Umkemesik

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    <title>Umkemesik</title>
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      <comment>Created page with "{{pedo}} {{exclusive}} {{archenemy|Aediot}}  ''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate User:Umkem..."</comment>
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded several videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts.

Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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        <id>2370</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded several videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts.

Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>rxt12byl0at40egxian9q58quodyrv7</sha1>
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        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour train ride to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>icv4pv18chuin3k1h4ppbz6s86tld27</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>1359431</id>
      <parentid>1359425</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T03:26:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359431</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="5131" sha1="cas6sognpukfv1t7epz4oc0ca3xuc7k" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}

''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour train ride to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>cas6sognpukfv1t7epz4oc0ca3xuc7k</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359434</id>
      <parentid>1359431</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T03:30:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Moshe Finkberg</username>
        <id>2140</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <origin>1359434</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="5247" sha1="8sd3f6xm1w6bt5mmuieamhxe6kgpvc4" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour train ride to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>8sd3f6xm1w6bt5mmuieamhxe6kgpvc4</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>1359438</id>
      <parentid>1359434</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T03:42:33Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour train ride to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>i871c4yxvog7tskwyf4k53y3rvghd4g</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359443</id>
      <parentid>1359438</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T03:55:26Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359443</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6322" sha1="7miyp9cv6l8ub0s2hxp2y223dv5i0tw" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour train ride to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}}
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>7miyp9cv6l8ub0s2hxp2y223dv5i0tw</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359444</id>
      <parentid>1359443</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T04:05:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kamaloka</username>
        <id>2333</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359444</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6472" sha1="sdunmam2aeqqoydpisy1fy6vwdu729s" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour train ride to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>sdunmam2aeqqoydpisy1fy6vwdu729s</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359445</id>
      <parentid>1359444</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T04:32:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Chimplord1997</username>
        <id>1802</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Underage Footjobs */</comment>
      <origin>1359445</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6486" sha1="5oav51n1h6ogr5s6tu9a5roq0vb6vr0" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>5oav51n1h6ogr5s6tu9a5roq0vb6vr0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359455</id>
      <parentid>1359445</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T05:14:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kamaloka</username>
        <id>2333</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359455</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6628" sha1="km2rui7suk67x6p5wc8gj432cm2qc30" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>km2rui7suk67x6p5wc8gj432cm2qc30</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359470</id>
      <parentid>1359455</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T05:48:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Lulzy Shoop Pics */</comment>
      <origin>1359470</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6793" sha1="g8l96dc11kw6h4wm5nf8btok60bpvmi" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Underage Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>g8l96dc11kw6h4wm5nf8btok60bpvmi</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359471</id>
      <parentid>1359470</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T05:48:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Underage Footjobs */</comment>
      <origin>1359471</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6792" sha1="6fuc27disot4vnjbeb84ibb4uun0gd0" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>6fuc27disot4vnjbeb84ibb4uun0gd0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359473</id>
      <parentid>1359471</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T05:50:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Lulzy Shoop Pics */</comment>
      <origin>1359473</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="6817" sha1="izje2mwsqnhcdabu54sqi3rac2f3daa" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK has been a pervasive menace on the forums since [[2012]].

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>izje2mwsqnhcdabu54sqi3rac2f3daa</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359474</id>
      <parentid>1359473</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T06:08:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Humble Beginnings */</comment>
      <origin>1359474</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7667" sha1="bo72af97wq08sfi323w9wfludq4k28a" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was kicked out off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Out of [[butthurt]] UMK decides to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>bo72af97wq08sfi323w9wfludq4k28a</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359475</id>
      <parentid>1359474</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T06:29:11Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Humble Beginnings */</comment>
      <origin>1359475</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7662" sha1="267clzhg5hkjvnhgsk2u6osavkp13sn" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Out of [[butthurt]] UMK decides to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>267clzhg5hkjvnhgsk2u6osavkp13sn</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359479</id>
      <parentid>1359475</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T06:51:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Humble Beginnings */</comment>
      <origin>1359479</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7986" sha1="stspajkdyiud0jhnqt5wuckj7s7g5an" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged he got butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth. When free UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>stspajkdyiud0jhnqt5wuckj7s7g5an</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359480</id>
      <parentid>1359479</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T06:55:49Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359480</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7987" sha1="kgp5qotkm7xrkre9evg44c3v8pvajhr" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged he got butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth. When free UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO


