me pulling bread out of my backpack crumbs spilling everywhere: foolish foolish why did i not take care of this beforehand
children pointing at me and laughing loudly: bread crumbs bread crumbs bread crumbs bread crumbs bread crumbs
me crying emptying my backpack of bread crumbs: no please stop it
children laughing louder: BREAD CRUMBS BREAD CRUMBS BREAD CRUMBS
gayasscommie-deactivated2017090
So a friend of mine made this based off a fb status I made and now it’s *everywhere*
this post made me lose a follower
to my lgbt, hispanic, female, black, jewish, and muslim followers
i love you. i love you all so much.
Ben Carson is such a great example of how the concept of raw intelligence doesn’t exist, and that people can have wildly varying types of intelligence. This man is the best brain surgeon in America. Possibly the world. He invented a new way to treat seizures. He separated conjoined twins in a surgery that everyone else said was impossible. And he thinks going to prison makes you gay. He thinks the pyramids were grain silos built by the biblical Joseph.
So maybe you suck at something because in one area you’re Ben Carson The Politician but in another area you might be Ben Carson The Neurosurgeon.
this is tremendously inspiring and utterly horrifying at the same time
i hate bein the stereotypical emo bitch but life sux ,my dude
so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again.
and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels - it’s not love, it’s control.
BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.
i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…
you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’re realizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist
okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim.
finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says ‘why don’t you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kind’
and the woman says, ‘i can’t swim’
and the swan says, ‘we’ll teach you’
and the woman says, ‘literally i can’t swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drown’
and the swan says ‘your husband fucking WHAT’
the next morning the woman’s front yard looks like this.
and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons.
smeliot-deactivated20220528
Fun Christmas idea:
Hang mistletoe but instead of kissing you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it
listen 👂🏼 SWEETIE 🙄✋ i may be UGLY 🙊🙅🏽😤 but at least 💋💯 i’m BROKE 💅🏽💅🏽🐸☕️
miss-america-is-dreaming-deacti
acdsv34ce198qfchsldkja-deactiva
tfw = two fucking weiners
I swear someone walking in on me watching porn would be easier to explain than this
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged doctorjohcoy dsdsfdgd-deactivated20150704 being on tumblr when you’re sad so your heart is aching but you’re laughing at donkey kong memes
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged doctorjohcoy dutchster Follow who knows what tomorrow will bring but i hope it will bring puppies
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged only1600kids vxxt Follow
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged perks-of-being-chinese a6 Follow me: hold the fuck up the fuck: *is hold*
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged hijerking bpdjanedoe Follow My English teacher: This assignment is fairly easy! Just write about your happiest moments! :)Me: my what now
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged hijerking eggsoskeleton Follow *looks in a mirror* you again
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged doctorjohcoy tenderfeeling Follow ADIDASAll Day I Die And Scream
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged omegapausestuck banishedquasiroyal-deactivated2 i had a really fucking weird dream where homestuck was a musical. like. a Broadway musical. and i went to see it and all i really remember is that 1) the opening number was called “everybody dies” and 2) bro strider was inexplicably played by shia labeouf, who did an interpretive dance scene with a smuppet that lasted roughly seven minutes. it was uncomfortable for everyone involvedmortharris what do you mean “inexplicably” that’s exactly how it would go downbig-bad-grimbark I’m pretty sure snoop dogg was aimless renegade? honestly it was an experience like the stage was essentially four room in the beginning and every time John would get a notification on pesterChum the particular room of whoever was messaging him would light up and you could see Jade Dave or Rose. when the trolls did their thing (it was early on), you could just hear the disembodied yelling of Karkat. Rose had a dramatic monologue that ended with mom physically pulling her away from her empty suicide threat. bec was just some guy in a fursuit. shia laBro passionately ripped off his shirt before kicking dave’s ass. lil cal was played by Ellen Degeneres(?)mortharris do you have a medium to talk to because the more you talk about this dream the more it sounds like you’re spirit channeling andrew hussie and i’m concernedbig-bad-grimbark don’t get me started about the medium broalso when the trolls were introduced the lusii were these freakish jim henson monstrosities but honestly the best part was the felt. like. the actual composition of music was beautiful, and the choreography for the dance numbers was sublime. Dave also kept trying to sing but was continually interrupted by Bro Shia, terezi’s echoing ululations, and his own self doubt. once he finally had his moment his voice soared through the theater, only to come to an abrupt end as he was drowned in hot puppet ass. now that I think about it, dadbert was definitely nic cage, which was confusing as fuck because John kept talking about how Greatly He Was Caged By Nic while his father stood by. it was uncomfortable idk man, it’s been like a reoccurring lucid nightmare for the past week, but the sb&hj sequences were performed by acrobats above the actual stage, who looked dangerously inebriated and probably needed immediate hospitalization (they were also narrated by dave and a bunch of dissonant recordings of the cast? what the fuck man. what a visionary)
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged sludgebat cher-horowitz Follow i have honestly never been less shocked in my lifeblackmetalbuckybarnes Follow I’m already exasperated at the thought that it’s very likely that there’ll be an emergence of people who wanna fuck the grinch.
