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EPISODE 0001: “WE’RE GOING WHERE?”
EXT. GIANT’S FOREST - DAY
PANEL 1
Our heroes, BLACK MAGE and FIGHTER are strolling through a
forest crudely constructed from clip art.
SIGN
(tilted, crudely)
GIANT’S FOREST
SIGN
(smaller)
NO SOLICITORS
BLACK MAGE
So, why is it we’re going through
the Giant’s Forest?
PANEL 2:
They’ve come to a halt while conversing. I mean, probably. The
forest is so crudely constructed from clip art that it would be
impossible to tell.
FIGHTER
Because beyond it lies the Cave of
No Return!
PANEL 3:
Fighter’s answer not only fails to satisfy Black Mage it gives
the evil little jerk more questions!
BLACK MAGE
Riiiiight.
BLACK MAGE
And we would ever want to go there
because?
FIGHTER
(anachronistically)
Dude.
FIGHTER
Weren’t you paying attention to
the old man who tipped us off?
PANEL 4:
We’re focused on Black Mage who has yet to be convinced.
Spoiler alert, he will never be convinced.
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BLACK MAGE
Just indulge me.
PANEL 5:
And now we’re back on Fighter because you’ve got to do
something to vary the otherwise static — and crude! — visuals.
Different levels of zoom were an easy way to achieve this under
the guise of drawing the reader’s eye to a specific character
when really it was more about having an excuse to remove
everything else so your eyes wouldn’t burn out from all the
dang pixels.
FIGHTER
Within the Cave of No Return lies
the Armor of Invincibility.
FIGHTER
Duh!
PANEL 6
Black Mage with the big question that will destroy Fighter’s
position.
BLACK MAGE
Wait, if it’s a Cave of No Return,
then how does anyone know what’s
inside of it?
PANEL 7
Let’s zoom all the way out for a silent beat panel. Fighter is
the comic’s The Dumb One and even though he’s smarter in this
page than perhaps anywhere else in the next 1,200+ pages, he
still needs time to process.
NO COPY
PANEL 8:
Fighter responds.
FIGHTER
Well, where would you put a
mystical suit of invincible
armor?
PANEL 9:
It’s interesting that Black Mage has no answer for Fighter’s
rebuttal and instead jumps straight to claiming authorship over
their future endeavors. Fighter, despite his name, does not
even put up the pretense of a fight.
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BLACK MAGE
Okay, chuckles. From now on I pick
the Adventures.
FIGHTER
Phooey.
EPISODE 0002: “WHY IS HE IN THE LEAD ANYWAY?”
PANEL 1:
What sort of jackass calls these things “episodes” when they’re
obviously pages?! Hell, I don’t know. It was 2001. We were
making up the rules as we went! Also I was doing this comic for
an independent study course at the University of Florida and
never expected (A) to do more than maybe 20 of them or (B) that
anyone other than my professor and a few friends would ever see
them. So, y’know, mistakes were made. They’re still in the
forest by the way.
BLACK MAGE
We’re lost. You know that, right?
PANEL 2:
Zoom in on Fighter. They’ve been walking for hours but, again,
due to the crudely constructed clip art background, there is no
way for our readers to know this unless we tell them
explicitly. But first we need Fighter to establish the crux of
this page’s argument because there is always an argument.
FIGHTER
No we’re not.
PANEL 3:
Black Mage backs up his earlier claim with some evidence.
There’s always an argument because that’s a fun way for
characters to show us who they are and how they see the world
around them. Black Mage, like an absolute fool, like an oaf,
like a half-wit, believes that introducing logic will help him
win. Spoiler alert: this strategy will never work for anyone in
any of the next one thousand and two hundred plus pages.
BLACK MAGE
We’ve been walking around for
hours!
PANEL 4:
They’re still walking through Giant’s Forest by the way.
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FIGHTER
Relax! I know exactly
where we’re going.
BLACK MAGE
Oh, do you?
PANEL 5:
Fighter explains why he believes they are not, in fact, lost as
hell. It couldn’t be simpler.
FIGHTER
About an hour ago I found these
tracks left by a couple of other
guys.
FIGHTER
So, all we have to do is follow
these until they lead us out!
PANEL 6:
Black Mage poses a question. I wonder if he knows, or merely
suspects he knows, the answer Fighter will give him. Maybe?
BLACK MAGE
Okay, so what can you tell about
these guys judging by their
tracks?
PANEL 7:
I think the original reading of this is meant to imply some
sort of “Natural 20” on Fighter’s Tracking skill check, but
that sort of nonsense doesn’t come into the text until RED MAGE
shows up. Let us choose to read it as an expression of my love
for highly specific answers.
FIGHTER
Well, they’re about our heights,
our weights, and seem to be
traveling at about our pace.
FIGHTER
One of them is probably wearing a
suit of armor and the other seems
to have a cloak or a robe that
brushes the ground after his
steps. Why?
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PANEL 8:
Black Mage is furious to find out that he was right all along.
This will be something of a running theme for the rest of the
comic.
BLACK MAGE
These are our own tracks, you
nimrod!
BLACK MAGE
You’ve led us in circles!
PANEL 9:
Honestly, I think Fighter only has a line of dialog here so
Black Mage can tell him to shut up.
FIGHTER
Circles, eh?
BLACK MAGE
Shut up. Okay, let’s think.
PANEL 10:
And there it is. The throwaway line of dialog that would come
to define the entire series sneaking its way into the end of
the second page I MEAN EPISODE PARDON ME. This wasn’t supposed
to be a catch phrase but the fans went nuts for it. What it
taught me was that authors have absolutely no control over how
a work is received or the life it gains as it is reinterpreted
(continually, in the case of serialized work) by its own
audience. Fighting or resenting the thing that is most embraced
or remembered about your work would probably drive you nuts, so
I never bothered. It was a throwaway line and people loved it.
We should all be so lucky.
FIGHTER
I like swords.
PANEL 11:
A fairly polite response from Black Mage given his behavior
throughout the rest of the series. But I suppose we’re still
figuring out who these characters are at this stage.
BLACK MAGE
Correction. I’ll think.
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EPISODE 0003: “THEY CALL IT ‘GIANT’S FOREST’ FOR A REASON.”
PANEL 1:
Black Mage, who now considers the argument over, forges ahead
with a new plan. In response, 8-bit Theater asks if a
webcomic’s third installment is too soon for a call back, and
Fighter says “Absolutely not.” Interestingly, we nailed down
the tone pretty quick because this call back strikes the exact
chord of stupid that will resonate throughout the comic for the
next thousand pages.
BLACK MAGE
Okay, if we can just get our
bearings then we can find our way
out of here.
FIGHTER
Ooh, I know! We can navigate by
way of these tracks!
PANEL 2:
Reaction shot on Black Mage featuring our very first use of the
Angry Black Mage Eyes. What I considered to be the standard
character size for 8-bit Theater was 400% the size of the
original video game sprites. So, every individual pixel of the
original sprite art became a block of four pixels (2 x 2) for
me. It felt like a good size relative to readable dialog and
seemed to allow for close ups and long shots when/if required.
I made Black Mage scowl by removing a single pixel from the top
inside corners and the bottom-most pixels from Black Mage’s
eyes. This becomes Black Mage’s most frequently used reaction
shot. It was generally, but not always, reserved for close up
shots that were blown up by 400% first and then an additional
150% or 200% because I felt the effect here was a little too
subtle.
NO COPY
PANEL 3:
Fighter really digging in.
FIGHTER
Well, we can.
PANEL 4:
Black Mage continues to forge ahead because there’s no
reasoning with stupid.
BLACK MAGE
Shut up.
