[WIP] Wonderland Noir: Behind the Looking Glass (Disco Elysium meets Tom Waits’ Alice, 18+) NEW CASE ADDED (67k words)

Crashing waves. An eternal blue sea amidst a plane of rolling green hills. A young girl of white and gold, sitting in a wavebeaten chair far too large for her, reading a massive tome.

Alice.

She looks up as you peer in from the window, and beckons you inside. The room is white and black.

“You’re just in time! And I’ve made tea! Would you like any?”

“That’s okay. I’m here to tell you what this story is about. But not too much. Don’t want to spoil anything for you. I’ve already read it, though.”

She grins, with the unfounded confidence and pride only children can have. She tilts the book, showing you the spine. Behind the Looking Glass is written in silver.

“In this story, you’ll be a private investigator in a strange world, hired to find…well, me.” Another grin.

“But I won’t just be sitting in this chair! I’ll be making more tea for you, hiding in the last chapter.”

She smacks her forehead.

“Whoops! I wasn’t supposed to tell you that! I mean, um, I could also be hiding in the third chapter! Or maybe the prologue…”

“Anyway, there will be some dark themes. So, be aware of that.”

“And of course there’s going to be…um…romance.” Her cheeks grow ever so slightly flushed, and she can’t help herself from giggling.

“You can look under this table if you want to know more about them.”

Alice smiles.

“And that’s that! I hope you enjoy! Please, don’t hesitate with your feedback!”

She hands you the book.

Demo link:

If you look through this window, you’ll see the Realm of Discordance. Its a dark place. You’re welcome to join, if you’d like. We’ve prepared tea!

Discord Link: Discordant Realms

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If you like my work and you have the means, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi! Every bit helps!

https://ko-fi.com/slimpickensauthor

@JBento Thanks! A save system has since been added, and I hopefully fixed all the weird issues. No idea what was going on with the whole “40 day inconsistency”. Maybe they were metaphorical tears or something.

@Valixon That’s because you died. As the cops discovered, bullets don’t work too well against the Oxblood Pyromaniac. It loops back to an earlier section. I’ll try to make that clearer.

The city council would like to inform you that angels do not exist. If you think you’ve seen an Angel, please find the tallest building, go to the pay phone on the roof, dial 7 three times, and ask for “Saul”.

Every MC will have the ability to access the memories of people and objects, but there will be a way to customize the nature of it.

It seems the passage where you choose the gun has grown repulsed by its position, and seeks to take over the other one. I’ll put my best people on it, and we’ll have it restrained within the minute.

It is supposed to loop back there if you choose the gun, though. As the officers discovered, guns don’t work all that well against the Oxblood Pyro.

Hmm. It seems the Gods really don’t want you to take your own path. They’re even willing to break the game to ensure their divine will. But don’t worry. We’ll show them.

Weekly Update: Chapter 1 has begun. Three of the five ROs will be introduced here, as well as more details of the world. The Lore in the stats page has been fleshed out a bit more. As always, any feedback is appreciated.

Link has been updated with the first part of Chapter 1. I didn’t get as much writing done as I would’ve liked as I was on vacation, but things are still progressing rather swiftly.

This first bit of Chapter 1 does introduce the first two ROs. Please let me know if the descriptions ‘work’, as I am not familiar with this style of writing yet. Thank you all for your time. I hope that you have a great day.

@JBento Thanks for your support and bug/typo hunting! I truly appreciate it!

@Fenrir1 @JBento The saves can be a bit skittish at times, but I think we’ve wrangled them for now.

That happened last update too, I believe. Maybe they just don’t like change.

Progress on this story will slow slightly, as I have entered the 2022 Halloween Jam. But that does not mean it has ceased completely. I am still incredibly excited to share this story with you all. In the meantime, I will post polls with semi-frequency.

No, thank you for the kind words! They made my day! I’m truly happy you enjoyed my little story.

I’m not certain what genre it is, either. If you can come up with a decent name, let me know.

The city council would like to take this opportunity to remind you that Wonderland does not exist. And thus, it is highly likely that you won’t see any Wonderland creatures. If you do see any creatures, they cannot harm you. If you find that they can harm you, the Council recommends a pilgrimage outside of the city to the Far Country. Their agents would be happy to arrange it for you. Simply wait outside your door. A ticket and bags will be provided.

Any shared delusions should not be verbalized directly. Words have power. The Ci…

ERROR. ERROR. MESSAGE TERMINATION. UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO CITY DATABASE DETECTED.

Can’t find a way to tie this in thematically, but I’ve started a tumblr! Ask me questions, get updates, what have you. And there’s also a Discord. Its not very active yet, but give it time!