==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>kgp5qotkm7xrkre9evg44c3v8pvajhr</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359481</id>
      <parentid>1359480</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T07:04:48Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Humble Beginnings */</comment>
      <origin>1359481</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7981" sha1="62dlhe9165mqn81hlksl5q0mz888dyf" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Real name]]: '''(I think its out there somewhere lol)''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>62dlhe9165mqn81hlksl5q0mz888dyf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359483</id>
      <parentid>1359481</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T09:04:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Cobaltcat</username>
        <id>2468</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>PWRWRD</comment>
      <origin>1359483</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="7939" sha1="c4dy9k5wifcmhcijb7zfnly4vwxxw12" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]: was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>c4dy9k5wifcmhcijb7zfnly4vwxxw12</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359488</id>
      <parentid>1359483</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T10:47:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359488</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="8061" sha1="23im4nca3fxkutrekmhhjkabspx5er1" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]: was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <id>1359493</id>
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      <timestamp>2023-01-09T10:55:05Z</timestamp>
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        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]: was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>e0c4jc1p7usv334q9dlxabi0s4fi1l7</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>1359495</id>
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        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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      <origin>1359495</origin>
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]: was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very creepy and very spiteful. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that blacklisted her IP range, meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>kbnxz7vu2u209mk466l9vvfk0ysuem0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359497</id>
      <parentid>1359495</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T11:14:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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      <origin>1359497</origin>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]: was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very creepy and very spiteful. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that blacklisted her IP range, meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this time someone of age. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>knmoezqenlh8i6zrydyyls83rbtuga2</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359498</id>
      <parentid>1359497</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T11:20:40Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359498</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10122" sha1="ahng21uz270vm6rn7sa4qugrx9qntgf" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]] &lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]][[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]: was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very creepy and very spiteful. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that blacklisted her IP range, meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there was no rules against adding people outside the fourms. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>ahng21uz270vm6rn7sa4qugrx9qntgf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359500</id>
      <parentid>1359498</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T12:10:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MarioMario456</username>
        <id>2160</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>removed by umk</comment>
      <origin>1359500</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10131" sha1="peljz0p0f7yb8rrlihhz6k2w4u84wpw" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very creepy and very spiteful. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that blacklisted her IP range, meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there was no rules against adding people outside the fourms. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>peljz0p0f7yb8rrlihhz6k2w4u84wpw</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359514</id>
      <parentid>1359500</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T12:33:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Cobaltcat</username>
        <id>2468</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* Chicago Footjobs */ what makes him hard</comment>
      <origin>1359514</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10223" sha1="oyd0b5ueektucox3yvvmy1oo81qwr3q" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself. When not shilling his failed [[message board]] Malhub, UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. 

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups.Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonorably discharged. After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinate wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very creepy and very spiteful. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that blacklisted her IP range, meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there was no rules against adding people outside the fourms. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>oyd0b5ueektucox3yvvmy1oo81qwr3q</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359516</id>
      <parentid>1359514</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T12:41:55Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359516</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10589" sha1="02c49fsax5jrilf6k2metgkgmhbzj2x" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there was no rules against adding people outside the fourms. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>02c49fsax5jrilf6k2metgkgmhbzj2x</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359529</id>
      <parentid>1359516</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T14:03:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Moshe Finkberg</username>
        <id>2140</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* See also */</comment>
      <origin>1359529</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10608" sha1="9kwblka69gqm8onis025d6wkxp1tn92" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there was no rules against adding people outside the fourms. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>9kwblka69gqm8onis025d6wkxp1tn92</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359543</id>
      <parentid>1359529</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T15:53:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Disassemblyline</username>
        <id>2441</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* Faggot of the Year 2022 */ fix typo, etc</comment>
      <origin>1359543</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10620" sha1="mfqa7rqfzv34me547e8uqt96p6zxxa0" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks UMK was promptley caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance because even though he was a disgusting junkie he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>mfqa7rqfzv34me547e8uqt96p6zxxa0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359544</id>
      <parentid>1359543</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T16:00:49Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Disassemblyline</username>
        <id>2441</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* Humble Beginnings */</comment>
      <origin>1359544</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10640" sha1="le8b38erp5f7abioxa7kyjaao2gw0gi" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMK the cuck.png|thumb|center|400px]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <id>1359569</id>
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      <timestamp>2023-01-09T17:51:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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      <origin>1359569</origin>
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      <text bytes="10705" sha1="r93sn0lr5uo7iygzvvq2mddyef0dm5c" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>r93sn0lr5uo7iygzvvq2mddyef0dm5c</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359570</id>
      <parentid>1359569</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-09T18:01:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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      <text bytes="10705" sha1="9nhk3axen0g49lnshgg7lxg8bxxjwt5" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
&lt;div style="position:fixed; bottom:-10px; left:-100px;pointer-events:none"&gt;[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]&lt;/div&gt;
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' ([[powerword|Tony Cossio]]) was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2023-01-10T20:08:23Z</timestamp>
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        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>95dfqg8ajnp50utqd5alps1spo1eztn</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359669</id>
      <parentid>1359668</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-10T20:09:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}}
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>eowyoiae68em6yo0s46zmeab5o4a1b1</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359670</id>
      <parentid>1359669</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-10T20:19:53Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* External links */  Added archives to the EDF threads</comment>
      <origin>1359670</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10860" sha1="4k1r000lf8k9z8063aheunbiy2gbzws" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}}
&lt;s&gt;* {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>4k1r000lf8k9z8063aheunbiy2gbzws</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359671</id>
      <parentid>1359670</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-10T20:28:09Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* Social Media */</comment>
      <origin>1359671</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10878" sha1="tnhr7z6njhh3o5w4x985urucvowcvvq" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor. 

