Hi from a new member, 'self confessed pedo'

Hi, ive been reading a lot here so thought i'd better join up and say hello. Obviously I wont give too many details of a personal nature but suffice to say I'm a man in my early 40s.

I have had sexual feelings towards children since even before puberty, I honestly believe you are either born a Pedo and there is little you can do to stop it. However, what you can do is control your actions and i'll go on record here to say I have never done anything inappropriate for real.

I do fantacise about it all the time however, my sexual life now (if you can call it that) is spent alone and online, either trading pictures or just chatting with other like minded people. I have found that I have almost entirely lost any attraction for adult women and if I say a good looking mother and daughter walking down the street, its the daughter I would be looking at.

I don't mind the word 'Pedophile', it is after all what I am and to deny it would be a lie. However, i'm not a child molester (I have had the opportunity as well by the way but did not act) and hate how the media has taken over the word to mean that. As we all know, Pedophile means 'child lover', not necessarily in a sexual way either, some so called 'pedophiles' just enjoy the company of children. I will admit that I do think of them sexualy and in fantacy, I have had some very dark and exciting thoughts. However, I do understand the difference and just as some grown women are known to fantasise about being raped, I keep reality and fantasy separate.

Do I hate being a Pedo? Yes and No. Its who I am and I can't change that, however, it does make you feel lonely and isolated at times. Not being able to speak freely about it in public can be hard, the only time I feel free and open is when i'm online so a forum like this is always going to be a big help to be able to express myself.

Anyway, thanks for the forum, if anyone wants to comment or chat, please do.

Hi and welcome to the forum. As you see there are many of us here. Hopefully you can feel free to express yourself here, as most of us feel. It's a very helpful community.

open2mostthings wrote:Hi, ive been reading a lot here so thought i'd better join up and say hello. Obviously I wont give too many details of a personal nature but suffice to say I'm a man in my early 40s.

I have had sexual feelings towards children since even before puberty, I honestly believe you are either born a Pedo and there is little you can do to stop it. However, what you can do is control your actions and i'll go on record here to say I have never done anything inappropriate for real.

I do fantacise about it all the time however, my sexual life now (if you can call it that) is spent alone and online, either trading pictures or just chatting with other like minded people. I have found that I have almost entirely lost any attraction for adult women and if I say a good looking mother and daughter walking down the street, its the daughter I would be looking at.

I don't mind the word 'Pedophile', it is after all what I am and to deny it would be a lie. However, i'm not a child molester (I have had the opportunity as well by the way but did not act) and hate how the media has taken over the word to mean that. As we all know, Pedophile means 'child lover', not necessarily in a sexual way either, some so called 'pedophiles' just enjoy the company of children. I will admit that I do think of them sexualy and in fantacy, I have had some very dark and exciting thoughts. However, I do understand the difference and just as some grown women are known to fantasise about being raped, I keep reality and fantasy separate.

Do I hate being a Pedo? Yes and No. Its who I am and I can't change that, however, it does make you feel lonely and isolated at times. Not being able to speak freely about it in public can be hard, the only time I feel free and open is when i'm online so a forum like this is always going to be a big help to be able to express myself.

Anyway, thanks for the forum, if anyone wants to comment or chat, please do.

Hi. Welcome to the forum op.

I am not a pedophile but I am fascinated by this and other controversial topics.

If you have not harmed a child, then I hold no judgment towards you. Of course nobody can truly know anybody on here. You don't know that I am not a serial killer

I am not entirely sure I agree that you born a pedophile. It probably has a lot to do with emotional and sexual conditioning during childhood.

You say that you fantasize about it "all the time", that sort of makes me wonder if your interest has taken over or rather is present in your life perhaps to an excessive degree?

You say you have "almost entirely" lost your attraction for adult women. This makes it sounds like in the past, perhaps when you were younger, there was a more significant attraction?

It's just from the way I view things, I see pedophilia as a sort of dysfunctional progressive pathology with an obsessional, strongly sexual interest in children. But the potential for it to progress interests me.