Tumblr: Slim Pickens on Tumblr

Discord: Discordant Realms

Chapter 1 is out! Nothing too exciting, just the introduction of the romance options. Worth noting that I’d definitely consider these to be slow burn romances. And a happy outcome is not certain. All of these people are broken, with varying degrees of self-awareness and self-loathing.

Please let me know what you think!

Okay, it seems that I, in my infinite wisdom, didn’t actually upload Chapter 1. This has since been fixed. And this seems a good a time as any to talk a little bit about my future plans with this story. Sit down, stay a while if you can. If you can’t, that’s okay too.

Specific feedback I’m looking for in this chapter:
The character moments. How were they? Did they go on too long? I’ll be the first to admit that this is my weak point. I tried to challenge myself, and comprise this chapter of mostly character moments. Does it work? Did you get a feel for the characters? Is it boring?

Hope your day is going well, everybody.

Welp, that’s embarrassing. One missing quotation mark derailed the entire thing.

Should be fixed now!

Hey, that seems like less mistakes than usual!

The comment was a note I left myself. Guess I forgot to erase it. Kinda killed the mood, didn’t it?

I’m going to have to find a way to put you in the game somehow.

Faded brickwork in a grimy alleyway. A white door, drawn in spiderweb chalk with oddly evocative titles. The sunflower yellow handle shudders, and the eggshell white door opens silently.

Alice is there. Alice isn’t there.

She watches you through the window, eyes wide. She can’t see you.

“Hello again. Have we met before? Or is our first meeting scheduled for next week? How are you holding up? Taking care of yourself? Been a tough couple of days for me, personally.”

Awkward, grasping silence. A clamoring cacophony. She stares at you with big blue eyes, bouncing up and down on her heels. She’s quiet. She’s screaming.

“Oh! I’m supposed to ask you a couple of questions. The next chapter, and likely the few after that, will be divided into discrete ‘cases’, each representing a location or event I’ve been seen at.”

“Here’s a list of the cases, with brief descriptions. Vote on which one seems most interesting to you, and the imposter that calls himself a writer will work on that one first! Oh, and names are subject to change.”

My Best Days were in March:
These past few days have been a bit troublesome for the erstwhile residents of the Complex Apartment. As if the constantly shifting location of their grocery store wasn’t obnoxious enough, now they have to deal with men in dark suits and dreary eyes waltzing around asking questions about a woman named Alice. And there’s this strange shoegaze punk rock mix that seems to be coming from everywhere and never stops playing. Makes sleeping kinda tough.
Themes: Young love, young loss. Dreams for the future, never realized. Visions of lives never pursued.

Raw:
The city never seems to have an issue with flooding, thanks to the unceasing efforts of the sewer workers. Nobody knows a sewer worker. Nobody knows how to become a sewer worker. Nobody has ever seen a sewer worker. But people have heard them. Apparently they’ve seen Alice going down into the sewers. That’s where the Sorrow Rats live. They’ll be helpful enough, but finding a manhole to reach them will be an unexpected challenge. They seem to have been disappearing, recently. Oh, and people have been disappearing as well, but that’s a bit more standard, here.
Themes: What it means to be human. Pain.

Between the Bars:
A ghost that resembles Alice has been seen in the Rabbit Hole. Or maybe it hasn’t. Accounts tend to vary, even between the same witness. Talia’s background checks on the witnesses turned up nothing. As though they don’t even exist. Probably something to that.
Themes: Letting go. Holding on too long.

Verdant:
A hesitant man from the isolated village in Central Park appears in your office, dressed in an outfit as clandestine as leaves and vines will allow. He buried his daughter’s mangled corpse not three Sundays ago. But she’s back now. Came down the stairs one morning like nothing ever happened. And the whole village doesn’t seem to remember that whole business of her ever being dead. But he does. He remembers his old daughter. Her skin was brighter. And she didn’t look quite so much like Alice.

Alice smiles dutifully.

“And there you have it! Your insights will be valuable, as always. I really mean it.”

“Oh! I’m supposed to ask you one more question…”

She flips through a notebook three sizes too large for her.

“I’m supposed to ask if you’d prefer to have a head with too many teeth and white eyes or your own headless doppelgänger floating behind you. Wonder why…”

She peers through the screen, past your shoulder. Her eyes widen, but she has the decency to mask her surprise with a polite cough.

And she’s gone. But you aren’t alone.

I’ve received some messages from readers stating that the ending scene of Chapter 1 is…too much. Indeed, it wasn’t intended to remain and was written during a particularly bad bout of self loathing.

Should I replace it?