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“Good evening, gentlemen!” said the vampire. “Please pay attention. I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of suppressed instincts held together with spit and coffee. It would be wrong to say that violent, tearing carnage does not come naturally to me. It's not tearing your throats out that doesn't come easily to me. Please don't make it any harder.”

― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

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crystal, upon first meeting the boys: so how long have you guys been together? you and your partner?
charles: oh- it's not like that-
crystal: it certainly looks like that from here. what, so you just recently hooked up?
charles: no- you-
crystal: have you got a boyfriend or girlfriend or something? is edwin your bit on the side?
charles, defensively: he's not my bit on the side, he's far too pure of heart to be anybody's bit on the side!