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>tnhr7z6njhh3o5w4x985urucvowcvvq</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359682</id>
      <parentid>1359671</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-10T23:18:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* Stolen Valor */</comment>
      <origin>1359682</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="10877" sha1="gm4t5x019rfju33obii7d6v5sbrzdnl" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;


&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <id>1359713</id>
      <parentid>1359682</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-11T18:27:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
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      <origin>1359713</origin>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]

==UMK and women==
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>irs6ukpmu6taz336nbuy133qe7302ej</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359750</id>
      <parentid>1359713</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-12T12:30:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JanisJoplin</username>
        <id>2370</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1359750</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11422" sha1="elqvjtorecuw83hk0h8l7m208xe36hn" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Tony Cossio}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Tony Cossio}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>elqvjtorecuw83hk0h8l7m208xe36hn</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359751</id>
      <parentid>1359750</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-12T12:36:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Cobaltcat</username>
        <id>2468</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Real name, lol. Also stolen valour. Faggot.</comment>
      <origin>1359751</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="14352" sha1="rr8dfpj05j5raioic07xrxgdzstn8cc" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{ wayback |http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746| His failed bitcoin website }}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>rr8dfpj05j5raioic07xrxgdzstn8cc</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359752</id>
      <parentid>1359751</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-12T12:40:12Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Cobaltcat</username>
        <id>2468</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Stolen Valor */</comment>
      <origin>1359752</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="15058" sha1="l3l0ysg2jq9bvn0gpif18ixex4sjgmd" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{ wayback |http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746| His failed bitcoin website }}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>l3l0ysg2jq9bvn0gpif18ixex4sjgmd</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1359754</id>
      <parentid>1359752</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-12T15:20:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MarioMario456</username>
        <id>2160</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Bitcoin scam */</comment>
      <origin>1359754</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="15060" sha1="9mbbtj57g4qyp66y9szay5btqi78nix" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{ytchannel|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>9mbbtj57g4qyp66y9szay5btqi78nix</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>1360580</id>
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        <id>2021</id>
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      <minor/>
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      <text bytes="15055" sha1="ppzosq4j6h2ya9gvaegylxzmo16ej4n" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>ppzosq4j6h2ya9gvaegylxzmo16ej4n</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361036</id>
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      <timestamp>2023-01-14T02:15:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kaizen</username>
        <id>1814</id>
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      <text bytes="15676" sha1="6tv941hd5avds4zn7jyw6b1rtz34ll5" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis [too poor to pay]. This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|https://foiaproject.org/case_detail/?title=on&amp;style=foia&amp;case_id=33305}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>6tv941hd5avds4zn7jyw6b1rtz34ll5</sha1>
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      <id>1361037</id>
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      <timestamp>2023-01-14T02:43:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kaizen</username>
        <id>1814</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION */</comment>
      <origin>1361037</origin>
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      <text bytes="15711" sha1="41lg19szlshj6tol3bnrvk1gwuyvlxf" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf|Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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        <id>2160</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

&lt;!-- {{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;}} --&gt;

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf|Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>8lhfj5ijyc32p2jokk0ul581gcglq24</sha1>
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      <id>1361041</id>
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      <text bytes="15780" sha1="swo83rbas4q91usuisvcz93pqo8qkns" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf|Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf|Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}


===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolotion company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>la0blphugvaomshb8bjb2ozxyimy0jm</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361151</id>
      <parentid>1361145</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-16T19:10:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Zagan</username>
        <id>8</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION */</comment>
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      <text bytes="16721" sha1="jp0vzb7e411fn87238cetafjwudvmg6" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF's account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolotion company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>1utior69l9urvv5ejr8asxxrg8g93qf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361615</id>
      <parentid>1361614</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-24T19:44:01Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kaizen</username>
        <id>1814</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>Protected "[[Umkemesik]]": per request ([Edit=Allow only administrators] (indefinite) [Move=Allow only administrators] (indefinite))</comment>
      <origin>1361614</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="11227" sha1="1utior69l9urvv5ejr8asxxrg8g93qf" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})