I could interpret from what you have written that you are somewhat socially isolated and lonely. And I can get this picture in my mind, from some of the descriptions you have written of someone that spends perhaps very significant amounts of time in relation to your sexual interest in children, and collecting of material that interests you.

One thing I have noticed is your language is not as quite as obsessional describing matters of children as some of the other posters. Those posters write things that suggest an absolute massive preoccupation with children and constant rationalization of their progressive relationship to get closer and closer to children in real life, but of course never molest !!

I wonder, perhaps you have social difficulties or don't have whatever special traits it takes to attract women.

If you had some interest more in earlier life, I wonder if you were more skilled at getting attention from "attractive" women (of whatever legal age you want), well I wonder if this would have impacted on the progression of your sexual interests. I also wonder, if that your attraction to children, which I am theorizing might have pathological and obsessive characteristics has sort of "pulled you away" from developing more sexual interest in women, and perhaps perusing women.

If what you are saying is accurate (who knows anybody on here), then you don't sound like a person who poses any risk to children, especially as it does not sound like you are rationalizing and justifying and pursuing being around the "potential pray" ie children as much as possible, unlike various people on here.

My personal opinion, is that with pedophilia, there are at least in many cases, as I have said pathological, compulsive and obsessive elements. There seems a significant potential for a progression of these aspects in these cases.

I read various people on here, constantly romanticizing their "feelings" towards children. They are "child like" and should spend as much time as possible around children, they were "meant" to be around children is basically implied. Children "love them", they have a "special gift", being around child is how it should be, ie every single moment of every day if possible. They work with children, want to spend as much time around whatever children they are attracted to as they can access because their situation is "special" and children are "special", oh and they can play with the children, maybe help the children dress, oh lets give them a bath! Oh of course they won't go over the line and get sexual. Why should people worry just because they constantly masturbate to children, why should people be concerned that they are completely obsessed with children and want to spend ALL their time around them? I don't know about you, but it seems obvious to me, that on average, having people with a strong sexual attraction to children around children all the time is tempting them, and is creating a risk. Given that it is quite obvious that the perspectives and mental preoccupation these people have with children is not healthy (despite the sexual attraction), I mean it is simply not a good idea to have them around children 24/7.

Well I have rambled on. Nice to meet you.

That was funny man. Wisedude. The rant you just made. I sort of agree with you.

Open2mostthings, i am glad to meet you. My obsession for children did not escalate until after i went through a depression figuring out i was a pedophile. I think this is due to trying to figure out myself and communicate with people in the best words possible of how i feel. I am hoping i can calm down.

Wow, thanks for such a detailed and informed reply, you do indeed live up to your name sir!

I will try to answer each point you raised as I see it as follows,

Wisedude wrote:I am not entirely sure I agree that you born a pedophile. It probably has a lot to do with emotional and sexual conditioning during childhood.

I have no doubt that in a lot of cases, this hightens the condition, however, I would like to put on record that I had a pretty normal childhood. My parents never separated and I was not abused. However, I still recall strongly having a fascination with other kids my age and younger back to around 9 or 10 years old and when I started to masturbate from 11-12 onwards, I would often use the underwear section of my mother's clothing catalogues for inspiration, usually ending up in the kids section, where they would have pics of young boys and girls in underwear and swimsuits. This is what has lead me to believe I was 'born this way', I can think of no other influence that could have steered me down this path.

You say that you fantasize about it "all the time", that sort of makes me wonder if your interest has taken over or rather is present in your life perhaps to an excessive degree?

Yes, you could say that. My work is very seasonal and so I often have a lot of free time on my hands. Therefore, I often spend my free time with laptop in front of me chatting on adult chat sites, usually to other 'pervs', or looking to add to my collection of young pics (I prefer non nudes, they just seem more real), etc.

You say you have "almost entirely" lost your attraction for adult women. This makes it sounds like in the past, perhaps when you were younger, there was a more significant attraction?

