Improving PayPal’s copy for new sellers
I forewarn you. I’ll be whining and complaining at the outset of this article, but I promise I will provide a better UX Writing solution. You’ve been warned. Okay, so here it goes…
PAYPAL IS HOLDING MY MONEY HOSTAGE AND WON’T GIVE IT TO ME, EVEN THOUGH I GOT A PAYMENT FOR SERVICES RENDERED AND THE MONEY IS MINE!
So after trying to process this message, the UX Writer in me decided to do something about it; How could this stiff, disappointing message be crafted much better, in a way as to let the user down gently, but still earn their understanding?
First, this message is so damn impersonal and uncomforting and bland and… I think you know what I’m getting at. The only thing it gets right is the use of bullet points, which makes the information easier to scan. But other than this, it’s a terrible message.
I’d fix the headline to: ‘Why we must holds your funds’
Must indicates this is a strict requirement and subtly suggests this is something that they have been forced to do because of online hackers.
The first paragraph should be broken up into three bullet points.
