Member-only story
How I Beat Derealization and Got My Mind Back
The conversation surrounding this mental illness needs to change.
I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person, but there was one day in 2018 that changed my life in the worst way possible.
On one Sunday in mid-May, I ate a pot-brownie and spiraled into a deep state of derealization. It was like waking up in the matrix. The world around me became fuzzy, confusing, and distant.
I stayed in that state for more than 9 months.
I had panic attacks regularly. I couldn’t sleep. I cried constantly. I almost killed myself.
I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t feel like a man anymore. I didn't feel like a human being anymore. Up until that point in my life, I had been depressed and I had been anxious, but I’d never experienced anything that made me feel like I was actually going insane. I was a prisoner in my own mind, a slave to my fears, and at the beck and call of the voice in my head that wanted me dead.
The way I viewed the world, mental health, and myself completely changed.
This is the full story of how I overcame one of the rarest forms of anxiety, despite the fact that most mental health professionals that I encountered had no idea what it was.
