I transformed into a bat and flew after her.
Oh, hang on. I may be getting ahead of myself. My name is Will Harker. I hunt vampires. I also am a vampire. I know, killing my own kind but whatever. We're demons anyway. I'd kill myself, but that would be suicide and therefore a sin. Oh, did I mention I'm Christian? I should go back to when it all began.
I was born to Jonathan and Mina Harker. You may know them from an old story - Dracula? Yeah, he was the jerk who bit my mother and almost killed my father. Of course, my dad killed Dracula, but that's a different story. Anyway, I was born before my mother became a vampire. She…bit me when I was a baby. Don't know how I survived. That meant that from a baby onward, I was dead. Kind of. My father raised me to not drink human blood, which was hard because for some reason, human blood tastes really good. Maybe because of all the fat. Anyway, I couldn't drink human blood because either you drink too much and they die, or you drink too little and they start becoming a vampire. Either way, not good. My father taught me that vampires were the reason my mother was gone. He raised me in a way that I didn't become evil. I don't know why. Eventually, my father died, leaving me no home and only a variety of vampire-killing tools. I took up the occupation of Vampire Hunter, to avenge my parents, and I set up base in the basement of an old, abandoned church. I'd always been Christian, another thing that set me apart from other vamps, and the church was nice. In that church, I found a magic cross necklace that protected me from the sun, although not fire or wooden stakes or anything else. And so I started my campaign against vampires. All right, now you know my backstory. Let's fast-forward to the present, shall we?
"The cave is riddled with traps, of course," said the drunkard.
I was in a pub, talking to a man who claimed to know the secret location of a vampire tomb. Supposedly, this was the tomb of the Vampire Princess, Seraphine, who had been missing for hundreds of years.
"Of course," I said, willing the drunk to go on.
He took a swig of a bottle of whiskey. "I found it myself, you know." He began to slur as he took another drink. Just to keep up appearances, I took a drink of whiskey. Vampires can't get drunk. "Iss in the Shwarma deser."
"I'm sorry, come again?" I said.
"'M sorry," he said, and he hiccuped. "The Sahara desert."
With that, he passed out and slammed into the bar. Sighing, I picked him up in a fireman's carry and called a taxi. When the car arrived, I put the guy in and told the driver to take him to the nearest hotel. Then I transformed into a flock of bats and flew in the direction of the Sahara.
We vampires have a very helpful ability to transform into bats and mice and smoke and such. We can also travel vast distances in a short amount of time, which is how I got from London to the Sahara in about 12 hours. Beat that, Amelia Earhart! When I found the cave, I landed and turned back into a human. Now may be a good time to describe myself. I had green eyes and shortish black hair. I generally wore a long black duster, as well as a black shirt and black pants. As you can tell, I like black. I walked to the cave. Inside, I could tell there were several booby traps, but I got past them. How? I turned into smoke and floated through the cave. I eventually got to the main part of the cave and changed back. The room was full of gold - gold bars, gold coins, gold jewelry, and a bunch of other stuff. But what I cared about was in the center of the room - a plain, dark wood coffin with a cross on it.
"Bingo," I muttered.
I inched toward the coffin. It would be the perfect place to trap a vampire. The cross on the lid would prevent a vampire from touching it, and since the lid was connected to the rest of the coffin, a vampire wouldn't be able to use super strength to break the coffin. Luckily for me, my Christian faith made me immune to crosses. I touched the lid and carefully pulled it up. Inside was a gorgeous woman wearing all black and with her arms folded across her chest. Her eyes snapped open, and they were orange.
"I am Princess Seraphine," she said. "And you are lunch."
