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Nobody is Having Sex Because They’re a Bunch of Shut-In Nerds

It ain’t complicated, folks.

12 min readMar 26, 2021

LIving a full and respectable life, 2021 style

There’s another wave of Internet and University types talking about how nobody in the USA is having sex anymore. It’s poignant, really, to hear all these poindexters on Twitter and five million podcasts featuring those exact same people; just bewildered about this and applying the full power of their wildly-overpriced education to figuring it out. Guess what? The reason so many people aren’t having sex is because they’re a bunch of shut-in nerds. All those Twitter celebrities are nerds. Have you seen the Chapo Trap House guys? I like listening to them, and consider myself a bit of a Dirtbag Leftist, but I wouldn’t take dating advice from them.

I mean, I’m having sex, just as much as ever. So are most of my friends — fucking like there’s no tomorrow. Why wouldn’t we? Sex is quite literally the core pleasure around which our entire personalities revolve. That desire you feel to play the guitar, write a novel, build a house, get in a fistfight, and yes even getting that university degree — this is, at its root, a desire to fuck. Seriously. Your personality and your endeavors are a sort of hyper-elaborate mating dance. If you think you don’t want to fuck, you’re likely mistaken. I’m open to the idea that some rare specimens just ain’t made that way — people are extraordinarily complex and unique, no matter what Tyler Durden (not a real person) says — but from what I know the genuinely asexual person is a rare bird. Underneath all the complicated talk your brain churns out by the second to mediate your chaotic subconscious and your unpredictable surroundings, you are an animal trying to survive so you can reproduce. Everyone is. Even sex that can’t possibly generate children — such as homosexual sex (which is something I do), or sex after a vasectomy or tubal ligation — is motivated by this evolutionary imperative. Creativity in general is related to the impulse to procreate — to see something that came from you achieve its own life outside your body.

These nerds are like, maybe it’s because nobody knows how to date anymore, because they’re all on dating sites? Well, I’m not ever on a dating site. I signed up for a couple of those things when they were new, but found them to be irritating and ineffective tools for finding a…

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Gentleman Bandit

Written by Gentleman Bandit

Writing about politics, world events, and entertainment from my home on the endless road.

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