New account beacuse I posted in r/incelselfies and other personal stuff.

I took the blackpill a few years ago, I'm turning 25 soon, which is definitely the absolute point of no return, but I thought I finally came to peace with it. A few weeks ago I started chadfishing, because my other copes don't work as well as the they used to.
I had some good laughs with the wifebeating Chad Thundercock and some ex-prisoner who got convicted for cp. But then I came around some instagram profile of a guy who kinda looked a little bit like me, if I weren't an ugly, asymetrical skinny mess.

So I opened a few accounts with him and tried to be as much as myself as I would if I'd want to really meet someone. I had the usual experiences, girls who wanted to meet/fuck after half an hour of chatting, nothing I wasn't used to.
However I started chatting with one match so intensively, that I compleatly forgot I'm catsfishing. That wasn't really flirting we actually talked about real stuff and I told her about actual issues I have... it felt nice. You can comment AWALT and sure I don't really know, what her intentions were, but I can't deny I felt good. If a prostitute is to a real sensual experience, what this was to a therapist, then hookers are the most laughable cope imaginable.

However she insisted on meeting and I remembered who she thought she was writing with and coming back to reality never was that soulcrushing. The real me will never experience that. With all therapy in the world, the best I could hope for would be becoming some humble simp, who makes his peacec with his place in the world. I don't want this.

I will send her a link to this post, so she knows whats up, but I will delete her after, I don't want to read a reply.

I will try to hit the train this evening, but if I chicken out of suicide you will hear from me, I guess. But I hope not, wish me luck guys.

I'm sorry S.