{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>1utior69l9urvv5ejr8asxxrg8g93qf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361931</id>
      <parentid>1361615</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-28T02:09:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Jacket</username>
        <id>2021</id>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Jacket</username>
        <id>2021</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>Removed protection from "[[Umkemesik]]": Automated page unlock - In page: [[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="16719" sha1="oqgbdts89xqr9n0ojg8rouoos1xb7bz" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>oqgbdts89xqr9n0ojg8rouoos1xb7bz</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361945</id>
      <parentid>1361932</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-29T10:11:58Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Vulpix</username>
        <id>4226</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Humble Beginnings */ "... of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (More [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny." Uncapitalized the word more.</comment>
      <origin>1361945</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16719" sha1="lq1ivsm9uhlxe841wumgluabvgetrfe" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>lq1ivsm9uhlxe841wumgluabvgetrfe</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361946</id>
      <parentid>1361945</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-29T10:31:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Vulpix</username>
        <id>4226</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* See also */ Moved EDP445 from row 5 to row 8. Reason? Row 1-6 is about ED. Rows 6 and bellow is other.</comment>
      <origin>1361946</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16719" sha1="o6fqkf6cuaa2qnfkus5fszwgqs9t2kt" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;1Zz7JPLMhRU&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>o6fqkf6cuaa2qnfkus5fszwgqs9t2kt</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361970</id>
      <parentid>1361946</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-29T20:33:14Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Chicago Footjobs */</comment>
      <origin>1361970</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16719" sha1="m91z8umgiwcuy23eujkik8wvv6ivu89" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>m91z8umgiwcuy23eujkik8wvv6ivu89</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361972</id>
      <parentid>1361970</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-29T20:41:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* What the faggot did */</comment>
      <origin>1361972</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="16793" sha1="qosr9qsbcj8l3jdl88mbgzxgnqdip1w" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;UMK sues ED&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>qosr9qsbcj8l3jdl88mbgzxgnqdip1w</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361978</id>
      <parentid>1361972</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-29T21:58:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* What the faggot did */</comment>
      <origin>1361978</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="16888" sha1="1y4o1chkbtza2qc6vw1go3bbm6nwemd" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;UMK sues ED&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>1y4o1chkbtza2qc6vw1go3bbm6nwemd</sha1>
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      <id>1361981</id>
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        <id>2077</id>
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      <text bytes="17040" sha1="54eypjl9g8gebtgr935k070ti4dmr17" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===TONY CASSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk does to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk does to court pt 2]]'''}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>54eypjl9g8gebtgr935k070ti4dmr17</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361982</id>
      <parentid>1361981</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T00:20:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* TONY CASSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1361982</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17040" sha1="49akbe1hih4ds4ghkqsksv3xggnmydr" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===TONY COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk does to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk does to court pt 2]]'''}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>49akbe1hih4ds4ghkqsksv3xggnmydr</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361983</id>
      <parentid>1361982</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T00:21:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* TONY COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1361983</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17040" sha1="9xjaxlbo19mbvjcf3m86jkbo6ilhnot" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk does to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk does to court pt 2]]'''}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>9xjaxlbo19mbvjcf3m86jkbo6ilhnot</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1361984</id>
      <parentid>1361983</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T00:21:44Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GloriousReader</username>
        <id>2077</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1361984</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17040" sha1="nvv4yv4j8b4cvo7ig9ex9ht6cliwse2" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:15:13Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="17065" sha1="ojz2wvpos3hwma3z7dasquutjejr0lh" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''}}
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <id>1362071</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''}}
|File:Umkhistory.mp4 Court reading of his search history
&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>r96hfm3m33dqgbjeggvrdfiajn6joao</sha1>
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      <id>1362072</id>
      <parentid>1362071</parentid>
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        <id>9</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|File:Umkhistory.mp4 Court reading of his search history}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>4m0cekabrknfbv4ec1ayv0cvi077ckr</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362073</id>
      <parentid>1362072</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:34:10Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362073</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17127" sha1="cpvhpv19thirgpw2mmushgcddobd3as" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|[[File:Umkhistory.mp4]] Court reading of his search history}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>cpvhpv19thirgpw2mmushgcddobd3as</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362074</id>
      <parentid>1362073</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:35:39Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362074</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17140" sha1="gxcwqowbfr8rqffb8fe7hlix8g5ut2u" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|height=480px]] Court reading of his search history}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>gxcwqowbfr8rqffb8fe7hlix8g5ut2u</sha1>
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    <revision>
      <id>1362075</id>
      <parentid>1362074</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:36:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>9</id>
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      <text bytes="17141" sha1="hj562bl8orq334oojngt4zu1xi2wpso" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|xheight=480px]] Court reading of his search history}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>hj562bl8orq334oojngt4zu1xi2wpso</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362076</id>
      <parentid>1362075</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:36:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362076</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17132" sha1="12g2wwe53ke9rg78w6t09zvg37gqei2" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|x480]] Court reading of his search history}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>12g2wwe53ke9rg78w6t09zvg37gqei2</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362077</id>
      <parentid>1362076</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:38:24Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362077</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17133" sha1="dnf2oz1juqvxbqnwpujpex22qxkkaku" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]] Court reading of his search history}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>1362078</id>
      <parentid>1362077</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:38:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
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      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362078</origin>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 1]]'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''[[umk goes to court pt 2]]'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;Court reading of his search history&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>0hktr315rhhmpri0eugcl4843628x1w</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362079</id>
      <parentid>1362078</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:39:17Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362079</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17147" sha1="8xeqijmkpc3g9mkouwb3tqhru63v805" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;Court reading of his search history&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>8xeqijmkpc3g9mkouwb3tqhru63v805</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362080</id>
      <parentid>1362079</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-01-30T21:39:34Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>TabbyGarf</username>
        <id>9</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor/>
      <comment>/* JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED */</comment>
      <origin>1362080</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17153" sha1="man83utqvmcwo6b0hta4z0qf3yuu6kk" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

&lt;center&gt;&lt;h1&gt;What makes this faggot hard&lt;/h1&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

