MayoBits Part 2
(It was too big for the ask box and Tumblr wouldn't let me submit this anonymously. I'm sorry for everyone I'm about to disappoint, I'm not a writer, I'm just part of the "make bits snap" competition. It’s a series now so I have to try to make it more series-ous).
Refusing to face the world as the walking embodiment of mayonnaise, StrawBits MayoBits ran straight back their room and hid under the covers of their bed.
“This has to be a dream… or a nightmare,” thought the Bits. “Surely people don’t randomly turn into mayo… do they?”
Bits cried softly as they slowly slid the covers off their upper body, once again revealing the shiny yellowish-white color their skin had become. As they did so, they watched in horror as pieces of their mayonnaise skin stuck to the fabric. It didn’t hurt, it was just disgusting.
Sighing, Bits reached for their cellphone to check the time. More mayo stuck to their phone. Only a few hours had passed since the avocado incident and yet they were already falling apart.
Bits couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if the rest of their skin fell off throughout the day. What even was their bones? Egg shells? Potatoes? Pickles? Perhaps there was no underlying structure holding Bits together at all. Maybe they were Boneless Bits. Whatever was in there, Bits didn’t want to know.
These thoughts began to take their toll on Bits’ mind. Bits didn’t want to disintegrate into nothingness, at least not until their Ao3 account was banned. Something must be done about this and it has to be done quickly.
Bits completely threw off their bed covers and left the room, leaving a foot trail of mayonnaise behind their path.
The soft plopping of mayo could be heard with each step, but Bits ignored it. There were much more pressing matters to attend to.
“What can be used to fix this…” thought the Bits.
Suddenly, realization hit them. They just needed to replenish the mayonnaise as quickly as it left. Bits ran to the kitchen and swung open the fridge door only to find... 2 slices of Kraft Singles American Cheese and a browned avocado with one bite missing. Disappointing.
Bits wished they hadn’t forgotten to purchase the rest of their groceries earlier. Now they would have to face the public as MayoBits.
They got dressed, donning their sunny shirt, a black jacket, and some gray sweats. Noticing how the moist from their mayonnaise skin was already seeping through the threads of their clothes, Bits stared at their shoes. It one thing to wash your clothes, but cleaning your shoes is just impossible. Washing by hand was out of the question considering how soluble mayonnaise was. Sure, you could throw the shoes in the washer, but then they’d never feel the same again.
Bits shook their head, deciding against wearing the shoes, and returned to the kitchen. There was only one option for footwear and that option was… cheese. Bits opened the fridge and grabbed the two slices of cheese. Slowly, they peeled the wrappers off and slapped the cheese against the bottom of their feet. Now they had footwear. Excellent.
It was time to go. Bits opened the front door and began their trek back to Walmart.
The journey to Walmart was fast and uneventful. MayoBits loaded up two full shopping carts with all the mayo and kraft singles American cheese the store had to offer. A few shoppers shot them dirty glances while the cashier had looked incredibly concerned. Embarrassing.
Bits eyed their large purchase as they walked out of the store. There was no way of carrying all this mayo and cheese home. Why did they walk here? Why didn’t they drive? Walmart was only a mile away, but this was a medical emergency!
“Yes… This is a medical emergency…”
With that thought and against all morals, Bits stole both shopping carts.
While the walk to Walmart had been short and swift, the walk back had become agonizing. Perhaps it was due to the fact that they were pushing and pulling such a large load.
They were about halfway home now. MayoBits decided to stop at a bench to take a breather. Bits noticed the cheese on their feet had slowly fell to pieces. What was left was starting to become infused into their skin. Sighing, Bits peeled off the remnants before slapping a replacement slice on their feet.
The sun was beginning to set and traffic was dying down. Bits could feel the afternoon heat slowly melting away their skin, literally. They rolled up their sweat pants legs and leaned back against the bench, closing their eyes in the process. It felt nice.
Something brushed against their leg. Bits eyes shot wide open only to find that they had been surrounded by 17 furry little creatures. Kittens to be precise.
Wait a minute… Kittens… Cats... Allergic.... Oh no.
They could already feel their throat beginning to itch and eyes water. Panic.
The more Bits tried to shoo them away, the more they rubbed against their legs. Bits grabbed both shopping carts and ran home.
Finally in the safety of their abode, Bits parked the shopping carts inside the kitchen and grabbed a jar of mayo. They walked upstairs to their bathroom ready to assess the damage the kittens had delivered.
Cat hair was infused within the mayo skin. Every time they tried to remove a cat hair from their leg, said hair would stick to the skin on their hand. It was impossible to remove.
Bits gave up, accepting the fact that they will be forever itchy.
Bits began to cry as they opened the jar of mayo. With their hand, they scooped out a large glop of mayo and began rubbing it on their skin, successfully replenishing the pieces that had been removed earlier.
Bits then acknowledged that this is something they will have to do every day now. From the day of the avocado incident to the day they die, Bits will wake up to a jar of mayo. They will forever smell of mayo. Sadness.
“An awful day of agony, but at least sleep will always bring peace,” thought the Bits.
Bits fell into bed and relinquished their body to sleep. However, peace does not come easily to those who hate the best condiment named mayo. Our mayonnaise will follow you into your dreams…
Bits didn’t dream well that night. They opened their eyes to a yellowish-white space. There were no walls or ceiling and the floors were shiny and sticky.
It was then that the Bits realized they were not alone. They heard a voice from behind them.
Bits turned around to face whoever had spoken to them. But as they turned, their face contorted with fear for in front of them sat the one and only… Bowmeowi… sitting on a throne of mayonnaise jars…
“SUFFER.”
