- Londoner Holly Graham moved to Asia the day after she turned 24.
- She lived in Thailand, South Korea, and Hong Kong, with her career shifting from teaching to writing to bartending.
- In her mid-30s, she moved to Tokyo, where she now faces the challenge of running a cocktail bar with her husband.
I moved to Thailand to teach English the day after I turned 24. I realized right away that I wasn't built for my native London, and wanted to create a life outside the UK.
My next home was in Seoul, for two years, followed by a decade in Hong Kong — the one place I truly felt at home. It was there that I got my career back on track and left teaching, for it hadn't been part of my career plan, just a means to an end for living a life abroad.
I landed my dream job as the food and drink editor of Time Out Hong Kong and found myself falling in love with Asia's cocktail scene. Hong Kong's bartending community felt like my people — I finally found a place where I truly fit in.
I turned my focus to books and bartending
I'd worked in hospitality on and off since I was 14, running plates in a London greasy spoon, and decided it was time to get back into bartending.
I later moved on to become the managing editor of DRiNK Magazine Asia, while I was simultaneously bartending at The Old Man Hong Kong. I traveled with the team to do pop-ups and became even more ingrained in Asia's cocktail world. The Old Man went on to take the No. 1 spot at Asia's 50 Best Bars 2019, and my eyes were wide open to this fascinating world.
I eventually left the bar to concentrate on writing and went on to publish my first book, "Cocktails of Asia." It was my love letter to the bar scene that had made me feel so at home. The book caught my now-business partner's attention and recently led me to Japan to help open a bar, Tokyo Confidential, in the capital. My partner is private and prefers not to be mentioned.
My husband and I were both hesitant about moving to Japan
It was a difficult decision to make. One of my toughest yet. I had built a beautiful home in Hong Kong, and formed a tight-knit community of friends. I knew it wouldn't be the same elsewhere, especially somewhere as geographically huge as Tokyo.
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But I had to ask myself, what was I really doing? I had hit a bit of a ceiling in my editorial role, and my husband — who is a cofounder of Tokyo Confidential — was miserable in his job.
My parents always said how brave I was for moving abroad. I never understood this, as they'd never traveled much, so how would they know? Bravery didn't even come to mind for me, but they were right. You're braver when you're younger. In our mid-30s, we were freaking out about change and knew that if we were going to do this, we were going to give our absolute all.
Moving was easier when I was younger
After a dozen trips to Japan over the past decade, I thought I was pretty familiar with the country. Before moving to Thailand and South Korea, I'd never been, and got on just fine. Perhaps it was because my innate ability to adapt anywhere was stronger in my 20s.
It soon became clear that living in Tokyo was a completely different ballgame. Let alone being the proprietor of a cocktail bar. And a woman.
Don't get me wrong — living in Thailand was wild. I was left alone in a parking lot for three hours on arrival with a hot dog and some rice, wondering what the hell I'd done. In Seoul, I had to learn the language fast, or I would've had a very limited experience. But like I said, maybe it's different when you're younger. Now it felt like there was more at stake.
It was stressful to move house and start a new job
Moving to another country and operating a brand new business was even more so. This, combined with the insane amount of bureaucracy carried out through systems and technology firmly rooted in the 1990s, made moving to Japan tough.
There's only one bank that non-Japanese can apply for, and things like registering your residency and changing address means hours of waiting in line at the ward office, among other hurdles. It was only a few months ago that the government announced they will no longer use floppy discs, so there's that.
The language barrier is different when you're living here and not just fumbling along as a tourist. The pressure of getting things done also differs when you have a team of young, enthusiastic bartenders relying on you to mentor them.
Living in Japan has not been not easy
But in a way, that's the best part. We're here to add something new to the bar scene. There are so many wonderful things about living here that outweigh the challenges, and that said, I live for a challenge.
People are really supportive of me trying to learn Japanese, and they know full well how tough it can be living here. The local and global reception to Tokyo Confidential, our craft cocktail bar, has been amazing, too, especially after so many people told me it wouldn't work.
I see people's faces light up when they walk in and experience our drinks and hospitality. Within just a few months of opening, we clocked in at 53 on Asia's 50 Best Bars 2024 Extended List and were recognized as one of the Top 10 Best New International Cocktail Bars at the Tales of the Cocktail Spirited Awards 2024.
It's been less than a year since we opened and I'm so grateful I get to call Japan home.
Correction: August 9, 2024 — An earlier version of this story misstated Graham's job title. Graham is the cofounder of Tokyo Confidential.
Got a personal essay about culture shock or relocating that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.