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged sludgebat twenyonepilots Follow CHUCK JUST GOT GOTtwenyonepilots 2 years ago today tyler joseph got in a fight with an animatronic rat. never forget
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged sludgebat disgruntledturtle Follow Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meatequalistmako Follow “Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”seasonoftowers Follow Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone. thatickything well you did askdefilerwyrm Follow Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.mrtacomam Follow you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDRENkariachi Follow Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.pulltheotheroneithasbellson Follow plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.blueandbluer Follow Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged sludgebat ufufufufufufufufufu-deactivated You'll Be BackDipper PinesJason Ritter singing You’ll Be Back from Hamilton…… This is the most beautiful thing I’ve heard all year#wowza#hamilton#gravity falls
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged sludgebat drawdroid Follow
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged sludgebat breastforce Follow president-elect openly calling to revoke the citizenship of political dissenters that’s not concerning at all hiroshi-mod Follow Flag burning is a protected form of expression under the first amendment and was defended by the Supreme Court in 1990. Revocation of citizenship as a form of punishment is also something that was rejected in 1958 - also by the Supreme Court.It is concerning that a person elected for such a high position of power would call for such violations of the constitution.rocketmermaid Follow Ah yes, Unpersoning, the greatest expression of American freedom
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged perks-of-being-chinese foodball Follow In case you're wondering how Mexico is doing:We’re in panic. Our coin went from 18 to 21.50 a dollar (and will probably reach 22.50), our products and services will be more expensive by the morning. No one will want to invest here. We’re humiliated, we were called rapists and apparently you agree. We’re threatened to be separated by a wall… Do you have idea how many millions of families will be separated? How many children will see their parents being deported? The violence migrants will receive? Old and young, we have our heads down, we don’t know what to expect. But thanks for making it clear, one more time, how hated we are for most of you.lavendul Follow im so fucking sorry
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged perks-of-being-chinese bloodbending Follow people who can graciously hide that they don’t like people are so terrifying. last year while working on tech for a play i asked my friend how he became friends with another guy on the crew and he got quiet, looked straight into my soul and said “he’s not my friend. i fucking hate him.” i lost 5 years of my life
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged perks-of-being-chinese employer: so what would you say is your biggest weakness?me: probably just like who I am as a person
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged perks-of-being-chinese ghost-in-the-ujb Follow Here it is. The Best Tweet.
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged hijerking Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!Audience: *cheers*Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged letmebeatangerine-deactivated20 namaris Follow Friend and boy
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged spongebobssquarepants 90s90s90sblog Follow conquerorwurm Follow Let me play you the song of my peopleemptyquadrants literally meincestuous-lesbianponies THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF HELLinsidedirection Follow ………….. OH MY GOD IS THIS REAL LIFE SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW WHATthisurlkicksass THIS INSTRUMENT OF TORTURE RUINED MY ENTIRE CHILDHOODSource: 90s90s90s
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged danielhowell amazingphil Follow PHIL IS NOT ON FIRE 8 IS HERE!!!
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged titanandclank-deactivated201811 cutepetclub Follow From @veggiedayz: “Blackberry has a song he wants to sing for you.” #cutepetclub [source: http://ift.tt/28SdMmN ]slightly-oblivvyous Follow Kitten: *small mew*
Cameraperson: *soft “ohhh”*
Kitten: *BIG LONG MEOW*
Cameraperson: *soft laughter* “What was that?”
Kitten: *tiny mew*
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged spicy-vaginal-tacos duplexity-blog Follow It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair
Like no
Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.kerryrenaissance Follow Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?quasi-normalcy Follow I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.mappysnappy When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies from the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.
god-shops-at-thot-topic reblogged geeeeeeeeeeeeeeenji gondwana Follow THINGS ARE SHAPING UP TO BE PRETTY