===What the faggot did===
{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==What makes this faggot hard==
&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>6tyuhz3wxtozwo7yu8ajkprjmzf1awg</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362557</id>
      <parentid>1362524</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-02-03T20:54:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MarioMario456</username>
        <id>2160</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Stolen Valor */</comment>
      <origin>1362557</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="17133" sha1="4odcawcnicx2zylzim91l4no37ihj0k" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==What makes this faggot hard==
&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>1362560</id>
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      <timestamp>2023-02-03T22:02:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MarioMario456</username>
        <id>2160</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Chicago Footjobs */</comment>
      <origin>1362560</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="18140" sha1="h595ym7fffrynwfzwf97m32bao2afff" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to one of his friends, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1362561</id>
      <parentid>1362560</parentid>
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        <id>2160</id>
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{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to one of his friends, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to one of his friends, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|TBD}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>2cnzo0ol9m07xewpxm76yuefdi07ms1</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1364304</id>
      <parentid>1364103</parentid>
      <timestamp>2023-03-08T21:39:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>I hate autistic people</username>
        <id>2016</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>1364304</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="18240" sha1="exuroh6joupaknzb8oogyurwtdckllv" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to one of his friends, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|TBD}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <text bytes="18254" sha1="jy2uswme2hmttdrknjfpjfxujmf004u" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE LMFAO'''

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to one of his friends, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
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{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{GNA}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>nvjjyd5dgfj51s73gpl7ox1km3voqzs</sha1>
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      <timestamp>2023-07-01T14:22:32Z</timestamp>
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      <text bytes="18261" sha1="3g0vn4i8ydwhp60cx0sm8pny8wssk5y" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <text bytes="18276" sha1="rk519zyfr4ccndcz9vvqs20ggtnzf0p" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{Pedoseires}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <text bytes="18276" sha1="anv4bophf69tnc1sx30clt8pynnrby1" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{pedoseires}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>anv4bophf69tnc1sx30clt8pynnrby1</sha1>
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      <id>1377107</id>
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        <id>18</id>
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      <text bytes="18282" sha1="bg12vwa8or2qv2sazz74nhvaga4tz6z" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{Childabuseseries}}


{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}

[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
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      <text bytes="18291" sha1="mpu922mz9e2pihmvdj3uzf9t2ymj93k" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[EDP445]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{history}}
{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{Childabuseseries}}
{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}
[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>mpu922mz9e2pihmvdj3uzf9t2ymj93k</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>1382122</id>
      <parentid>1381677</parentid>
      <timestamp>2024-01-07T16:34:03Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Kamaloka</username>
        <id>2333</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* See also */</comment>
      <origin>1382122</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="18362" sha1="0klpriil1uacehufnsp6lcfde66x5ul" xml:space="preserve">{{pedo}}
{{exclusive}}
{{archenemy|Aediot}}
{{spics}}
{{corner|[[Image:Chris Hansen Says Hi.gif|100px]]}}
''Note: this is an article about an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] user. For more information, please see the appropriate [[User:Umkemesik|user page]]. Please shit up his Talkpage by leaving obnoxious templates wherever you see fit''.&lt;br&gt;

{{ib|[[File:UMK full face pic.jpg|270px]]&lt;br&gt;Federal Foot Inspector}}
{{Ibhead|&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''Umkemesik'''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;}}
{{ibrow|'''Real name'''|Jose Antonio Cossio, JR.}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|[[Mexico|Mexican]] [[File:MiniflagMexico.jpg|22px]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|Uber Driver / Rapist}}
{{ibrow|'''YouTube'''|{{yt|c|UCOZOY4ECFyIgeIGJzEXvzlQ|Doritalos}}}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Umkemesik''' {{powerword|name=Jose Antonio Cossio Jr.}} was [[Aediot]]'s [[beaner]] successor to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and all around degenerate who got himself [[BTFO]]d from the site [[last thursday]] after getting caught creeping in a [[sixteen year old girl]]'s [[Discord]] DMs. He was relatively &lt;s&gt;respected&lt;/s&gt; tolerated for a short time for running the shithole known as [[EDF6]] as well as reviving the ED [[wiki]] for the umpteenth time and doing a better job than Assnapkins (however low that bar is set) by actually keeping the URL up for more than a week. Unsurprisingly however, he proved to share more traits than his gross [[obesity]] with other ex-owners of the site that include Queen [[Sherrod DeHippo|GirlVinyl]] herself.

When not shilling his failed [[message board]] [[Failure|Malhub]], UMK works as an Uber driving sex pest in [[Chicago]], [[Illinois]] who has [[raep|dubiously consensual sex]] with [[drunk]] women on a regular basis. Coupled with his tendency to shower girls online with fake compliments before [[Harassment|harassing]] them for not wanting to move countries to sleep with him; and it shouldn't really have come as a surprise that trying to solicit sex from a minor would be his undoing.

==Humble Beginnings==
UMK was voted off [[EDF]] island in 2012 for being a [[fat]] [[Mexican]] [[tryhard]] who got [[banned|kicked out]] of the air force for "exceeding authorized access" (more [[liek]] exceeding authorized weight [[amiright]]) and larceny. The overweight retard sent another airmen's pay check to a children's charity in Siberia, probably because his fellow airmen asked him politely to stop stealing all the pudding cups. Too stupid to cover his own tracks, UMK was promptly caught, tried, convicted, and dishonourably discharged.

After being butt [[raped]] by [[niggers|bubba]] in Fort Leavenworth, UMK joined the forum and took on the moniker of a [[1337]] haxor and [[internet tough guy]], and he was promptly removed from the EDF biosphere and out of [[butthurt]] UMK decided to try and brute force [[Zaiger]]'s password and created [[over 9000]] sock puppet accounts to try and rejoin our [[gay|beautiful]] forum. Zaiger in his [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|infinite wisdom]] decided to give UMK one more chance, because even though he was a disgusting junkie, he pitied this blobby beaner. All of these antics inevitably got him nominated for [[Faggot of the year]] in 2012.

