Dear World: Don’t come to the U.S. for the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Seriously. We love you too much to let you make that mistake.
Republicans are out here smiling like Walmart greeters saying, “Come enjoy the festivities! But when your game’s over, get the hell out.” Very welcoming. Soak up the vibes, then report to deportation, apparently.
Let’s be clear. This is not a safe country right now. We’ve got Proud Boys playing mall cop, police officers itching to turn your World Cup jersey into prison scrubs, and Stephen Miller, the cryptkeeper of civil liberties, actively pushing to eliminate habeas corpus. That means if you sneeze too foreign near a MAGA rally, you might just disappear. No trial. No rights. Just vibes. Fascist ones.
You thought you were booking a trip to see Messi. You’re actually signing up for Escape Room: ICE Edition.
And look, we’re not saying this because we’re anti-soccer. We’re saying it because we’re pro-you-not-getting-thrown-in-a-detention-center-for-smiling-wrong.
So do yourself a favor. Watch from home. Cheer from afar. America is not safe for tourists, locals, or anyone who believes in due process. This isn’t about sport anymore. It’s survival.
Stay where human rights still exist. We’ll catch you on the livestream.
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