I don’t like the word “foreplay”, as it implies everything is an introduction to penetration. Although I do think most women will like penetration if done well (which you’ll do if you’ve read my Ultimate Guide to Fucking), this is not the be-all and end-all of sex.

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So to me, everything before or after or outside of penetration is still just sex. But if I had to pinpoint when sex starts, I’d say it’s when you start kissing.

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Of course, I’m not talking about ALL kissing. A quick kiss before going to work is not really sex by any means. But you all know what I’m talking about here. We’re talking about proper frenching with the intent of getting rid of these clothes in the very near future.

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Kissing properly is very important to get things going, and honestly it can make it or break it. You can kiss her so well that she’ll wet her pants before you even take them off, or you can kiss so badly that she’ll be turned off and forget about the fleeting idea she had to fuck you.

Kissing is (rightly) considered by most women to be a good indication of how good of a fuck you’re gonna be. So it’s very important to apply yourself.

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So, let’s see how to kiss her so well she’ll already be wet when you get in her pants.

What to do with your hands

That might be a bit of a surprising start to this guide, but let’s talk about hands first.

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You should absolutely NOT forget to use your hands when kissing. There’s nothing more awkward than kissing without using your hands. What the fuck are you gonna do with them ? Let them hang by your sides ? Put them in your pockets ? Scroll TikTok ?

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I’m starting with the hands for two reasons :

1. You’re usually gonna invite the kiss with your hands, so you’re actually gonna use them before your mouth. This is especially true for a first kiss, but still true for most kisses.

2. They’re gonna be what’s guiding the escalation. What I mean is you’re not going to get straight from kissing her to licking her tits. Your hands are gonna get under her clothes before that, and are gonna be used to test the waters and actually escalate to the next step. So to me, they’re an integral part to kissing.

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How to start a kiss

The best way to invite a kiss is to put your hand on the side of her face, thumb on her cheek, and palm on the back of her neck. You can also use two hands.

Especially if it’s a first kiss, it’s important you think of this more as a question. You’re not grabbing her face and bringing her face to yours, you’re more slightly inviting her to get her face closer.

I think it also can be true if you’ve already been fucking on the regular, but it can also be way more firm if that’s the mood. If you’ve got a sex friend and when you see each other clothes are off in 36 seconds, you can probably be way wilder than that. Use some common sense.

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Variants of this can be to have your hand in her hair, or her hand holding the back of her neck a bit more firmly. As with everything sex-related, you’re gonna have to adapt depending on the woman and the mood.

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Another very important thing is eye contact. You should absolutely look at her in the eyes before kissing. Not doing it is very awkward.

And listen, I know it’s not always easy. I’m on the spectrum, and eye contact is something I have to consciously think about. But it’s very important in that moment.

What to do after

While you’re kissing, you can have both your hands doing their thing around her head, but you can also have another one doing something else.

How fast you’re going to start moving your hands down depends on the mood. It’s a delicate balance, because on the one side you need to make sure she’s at least a bit turned on, and on the other side this is also what’s gonna turn her on. So it all depends on how well you know each other. For a first kiss, I would generally err on the side of taking your time, unless of course she’s very obviously wanting you to take her clothes off very very soon. If you know each other well you probably have a better idea of when to take things to the next level.

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Of you’re in doubt, I’d go slow, and use that time to tease her a little bit (we’ll see what to do with your mouth in a moment).

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So, what to do with your hands apart from holding her face ? Basically two main things :

• You can get her closer to you :

  • A hand in the small of the back and a slight pressure towards you will make your body really close, which is hot, especially if she can feels your boner.

  • Another technique I really like is sliding your finger in her waistband, or in her belt, and pulling her towards you. That works really well but it’s a bit more risky, so read the room.
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    I detail other techniques to be a bit bolder and dominant in my post “How to be dominant in bed : practical tips”

  • Of course, a hand or two on her butt works too.
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• You can start touching her on other parts of her body to turn her on :

  • Generally the breasts are not really practical to touch when kissing. Your hands are gonna be at an awkward angle, she might be wearing a bra that basically prevents you from touching them with ease. It’s not such a good idea.
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    What I’d suggest is to only graze them in passing, to evoke the fact that you’re gonna take care of them later.
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  • Anywhere under her clothes is hot, just because it’s gonna get her imagination going. You can start just on the small of the back, or holding her waist.
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    Then you can grab her butt above her pants, but the temperature is rising, you can even slide a hand in there and actually grab a butt cheek.

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Ok, now we’ve covered this, what to actually do with your mouth ?

What to do with your mouth