Yes, I was in fact with a woman for 15 years and helped her raise her daughter from the age of 8. I never did anything with her daughter although I will admit to thinking about it.

I could interpret from what you have written that you are somewhat socially isolated and lonely. And I can get this picture in my mind, from some of the descriptions you have written of someone that spends perhaps very significant amounts of time in relation to your sexual interest in children, and collecting of material that interests you.

Yes and No. I do have a small circle of friends and do socialise occasionally with others. However, since becoming single again after such a long relationship as mentioned above, i'm still happy to enjoy my personal freedom and I always have my dog for company anyway. Sure, I do sometimes get a bit lonely but on the whole, that's less than 50% of the time and I certainly wouldn't preclude the option of entering another relationship in the future, its just that i'm not actively looking right now.

One thing I have noticed is your language is not as quite as obsessional describing matters of children as some of the other posters. Those posters write things that suggest an absolute massive preoccupation with children and constant rationalization of their progressive relationship to get closer and closer to children in real life, but of course never molest !!

I have some friends who have kids and sure, I enjoy spending time with them but I don't actively seek them out. Ive never thought about volunteering to help out in a youth clue for example.

I wonder, perhaps you have social difficulties or don't have whatever special traits it takes to attract women. If you had some interest more in earlier life, I wonder if you were more skilled at getting attention from "attractive" women (of whatever legal age you want), well I wonder if this would have impacted on the progression of your sexual interests. I also wonder, if that your attraction to children, which I am theorizing might have pathological and obsessive characteristics has sort of "pulled you away" from developing more sexual interest in women, and perhaps perusing women.

I'll freely admit that im not good on that front. I'm certainly not Brad Pitt and do have some personal confidence issues. Women I do know (usualy friends wives or partners) usually say what a nice guy I am and, etc. but unfortunately for a woman to get to know me like that, they would have to get past my other short comings and i'm never successful in 'pulling' when out with some friends at a club, etc.

If what you are saying is accurate (who knows anybody on here), then you don't sound like a person who poses any risk to children, especially as it does not sound like you are rationalizing and justifying and pursuing being around the "potential pray" ie children as much as possible, unlike various people on here.

I appreciate that. Like I said, I HAVE had the opportunity in the past. My step daughter is the most obvious and I also have a friend who has a pretty little 4yo girl who adores me! I've stayed with them before and shes always wanting me to play with her and both him and his partner have remarked how good I am with kids. If I was going to molest, surely I would have done it by now but that is a flippant thing to say. Did most of the worlds adult rapists, murderers, etc. KNOW they were going to do it 10 years before the fact? I doubt it.

I read various people on here, constantly romanticizing their "feelings" towards children. They are "child like" and should spend as much time as possible around children, they were "meant" to be around children is basically implied. Children "love them", they have a "special gift", being around child is how it should be, ie every single moment of every day if possible.......

Yes, this annoys me. Children love ALL adults that show them kindness and attention, its a natural instinct to want to feel noticed and protected. Just because kids like them, doesn't make them special. It just happens to tie in with their deeper desires.

Why should people worry just because they constantly masturbate to children, why should people be concerned that they are completely obsessed with children and want to spend ALL their time around them? I don't know about you, but it seems obvious to me, that on average, having people with a strong sexual attraction to children around children all the time is tempting them, and is creating a risk. Given that it is quite obvious that the perspectives and mental preoccupation these people have with children is not healthy (despite the sexual attraction), I mean it is simply not a good idea to have them around children 24/7.

Totally agree. Its like leaving someone with suicidal thoughts in a room filled with pills and a gun, sooner or later, something's going to happen.

I don't want to be a hypocrite here, if I can't be honest here, what's the point in posting? The simple fact is that YES, I DO fantasise about touching and having sex with a child. However, I honestly feel its FANTASY and would never do it in real life. I keep my contact with kids to an appropriate level and so won't be training to be a teacher or joining up as a youth mentor, simple.