'''[[Yes|CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY LET THIS GUY RUN THE SITE]] LMFAO'''

==Stolen Valor==
As a young [[fat|portly]] man with a need to compensate, UMK humbly joined the ranks of the [[Military|Chair Force]] to prove himself. This was a short lived dream however as UMK managed to get himself kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. This is a surprisingly difficult feat as a dishonorable discharge requires a ton of paperwork few commanders want to put themselves through. When asked about this, expect to hear that it was [[Graycat|NIGGER ADMIN ABUSE]] and he [[dindu nuffin|DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING]] to deserve it. UMK maintains that one day he will be able to re-enter the armed forces as a malding, obese, 40 year old man to reclaim his honor.

{{quote|The petitioner, contrary to his pleas, was convicted in December of 2004 of stealing U.S. currency, two violations of federal laws prohibiting improperly obtaining another person’s social security number and the use of that person’s social security number with intent to commit larceny, and communicating a threat. A military judge sentenced the petitioner to a bad-conduct discharge, confinement for 10 months, reduction to E-1, and a fine of $750.00 with an additional 3 months of confinement if the fine was not paid. The convening authority approved the findings and sentence as adjudged.|https://afcca.law.af.mil/content/afcca_opinions/cp/cossio-36206.pet.pdf}}

==My Little Pony==
Being a big enthusiast of all things to do with children, around 2012 UMK was a big fan of [[Team Fortress 2]] and [[My Little Pony]]. Wanting to combine his two passions, he created the map "DM_PONYVILLE_H2", based on the world from the MLP show. Alongside this, UMK uploaded videos of him playing on servers running his map with mods that replaced cartoon psychopaths with creepy recreations of the horses from the show. As embarrassing as it this looks, the map does have over 4k downloads and is still ran to this day by incredibly niche servers, no doubt infested with fellow child-enthusiasts. Link [https://gamebanana.com/mods/71442 here].

{{Center|&lt;youtube&gt;ukl5_dg8r8Y&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;br&gt;'''UMK removed this video; if you have it saved reupload it here'''}}


==Lawsuits==
===JOSE COSSIO JR VS ED (Soon™)===
{{videoframe|BOTDFvids|background-color: #FF6666;|font-weight: bold;
|&lt;youtube&gt;qyHkBuyeJ_U&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 1'''
|&lt;youtube&gt;F6ymLqv7f6o&lt;/youtube&gt;'''umk goes to court pt 2'''
|&lt;center&gt;[[File:Umkhistory.mp4|480px]]&lt;br /&gt;'''Court reading of his search history'''&lt;/center&gt;}}

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:umk sues.png
File:umk sues2 .png
File:umk sues3.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

===Jose Cossio Vs DENISSE CASTRO===
{{quote|Jose Cossio appeals the dismissal of his suit under 42 U.S.C. § 1983 alleging a host of civil rights violations in connection with a state criminal prosecution against him. He sued the City of Chicago, the Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department, the Cook County State’s Attorney, an Assistant State’s Attorney, a complaining witness, and numerous state court judges. We affirm..... 
&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;From these comments, it is apparent that the court regarded Cossio’s claims as baseless, and as such the court did not abuse its discretion in awarding attorney’s fees to Castro.|https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/ca7/11-1267/11-1267-2011-10-25-nonprecedential-disposition-2011-10-25.html}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs PATRICK BLANCHARD===
{{quote|Jose Cossio, a former employee of Cook County, Illinois, has filed several suits about his discharge. He believes that the County, its inspector general, and a state judge wrongly had him fired. After a state court rejected Cossio’s claims against the inspector general and the County, the district court dismissed a similar federal suit against them as blocked by claim preclusion. It later entered summary judgment for the judge, concluding that he committed no torts. Those rationales are correct, so we affirm. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have considered Cossio’s remaining arguments, but none has merit.|https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000/pdf/USCOURTS-ca7-19-03000-0.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs COOK COUNTY,===
{{quote|We affirm the order of the circuit court which found plaintiff-appellant's termination from Cook County was not against the manifest weight of the evidence. Further, there was no due process violation and the circuit court did not
err by failing to remand these proceedings. Finally, plaintiff-appellant had a duty to answer the county investigator's questions truthfully and he is not entitled to back pay. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;
Based on the above, the order of the circuit court affirming the order of the Cook County
Employee Appeals Board is affirmed.|https://www.illinoiscourts.gov/Resources/cee2d0ed-e3d7-48ed-8c57-b9ea4c9d6f6d/1160654_R23.pdf}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION===
{{quote|On April 28, 2020, this Court entered an order denying plaintiff's application to proceed in forma pauperis (too poor to pay). This Court set a deadline of May 15, 2020 to pay the filing fee. Later, this Court sua sponte gave plaintiff a two-week extension, and set a new deadline of May 29, 2020. This Court forewarned that it would dismiss the case if plaintiff failed to pay the filing fee. Plaintiff has not paid the fee, so this case is closed. Civil case terminated.|[https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/6935090/ILN-1-2020cv01437-docket.pdf Case Docket (1:20-cv-01437)]}}

