, it was a suicide attempt of my own that actually woke me up to how valuable life is (too long and stupid a story to relate).  But it was the very act of attempting to do it that actually woke me up….. never give up.  NEVER.  Be like Churchill and say to yourself “we shall NEVER SURRENDER!”  Hugs to you, friend, and I mean that hug, truly.

I see were both survivors.  I pray there is  higher purpose in our fight against Maga corruption.

There is RU, there is.  Even when it seems impossible.  As Aragorn said “but it is not this day.”

Matt, nice to see you.  Suicide survivor here — antidepressants are a must in our house.  And I’ve lost several close friends and relatives over this Maga shit.  Those people have no morals and are evil.  Karma is watching.  Please take care of yourself and others!!

Thank you. I'm staying too. 

Awesome KaliDave. Too valuable to lose. 

I’m glad. 

I’m glad you’re still here with us and have people around who care about you! Praying for you.

I am so glad to hear that. OTOH, I am a little sad that it’s because someone said something upsetting. But hey, whatever works! We all need to get over the shock of this year. Give yourself lots of time and TLC. 

Glad you are still around, if you’ve not heard it before, its worth a listen.

#Persist!

“Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go
I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live”

  Thank you Matt, this is the only good news that I’ve heard this week.  I really understand where you're coming from and I care about you.  You’re a good person.

Thank you.

Damn straight you’re going to stick around because we all need you in this fight.  Your presence is a reassurance to many.  When I see “Matt Z” I know I better read that comment.

Thank you for saying that!

Don’t underestimate your positive influence on people.  I for one am thankful that you’re here.

🥰🤗😊

Wonderful Matt!!!!! As a lifelong depressive I get it. GrampyCT has been watching me and worrying. So happy you reached out. Family, friends and I hope your friends here are all behind you buddy.

Awwww. About Grampy. And about you. Hugs.

Thank you!

Good.

Very good, even.

Possibly spectacular.

I am so glad you are here, Matt! You don’t know me but I think you’re super and look forward to your comments. Best wishes. 

Thank you. 

YAY, Matt!  You have been on my mind.  I had a suicide plan once, and was talked out of it.  Really glad, now.

So glad to hear it, Matt! We all love you here. We are a community and we have love, compassion and empathy. Something the other side will never understand. It’s our superpower.

Dude, I was worried about you! Take care and don’t let them get you down.

My sentiments have also changed within the past 12 hours.

Yeah, it’s good not to be impulsive isn’t it? 

My family tends to agree.  But now it becomes obvious that I need something on my bucket list other than just The Bucket. 

Thank God, Matt. I’m sorry I didn’t see this earlier, I’ve been dozing off and on because I didn’t sleep for more than 24 hours during The Election Of The Yam.

Anyway I’m extremely glad you’re feeling steadier now.

Hugs

Thanks for the update Matt. Very pleased to hear it. Stay strong.

I’ll try. 

I trust your courage and feel confident you will stay strong.  Never hesitate to reach out for support, though, in the dark times, if you need a reminder that you are a precious, treasured, valued person.

All right. Thanks. 

I too have been at the bottom of the black pit.  I remember how tiny and far away the pinprick of light above looked.

I don't know you Matt other than seeing your name on pixels online, but always liked your outspoken,honest style.  I will sleep better tonight knowing we still share the planet together, and the world is much better off with you still with us!

Thank you.