英検準1級のライティング問題です。以下が私の書いた文です。16点満点で添削採点していただきたいです。 By increasing the birthrate,serious problems in society would be solved and it would be beneficial for various aspects in the future society. There are a lot of problems to be solved today.For example,aging society is the most remarkable. It is said that young people now have to support a few elderly people per a man,or many elderly would be pass away alone. Also,labor shortage comes to be serious. The generations which have attributed to the economy have retired gradually,and they become older. If the birthrate keeps decreasing yearly,the economy would weaken. Therefore,as explained above,the government should do more help increase the birthrate immediately to protect not only young people’s future,but also their nation.
英語