TD;LR: My friend is incredibly unstable, and I spend the majority of my time with her. I can no longer decipher between right and wrong, because to her, everything is a joke.
After a breakup, I lost a lot of friends from my first year of University. In my second year, I became close with one girl- I'll call her A.
A has lots of insane stories. She is beautiful, she lives in a gorgeous home, she's incredibly talented and seems to have everything handed to her on a plate. I often wonder if this is why she does bad things, because her life is so 'perfect'. I feel like the opposite to her, which is why I felt so lucky that she wanted to be my friend. She isn't a bad friend, either. She listens, she's fiercely loyal, we laugh and talk for hours. She told me that I was the only person that didn't seem fake,like we are on the same wavelength.
I'll list some of the things A has done.. -Cheated religiously on every boyfriend she's had. -Met up with rich men and done cocaine on the tables of their restaurants after close. -Got drunk. Screamed at me, hit me when I tried to help her off the floor, told me 'I don't even know you' repeatedly. -Stolen things from my bedroom. Makeup brushes, eyelashes, clothes. She denied it, then I saw my things when I was at her house. I didn't say anything. -She's laughed about taking things from people before. -Talks to random men on the street. Goes home with them, to hotel rooms with them. Then calls the police if they touch her (I'm very aware there is a difference between flirting and sex, but she just laughs at these situations. Like she did it purposely for entertainment) -Joined prostitution websites. She asked me to join too because it would be 'fun' and 'we can make money to go on holiday together'. -Told me that she wouldn't be my friend if I spoke to my ex again. Then got back with hers.
I've become numb to it. In a previous post I told a story of sleeping with my ex who has a girlfriend. I called her immediately afterwards, feeling shitty, and she found it hilarious. I struggled to feel guilty because she always insists that I have nothing to feel guilty about. Not to be so serious. She's done way worse.
I slept with an older man one night because she told me she was leaving with them, and as I was supposed to be staying at her house that night, I had no choice but to go. I've taken drugs from strangers, gotten into cars, beds, places I shouldn't. Even when she isn't there, the mentality doesn't go.
I have an awful reputation,yet she somehow doesn't. She is sneaky and secretive about her actions but I don't possess that power. I'm clumsy and stupid with it. I know I can't blame her for my actions. I am an adult with willpower. My actions are my own responsibility. I just feel like a horrible person, I hate who I've become and how people see me. I should cut her off but I can't, I feel like she would get into even worse situations if I wasn't there to stop her. She's the only stability I have at University and the only loyal, genuine friend I've had there. The only person I can tell my deepest secrets to. She does care about me, she's just a bit broken herself and can't control it.
What shall I do?
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