===JOSE ANTONIO COSSIO, JR. vs Michael B. Donley===
{{quote|Jose Antonio Cossio, Jr., appeals the dismissal of his claim for reinstatement into the Air Force—or, alternatively, an honorable discharge—back pay, and other relief pursuant to the Little Tucker Act, 28 U.S.C. § 1346(a)(2). In 2004 Mr. Cossio was tried by court-martial and convicted of larceny, communicating a threat, computer fraud, and identity fraud; he was acquitted of an additional threat charge. The charges stemmed from a series of incidents in which Mr. Cossio diverted a fellow airman's salary to a charity in Russia, illegally obtained that airman's social security number by using his government computer, and threatened to "beat [the airman] into a coma.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AFFIRMED

COSTS
No costs.|https://casetext.com/case/cossio-v-donley-3 2012-1662}}

==Bitcoin scam==
Have you ever heard of Bitcoin Loki, or BTC-Loki? Of course you haven't. As this was yet another failure of our hero. Around year 2017, Joseph tried to create bitcoins, but of course like everything else he touches, he failed. 
*{{wayback|http://www.loki.xyz|20180330153746|title=His failed bitcoin website}}
*[https://www.facebook.com/btcloki/ The Facebook]


===Rentmyadspace===
In yet another futile attempt, Joey tried to make some quick bucks, but once again was immediately foiled. 
&lt;center&gt;&lt;youtube&gt;geyHrgl1Gd8&lt;/youtube&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

==UMK and women==
{{clear}}
[[File:UMK mad pussy slayer.jpg|thumb|right|With compliments like these, it's a wonder why she didn't come running.]]
This might not come as a massive surprise, but a [[fat]], [[Bald|balding]] beaner in his 40's whose only hobby is troll websites; does not have it easy when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. Despite this, he still gets pussy. How you might ask? Through his Uber driving job. UMK has admitted on multipole occasions that he has [[Rape|taken advantage of]] many drunk women late at night, and as he delivers these fair maidens to their residences, talks them into letting him get a taste of [[Chris-chan|china]]. The reaction from most when they heard this was disgust and ridicule, with people bringing it up to UMK and telling him he's a [[sick fuck]]. Yet somehow, he still thinks this is some [[Andrew Tate|epic alpha behaviour]] and still tells anyone who'll listen his tales of seduction.

On the internet, UMK is less successful. With him posting his own pictures on the yearbook, it's not as if women are oblivious to his less than stellar looks. Beyond this, UMK is very [[creepy]] and very [[Pathetic|spiteful]]. When one user spurned his affections, he uploaded their entire DMs with his messages omitted, before creating a custom xenforo plugin that [[Blocked|blacklisted her IP range]], meaning the site would 404 on her every time she tried to access it.
[[File:UMKrapesUBERpassengers.png|thumb|center|500px|The master of seduction at work.]]

==Faggot of the Year 2022==
For the 2022 [[Faggot of the Year]], UMK decided to take initiative and run it himself. However, he decided to add [[Discord]] users as candidates, a move which quickly upset the [[Cock Sucking|level-headed and calm]] [[ED Government|higher-ups]] who demanded he stop ruining an ED tradition and let someone else takeover. UMK brought up irrelevant nonsense to bullshit everyone, trying to claim there were [[LOLWUT|no rules against adding people outside the forums]]. To prove how cool and easy-going he is, UMK decided to ruin the vote by making every candidate [[User:Likeicare|LikeICare]] before storming off like a child in a tantrum, and trying to revive his shitty malhub for the 100th time. As a result, his admin perms were revoked as the logs leaked of UMK sperging that things didn't go his way.

&lt;center&gt;
{{frame|&lt;gallery  class="middle"; heights="130px" widths="300px"&gt;
File:UMK FOTY AUTISM.png|{{rainbowtiny|CAN YOU NOT BE AUTISTIC FOR FIVE SECONDS?}}
&lt;/gallery&gt;|border=black|background=white}}
&lt;/center&gt;

==Chicago Footjobs==
In November of 2022, UMK starts messaging a notorious [[underage]] [[GOTIS|nazi girl]] on [[Discord]], asking if she'd commit to a 3 hour [[auschwitz|train ride]] to visit him in his state of Chicago. Somehow it had not occurred to him that asking a girl he hardly knows to come visit him after she told him to stop texting her; might be a bad idea. After pointing out it would be an expensive trip for someone who isn't currently employed, UMK offered her a job, a footjob no less. After checking that she is still in high school, UMK continued to suggest she come for an ED meetup alongside another Chicago ED user. However, after she checked with the other user to make sure this meetup was official, she was surprised to learn he knew nothing about it.

