Unfortunately, an even richer, more racist billionaire⸺Elon Musk⸺snuck up on us from behind and completely fucked that land with gravel, tractors, and space garbage.
How did this happen? Elon Musk’s SpaceX was building some space thing nearby, and he figured he could just dump his shit all over our gorgeous plot of land without asking. After we caught him, SpaceX gave us a 12-hour ultimatum to accept a lowball offer for less than half our land’s value. We said, “Go fuck yourself, Elon Musk. We’ll see you in court.”
So today, we’re announcing Day 7 of Cards Against Humanity Saves America: CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY SUES ELON MUSK FOR 15 MILLION DOLLARS. If we win, we’ll equally split the lawsuit's net proceeds among all 150,000 of our original subscribers, up to $100 each. While this isn’t enough to compensate our subscribers for the anguish they’ve suffered witnessing Elon Musk defile their once-verdant land⸺where wild horses galloped freely in the Texas moonlight⸺we think it’s a pretty good start.
Why do we need to do this? Even if Musk un-fucks our land, that doesn’t un-fuck the damage he’s done to our reputation. 150,000 people gave us their hard-earned money, and in exchange we vowed to protect this land from racist billionaires and their dumb vanity projects. They trusted us because:
If you’re an original 2017 CAH Saves America subscriber and you want to increase the pressure on Elon, here’s a thing you can post on Twitter (the platform he wants you to call “X” for his own sexual gratification):
Cards Against Humanity
P.S. We will also accept Twitter.com as compensation.