> doesn’t go well. Between my drinking, my inability to find work, and our fundamentally incompatible personalities, we fight a lot. I move back in with my mom
> drive for uber for a few months, decide that sucks, go to grad school for CS
> van girl comes to visit. I notice something is wrong with her teeth. She says it’s serious but she can’t afford to fix it. I offer to marry her so I can give her my health insurance, and we marry while still living apart
> stay in that master’s program for a year, mostly sober, but eventually the depression creeps in again and I stop showing up for classes and meetings, then drop out
> research possible careers, decide to be an actuary. Pass the first two tests, then start applying for jobs
> around this time, I fall down a reddit rabbit hole and decide the source of my woes is that I’m trans
> make an appointment at Planned Parenthood and walk out with an HRT prescription. Get new clothes. Start learning makeup
> interview with Geico as a man, get the job, show up for my first day of work in a skirt
> van girl moves to Maryland with me for the job, we try out living as married people. I’m sober, optimistic
> Covid hits, lockdowns ensue, we are stuck in the house together all day. We start fighting again. One day she says she wants a divorce. I start drinking again
> move back in with my mom, eventually quit job even though they like me and I’m good at it
> rebound with a woman who would become my second wife. Civil engineer
> don’t work for 2.5 years while I live with her. Retreat into myself. Mostly stay away from alcohol, but smoke a lot of weed. Start actually processing what happened to me as a kid
> we are poly and into all sorts of degeneracy. We host orgies, and we hang out with a lot of trans people. I start noticing how almost all the trans people I meet are pretty dysfunctional. I always made an effort to be humble and courteous when women included me, but most of the MtFs I meet are very entitled and also sexually aggressive. Just like men. I hate this, because I thought I was escaping maleness by transitioning but they’re everything I’ve always disliked about men. But they said the magic words, so apparently they’re women and I’m not allowed to notice their male-coded behavior.
> take a huge dose of mushrooms, sit in a dark room and type a note into my phone. My progressive worldview crumbles. I see how privileging kindness over all other virtues is destroying society and leading to more harm, not less. Have essentially a religious conversion experience away from progressivism.
> become a terf while still trans
> start reading about hereditarianism and behavioral genetics more broadly
> discover Blanchard’s model of transsexuality
> my political reorientation (and other factors) break my second marriage. I become homeless very quickly, with no time to prepare
> still mad at my mom for not noticing or preventing what happened to me as a kid, so I start doing prostitution to pay for a cheap hotel
> first client is okay, nice Chinese guy. He keeps me going for a while. But eventually I feel trapped and run off to Texas to be with a random guy I met on X. But I’m not actually into men and I can’t stand to touch him. Steal his switchblade and leave
> prostitution again. Convert one of my gigs into a startup pitch for an AI-driven tree servicing business, guy is interested, but I eventually fumble it by being crazy
> burn out, run out of money, move back in with mom
2/?