"What?" I sputtered.
"You heard me," Sera said. "We are effectively married."
"But isn't there a way to divorce?" I said.
"Not from what I remember," Sera replied. "I never heard of vampires divorcing."
"Great," I said. "That's just awesome."
"But it's not good," Sera said, cocking her head.
"It's - uh, whatever," I said. I made a mental note to explain 'sarcasm' to Sera. "We need to go to my place."
"Alright," she said, and turned into a bat.
I turned into a bat and flew after her.
Three chapters in, and we've finally said the sentence said at the beginning of the story. Nice, isn't it?
I flew up beside Sera and said in bat, "This way."
She nodded and followed behind me. We flew towards London. I'm American, but there was quite a bit more vampiric activity in the U.K. than in the U.S. In about 12 hours, we arrived at the abandoned St. George's cathedral. I changed back into a human and called for Sera to come down. She did so and changed back.
"Come on," I said. "This is where I live."
"A…church?" she said, confused.
"Well, yeah," I said. "Along with the fact that I'm Christian, churches are surprisingly cozy once you have a bed or something."
"You're a Christian vampire?" she said, even more confused.
"Uh, yeah," I said.
"But - we're demons," she said, trying to be reasonable.
"No - we have demons in us," I corrected. "The person is still there, it's just sharing the body with the demon."
"How would you know this?" she asked.
I shrugged. "Just do. I have control of the demon - most of the time. That's why I can touch crosses. That and the fact that I'm Christian. Anyway, come on. I live in the basement, which you could argue technically isn't the church. Enter freely and of your own will."
"Okay," Sera said reluctantly.
We walked into the church and headed for the stairs. We went down them and into the basement. I turned on the lights and the gaslights flickered to life.
"This is what people's houses look like now?" she asked.
The basement was seperated into two rooms - a larger room and my bedroom. In the larger room, there was a couch and a resting chair, as well as several bookcases. There was a fireplace and my resting chair was facing it. Off to the side was a door that led to the bedroom.
"Nice, isn't it?" I said.
"It's very small," she said. "Way smaller than my father's castle."
"Nooo, I thought this was a mansion," I replied.
"No, it's not," Sera said. "It's a basement."
"Okay, I need to teach you about a little something called 'sarcasm'," I said. "It's when people say something and they mean something else."
"You're very smart," Sera said.
"Well, thank - "
"How was that for sarcasm?" she said.
"Wha - hey!" I said. "You know what, whatever. It's gonna be dawn soon. You can sleep in my bed. I'll be on the couch."
"Okay, fine," she said. "Where is your bed?"
"Through the door," I said.
She nodded and went through the door. I went over to a bookcase and grabbed the Iliad. I lay down on the couch and started reading. After a while, I put the book down and just lay there, thinking. If Sera and I were married, what did that mean? Was she gonna have to stay with me forever? That would make sense, as we could only drink from each other. But what about animals? Could we drink from them?
I was on the verge of going to sleep when I heard a cry from Sera. In a flash, I was in my bedroom. Sera was on the edge of the bed against the wall, and on the other side by the upper window were a black and a white cat. The white cat was licking her paw.
"Well, that was rude," said the white cat.
"They can talk?!" yelped Sera.
"Of course we can talk," said the black cat.
"Yeah, they're witches," I said.
"I'm a warlock," corrected the black cat.
"Yeah, yeah," I said. "Sera, the white cat is Hilda. The black cat's name is Salem."
"Because you had to name us after that witch and her cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch," said Salem.
"Yeah, come on," said Hilda.
"Well, that's what popped into my head!" I said. "and at least I changed your names. You used to be - "
"Nuh-uh-uh," Salem interrupted.
"We're still wanted in the U.S. by the Wha," said Hilda.
"Wha?" asked Sera.
"The WHA," explained Salem. "Witch Hunters Association."
"Ah," said Sera.
"Why did you scream when you saw us?" asked Hilda.
"You startled me!" Sera said, annoyed. "You climbed in through the window!"
"We're cats," said Salem.
"So…I can go sleep?" I said.
"About that," Sera said. "This thing is way too soft! Do you have a nice coffin with some fresh dirt?"
"Okay, for one thing, no," I said. "For another, too soft? It's a bed! It's supposed to be soft!"
"I regularly sleep in a coffin, Will," she said.
"You slept in a coffin for over four hundred years!" I said. "I would've thought you'd be tired of a coffin!"
"Nope," Sera said.
I sighed. "Fine. But like I said, I don't have a coffin, so you'll just have to deal. Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?"
"I don't know," she said. "Unless…could you sleep in the bed with me?"
That shocked me. "Uh…what?"
"I don't know," she said. "I just…feel like I'll sleep better. If my, er, husband is in the bed with me."
"All right," I said. Then I got an idea. "Hang on. There's a book I need to get."
I ran back into my living room and grabbed a book. I ran back into the bedroom and sat on the bed. Sera sat down beside me.
"What's that?" she said.
"I got it a while ago, from a friend," I said. "It's called 'Vampiric Marriage' by Spike Van Blinder. That's not his actual name, but whatever."
Sera looked over my shoulder. "Why did your friend give it to you?"
"Michael Van Helsing," I said. "descendant of Dr. Van Helsing, one of the guys who killed Dracula. Also a werewolf. Nice guy, but a joker. Anyway, I never looked at the book, since I wasn't married, so I forgot about it."
"Well, what's it say?" Sera said.
"Hang on," I said." Okay, here it is. 'When two vampyres marry, they must drink the blood of one another. Afterwards, they shall drink from no one else except each other.' Okay, knew that. 'If they divorce, one must die, so the other may drink from another.'"
"I'd rather we didn't divorce," said Sera.
"Me, too," I said. "'Once two vampyres have married, they shall grow closer and closer together until they cannot live without each other, regardless of divorce.'"
We were silent for a moment.
"Well, that's nice," I said finally.
"Explains why we knew each other's names," Sera said.
"And why we want to sleep in bed with each other," I added.
"Wait, we?" she asked.
"Yeah, I wanna sleep in the bed with you," I admitted. It was true, too.
"Well, then," she said, smiling. It was a beautiful smile. "We're married, aren't we?"
I grinned. "That is true. Let's sleep."
"Together," she said.
"Together," I agreed.
I climbed in bed with Sera, and we were about to go to sleep when there was a knock on the door into the basement. Then another. Then another.
"Alright, alright, I'm coming!" I said, grumbling.
Sera climbed out of bed and followed me. We opened the door and I saw a man standing at the door. He was covered in fur.
"Hey, Will," Michael Van Helsing started, then he stopped. He said, "Who is she and why is she wearing 1600-age clothes?"
"Ah, yes," I said. "Sera, this is Michael Van Helsing. Michael, this is Seraphine, my, er, wife."
"I'm sorry, Seraphine?" he said. "As in Princess Seraphine Drakul?"
"Yup," I said.
"And I'm sorry, WIFE?!" Michael said, growing hysterical. "YOU MARRIED THE DAUGHTER OF COUNT DRACULA?!"
"It was an accidental marriage," Sera said.
"ACCIDENTAL - you know what, I don't care," he said. "Will, we have a problem."
"What?" I said.
"There's a person causing a lot of trouble with the supernatural community," he said. "And that someone is Pheobe the Seer."
I groaned. "What is it this time?"
"What it is all the time," he says. "Prophesies. But they're big prophesies."
"Why should I deal with it?" I asked.
"Because they concern you," Michael replied.
