Play CalorieMate LIQUID FOR GAME CREATORS

Yes it's free, and yes it's an ad for a Japanese energy drink. But still, no.

I made the first mistake of setting the game to english. The talking cans in japanese are voiced by three different VOs depending on the flavor you picked, but in english it's all variations of someone doing their impersonation of Deku from My Hero Academia. Maybe it's the same voice actor, but I doubt it. Anyways, it's so cringe my ears are bled gallons.

Game itself is okay. You're a rolling energy drink equivalent of a Chef Boyardee can whose destiny is to be consumed by the faceless manservant, who if you think about it is also the bad guy as his creative mind (plus two cats) purposely impedes your progress with anime girls, plush octopuses, and space invader knock offs. Your Otsuka Pharmaceutical product seems to have Stockholm Syndrome and desires to "be one with the developer", defeat the bugs, and accomplish his dreams, which I don't know what because he is a puppet of capitalism and in reality holds no value to society. I also should mention that despite having no mouth, the cylindrical aluminum can with questionable liquid doesn't seem to shut up and comments on everything it touches.

Game is short. If you're good, it can be done in less than 5 minutes. First timers will struggle in the final room as the people who made this game are a bit sadistic. On the plus side, you're treated to a vocaloid battle theme.

Physics seem wonky and you may not land in the spot you were aiming for. Camera is also off, especially in the third room where chaos roams. It's easy to get physically stuck and feel hopeless, like the pets in a Sarah McLachlan ad.

Steam claims there is a leaderboard, and it does give you a rating & placement if you somehow manage to reach the end of the game by giving yourself up like a male spider trying to mate, but as of right now there's not a way to actually view the boards. I do hope that the devs implement more features like achievements, but it's unlikely as they are gluttons and only keeping the game listed for half a year to tease potential customers.

Congrats CalorieMate Games, I learned that you exist and you sell stuff that can be found in a convenience store or vending machine. No I will not buy a ticket to Japan to try it out. And no even if you make it stateside and you're on the shelf at a local 7-11, you're probably not as healthy as you claim to be so I'll grab a water bottle nearby.