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When I die please chop up my body and send pieces to politicians until at least one of them confesses to whatever crime they think you’re alluding to
The Only Living Dead Girl in New York
The Only Living Dead Girl in New York
13.3K posts
The Only Living Dead Girl in New York
@missjellinsky
Why do they come to me to die?
Medieval England, IowaJoined June 2018
The Only Living Dead Girl in New York’s posts
My sister moved into a new house and found this in the wall of her basement
My husband told me when he starts thinking about stuff that’s too heavy and depressing he goes “scarecrow mode” and I was like what’s that and he was like “I think about a scarecrow for a while and then I laugh”
Disney’s woke homosexual agenda has finally gotten to my aunt Susan and her roommate of twenty five years
Boy, now I say boy, another one of them aeroplanes done hit that big city World Trade Center
It’s important as a woman to know what the thing wrong with you would be if you were a Seinfeld girlfriend
Sir a second child has been sucked into the chocolate river
Think about how much less lonely you would be in quarantine if you’d bought all these wax Amish children off Craigslist
USA: BETO: “if you see someone fall in the pit you pick them up. You pick them up! We are all in this together okay I don’t wanna see any violence in the pit guys because I want this to be a safe space and because I’m not giving you single payer so this could get expensive “
Depressed Fred Flinstone parking his car in the garage and running in place
Do tall men know women like them because they are more easily controlled due to brain damage from always smacking their big dumb tall heads into stuff
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“They always got a pocket full of hay. It’s funny”
I can’t work full time because I have to lie on the floor a couple hours every day
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Thanks everyone for your overwhelming response to my sister‘s new baby.
OH MY GOD THAT’S THE QUEEN’S MUSIC #RoyalAnnouncement
Communists killed my entire family, the von gestapposchmiidt name dies with me
INT. CAFETERIA -DAY POPULAR GIRL: that table in the back corner is for the nose pickers, then youve got you metal heads, your jocks, your burnouts, and over there are the guzmen NEW GIRL: sorry the what? POPULAR GIRL: Guzmen? Fans of veteran character actor Luis Guzmán?
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People see stuff like this and act like Europeans do not care where their ancestors are from which is bunk, more to the point is it’s not like special to be polish in Poland where everyone is polish, “I am polish” “ok me too and so is he and she’s polish and him too and him and
Life is a Highway I’m gonna drive the wrong way drunk
My ex boyfriend played hooky from school to go see Conan in the city one day and before the show Conan pointed straight at him in the audience and said “I’m gonna kick your ass”
Dear America, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin I left my cell, my pager, even did a couple of bombings I blew up two towers back in autumn you must not’ve saw em
Memento but it’s a guy who keeps getting fooled by Who’s on First
Donald Trump with Melania and William Hung at a Liz Phair Concert, 2004
My husband was talking about how he makes other parents on the playground laugh and I was like oh I’m sorry people laugh at you and he said “I only let one person laugh at me” and my son, without looking up from his Zelda comic said “who, the penis inspector?”
I always know exactly how many hot dogs my husband wants to eat but I always ask him anyway so he can say “you know what let’s make it a 3 dog night”
Nothing has ever made me feel more patriotic than looking at the 1964 GE Americana fridge, a refrigerator with a built in counter top in the middle. We made that and it’s beautiful, I’m tearing up.
I am fascinated at the mind that believes they wouldn’t just not show the movie in the first place, like someone who believes in the conspiracy but only on like a middle management level
Quote
Erin Elizabeth Health Nut News 
@unhealthytruth
Feedback on sound of freedom. Seriously the film exposes crimes against humanity.
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This is good advice thank you
I’ve learned a lot from twitter like if a 30 year old dates a 23 year old that 30 year old is a disgusting sex pervert but if a different 30 year old wants to treat his girlfriend like a toddler and have her call him daddy THAT 30 year old is simply exploring his sexuality
There’s a body positivity youtuber who eats spaghetti in bed with her boyfriend so often that they have their own word for it, they call it “spabeddi”
I had lovely friends who moved to NYC from TX & they told their slumlord that they had mice & he told them to shake a coffee can with nails to scare them & when that didn’t work he said in his insanely thick Eastern European accent “oh is not mouse. Is baby rat. No solution .”
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I want to say as kindly as possible to anyone very nicely trying to tell me what this is that if you try to make me understand nerd stuff I have to block you
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People get upset when you promote products under your tweets but I don’t see any of them ponying up the cash my sister needs for her exorcism
If my only son had hemophilia I would simply hire Jack Dorsey to pray for him, sparking national controversy
The last time a movie was the actual genesis of a violent crime is when all those women who watched 500 days of summer went out and got Zooey Deschanel bangs