Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps
… is harder when you feel like a deadweight
I feel like it’s been just this arduous journey of trying to insert myself in spaces where I don’t belong. It’s looking through my so-called “museum of failures” and seeing the lost of potential from hasty decision-making and not thinking things through. It’s having these confrontations with myself and admitting that I made irreversible decisions that have affected the so-called trajectory of my life. It’s acknowledging the lack of opportunities and guidance that also led me to a disadvantage, and knowing that my circumstances have not been forgiving. It’s having the understanding that all these factors have compounded in value that is making it hard to recover from all of the losses I’ve accrued. I compare myself to my peers and it seems like I’m nowhere near their success. That now, because of lack of foresight, I’m still languishing.
It’s not that my situation is bad. I’m fine, I still have a home, my car, my family, some savings… but isn’t this a low bar? I think my misery comes from having worked so hard despite the odds, and not being where I want to be. I can’t get into any more details about my personal and professional life, but yes, I feel like nothing is working out.
But then again, I know that in the years prior I’ve really struggled mentally. And it took me an immense…