&lt;center&gt;&lt;gallery&gt;
File:UMKDownfall1.jpg
File:UMKDownfall2.jpg
File:UMKDownfall3.jpg
File:UMKDownfall4.jpg
File:UMKDownfall5.jpg
File:UMKDownfall6.png|UMK messages someone he harassed in the past, assuming she's oblivious.
File:UMKDownfall7.png|Proving how much of a big boy he is, UMK has another mod fight his battles.
File:UMKDownfall8.png
File:UMKDownfall9.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;&lt;/center&gt;

A month passes and in early January of 2023, slowly the story starts leaking that a moderator is sexting with children on the ED discord. UMK decides to start chatting up another female user on Steam, this user being the same one he IP banned and leaked messages from. He is completely gobsmacked when she tells him to leave her alone as she does not associate with pedophiles. Not realising he's in the shit, UMK decides to get moderators on the Discord to confront this woman about her mean pedophile comment. People in the chat start sharing the rumours they've heard and 4 hours later, a thread on EDF is created containing all of UMK's creepy texts. At this point, it's over for UMK as he leaves without putting up a fight, and starts handing over the domain and letting people photoshop him into oblivion.

Except not really as the fat retard now refuses to hand over the domain. Yes, this dramatica.online domain, currently hosting this scathing article, is owned by UMK. Now that his footjob requests are public for all to see, he's suddenly gone very quiet. He went through with the domain transfer but cancelled it at the last second when the EDF thread exposing him went live. Look forward to having a new ED to bookmark in a years time.

[[File:UMK cancels domain handover.png|thumb|center|Let the domain wars begin again!]]

==UMK Doxes Kaizen==
[[File:Kaizen goodbye note.png|800px|center|thumb|{{EDF|t|in-light-of-recent-events.5640|The goodbye note}} (Archives: {{archive|jFySt|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/in-light-of-recent-events.5640/|20230203214704|title=2}})]]
On February 2, [[2023]], the then-owner of ED, [[User:Kaizen|Kaizen]], got [[dox]]ed; not only on [[EDF6]], but other locations all over the [[Internets]]. EDiots immediately suspected UMK to be the doxer, because not only was he a former friend of Kaizen, he was threatening to sue Kaizen for "breach of contract" after Kaizen posted a bunch of his EDF DMs.

Soon after this, Kaizen [[Done with ED|quit ED]] and transferred ownership of ED to “one of his friends”, PAX. He also confirmed UMK was the one behind the doxing, and also that he sent copies of the dox to two [[enemies of the lulz]]: [[Adezero]], the whore that fucked [[Ass Napkins]]; and [[Conrad Rockenhaus]], another man Adez slept with and former owner of ED.

==What makes this faggot hard==
{{center|&lt;youtube&gt;wM7S2wXegCE&lt;/youtube&gt;}}

==Lulzy Shoop Pics==
{{cg|Shoops|5|center|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK CHRIS HANSON.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON 2.jpg
File:chicago footjob.png
File:umk love from chicago.png
File:UMK prison buddies.jpg
&lt;/gallery&gt;|&lt;gallery perrow="5"&gt;
File:UMK runs from the scene of the crime.png
File:UMK PRISON BITCH.jpg
File:STORY OF UMK.jpg
File:UMKS VAN.jpg
File:UMK WES WATSON.jpg
File:UMK GREEN LIT.jpg
File:UMK footlongs and footjobs.png
File:UMK is fat big shocker.jpg
File:UMK fat bastard photoshop.png
File:UMK is yiiking out.png
File:UMK the cuck.png
&lt;/gallery&gt;
|}}

==See also==
*[[Adezero]] - A haggard e-[[whore]] and UMK's only true looksmatch
*[[Aediot]]
*[[Dan Schneider]]
*[[Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians]]
*[[Done with ED]] 
*[[EDP445]]
*[[Grand Wizard]] - [[Shitty attack article]] he wrote on some nobody 
*[[William "AlGore" Atchison]] - Another upstanding example of an ED user
*[[Zaiger]]

==Social Media==
* {{kfuser|umk.58381|His KF account}} {{archive|AbX29}}
*&lt;s&gt; {{Reddituser|umkemesik|His Reddit account}}&lt;/s&gt; '''BANNED'''
* {{reddituser|btcloki|BTC loki reddit account}}

==External links==
* {{EDF|t|5477|The Callout Thread}} (Archived: {{archive|175yL|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/umk-is-a-legitimate-pedophile.5477|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|3073|Unrelated janny slapfight thread where UMK acts like an autist}} (Archived: {{archive|y2AHV|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/3073|title=2}})
* {{EDF|t|5166|The failed FOTY 2022 thread.}} (Archived: {{archive|VGpSP|1}} {{wayback|https://forum.encyclopediadramatica.online/threads/5166|title=2}})
* {{archive|lT7nw|Stackoverflow account}}
* {{archive|fr8zx|Rocketreach account}}
* {{archive|VSQ5Q|His demolition company on Instagram}}
* {{archive|p8dwS|Demolition company on homeadvisor}}

{{history}}
{{FallenGov}}
{{Edforumseries}}
{{Childabuseseries}}
{{Timeline|Featured article March 8 &amp; 9, [[2023]]|[[Amphetamines]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[BLMKidnapping]]}}
[[Category:People|Cossio, Jose Antonio Jr.]]
[[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Wikis Suck]]
[[Category:2023]]</text>
      <sha1>0klpriil1uacehufnsp6lcfde66x5ul</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
</mediawiki>