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We have terrible news. Seven years ago, 150,000 people paid us $15 to protect a pristine parcel of land on the US-Mexico border from racist billionaire Donald Trump's very stupid wall.

Unfortunately, an even richer, more racist billionaire⸺Elon Musk⸺snuck up on us from behind and completely fucked that land with gravel, tractors, and space garbage.

2017: BEFORE MUSK
2024: AFTER MUSK
Just look at it! He fucked it.

How did this happen? Elon Musk’s SpaceX was building some space thing nearby, and he figured he could just dump his shit all over our gorgeous plot of land without asking. After we caught him, SpaceX gave us a 12-hour ultimatum to accept a lowball offer for less than half our land’s value. We said, “Go fuck yourself, Elon Musk. We’ll see you in court.”

So today, we’re announcing Day 7 of Cards Against Humanity Saves America: CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY SUES ELON MUSK FOR 15 MILLION DOLLARS. If we win, we’ll equally split the lawsuit's net proceeds among all 150,000 of our original subscribers, up to $100 each. While this isn’t enough to compensate our subscribers for the anguish they’ve suffered witnessing Elon Musk defile their once-verdant land⸺where wild horses galloped freely in the Texas moonlight⸺we think it’s a pretty good start.

Why do we need to do this? Even if Musk un-fucks our land, that doesn’t un-fuck the damage he’s done to our reputation. 150,000 people gave us their hard-earned money, and in exchange we vowed to protect this land from racist billionaires and their dumb vanity projects. They trusted us because:

Our longstanding reputation as a company that makes outrageous promises and actually keeps them is on the line! We promised we’d use every legal tool at our disposal to protect this land from bullies like Trump and Musk (who's spending millions to get Trump elected and also wants to build the stupid wall). If we don’t take action now, why would anyone ever trust us again?

If you’re an original 2017 CAH Saves America subscriber and you want to increase the pressure on Elon, here’s a thing you can post on Twitter (the platform he wants you to call “X” for his own sexual gratification):

In 2017, I paid Cards Against Humanity to protect a pristine plot of border land from Trump’s racist wall. But then an even richer, more racist billionaire—Elon Musk—stole my land and dumped his shit all over it. @ElonMusk owes me $100. #ElonOwesMe100Bucks www.ElonOwesYou100Dollars.com
✔ COPIED
Or if you’re not a subscriber, but you still think Elon Musk is a charity-embezzling, conspiracy-peddling eugenicist manchild who trades horses for in-flight handjobs, post this:
In 2017, 150k people paid Cards Against Humanity to protect a pristine plot of border land from Trump’s racist wall. But then an even richer, more racist billionaire—@ElonMusk—stole their land and dumped his shit all over it. Fuck that! www.ElonOwesYou100Dollars.com #ElonOwesMe100Bucks
✔ COPIED
With great vengeance and furious anger,

Cards Against Humanity

P.S. We will also accept Twitter.com as compensation.

READ THE LAWSUIT
You can read the formal lawsuit we've filed in the State of Texas here:
Read the Lawsuit
READ THE REUTERS ARTICLE
It wasn’t just us. A Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist has found all kinds of people in Texas getting fucked even worse than us by Musk and the politicians he’s bankrolled to build his space-dick factory.
Read the Article
GET YOUR SHARE
Are you one of the original 150,000 subscribers to Cards Against Humanity Saves America? Sign up here and we'll put your name on the list of people who each get a share of our lawsuit's net proceeds.
Get Your Share