DEAR MISS MANNERS:
At a luncheon, I noticed that several people called Mr. Nixon "President Nixon." Because this is an election year, I'm sure there are people who would like to know the correct way to address an ex-president.
Gentle Reader:
Yes, and some of them are probably running for office.
The rule is that there is only one president of the United States at a time; therefore, the title does not accompany anyone out of office. Many lesser titles do, however, so a former president generally uses his last such title. The proper address is Senator Nixon, as it is Governor Reagan and Governor Carter.
So why do we seem to have so many Mr. Presidents running around?
Miss Manners imagines that citizens so address them, in error, from an excess of respect, which she cannot find it in her heart to condemn. But it is a fine point of respect to realize that people who have held this office may actually prefer to follow the example of General Washington or Mr. Jefferson (as they were known in retirement) and be honored with less pomp rather than more.
This is in keeping with the egalitarianism to which all our leaders assure us that they are devoted. Also, it's a lot easier for these particular people to be becomingly modest than it is for anonymous citizens.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
My husband and I disagree about whether it is prudent and socially acceptable to discuss nicotine patches in the company of smokers.
We are both nonsmokers and feel that these patches are a wonderful development, but Tom believes that any smoker who is confronted with this subject will feel criticized or personally attacked.
I believe that smokers are not as overly sensitive as that to the subject, and that they would accept the discussion as simply another intellectual review of the latest advances in medical technology. I feel that a brief inquiry about their impressions of this product would only be viewed as polite interest in their opinion.
Gentle Reader:
Do you have these little intellectual discussions about nutrition with people whose weight you believe to be unhealthy, or about cosmetic surgery with people whose looks you don't like?
Miss Manners doesn't trust your disinterestedness, any more than your husband does, and he knows you better. Bringing up the subject of problems you identify in people you meet socially is the height of tactless nosiness. Polite people take care to avoid discussing any weaknesses they believe their listeners might take personally.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I want to know why teachers think it is rude to yawn in class. I don't know if it is because they think you are disrupting class, or if it is because they are tired themselves, and they think your yawn will make them yawn too.
Gentle Reader:
Your teachers were too exhausted to tell you this, but Miss Manners assures you that they have no hope of stopping your yawns. Their aim is to get you to cover your mouth, both so as to make your yawn less noticeable (because it is true that yawns are catching) and because they don't want to look at your tonsils during class.
Manners have never been able to take control of involuntary bodily reactions, which is why they sensibly attempt instead to augment them with polite, voluntary reactions. In the case of the yawn, it is covering the mouth.
Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper.
