Are Men More Interested in Women Than Vice Versa?

"Why are men more interested in women than women are in men?" —Virginia Woolf

When it comes to personal appearance, novelist Virginia Woolf was probably correct. Her satirical question may have been rhetorical, but it does have an answer. Modern women are different from Woolf's generation, however.

Women probably take a greater interest in the other attributes of a potential romantic partner in addition to appearance. This is because they invest more in reproduction and are highly selective in their choice of mate. These sex differences are not particular to humans but are observed in species as different from us as fruit flies.

Bateman's Principle

According to Bateman's principle, males of all species are more eager to mate and are less discriminating in their choice of a mate than females.

There is a fairly simple underlying rationale. Females make a greater biological investment in offspring than males do, given the greater size of eggs compared to sperm cells.

Whereas female reproductive capacity is limited by their number of eggs, male reproductive capacity is limited mainly by mating opportunities. This means that females can be more selective in their choice of a mate, whereas males, who invest less in reproduction, are universally more eager to mate and less selective in their choice of a partner.

Bateman's principle was backed up by early experiments on fruit flies that were subsequently criticized, but the general principle describes sex differences in behavior throughout the animal kingdom.

If Bateman's principle holds up widely in nature, it is pronounced for mammals whose females invest a great deal in offspring, given their long gestation period and the fact that young are nurtured, sometimes for extended periods, on mother's milk.

In general, female mammals prefer high-ranking males who can subdue their rivals, thereby demonstrating good genes and biological quality.

Among monogamous species, such as prairie voles, females may refuse to mate with any male other than their mate, demonstrating extreme selectivity. Where females are this selective, males generally invest a great deal in the care of offspring and receive a high probability of paternity in return.

If this is true of prairie voles, it also applies to humans in many societies.

Men's greater interest in the physical attractiveness of a partner was illustrated in research on online dating.

Online Dating and Mate Selection Criteria

Whereas men pay little attention to a woman's wealth or economic prospects, women tend to avoid dates who are uneducated, unemployed, or otherwise unlikely to be economically successful.

As far as online dating is concerned, the key criterion of men's interest in a woman is her physical appearance. This could be because they are interested only in a short-term relationship. Most research indicates that when men and women seek a long-term partner, they use the same criteria, valuing kindness, intelligence, humor, and other vital ingredients of a happy marriage.

Evolutionary psychologists highlighted the industries of pornography and prostitution that had primarily male customers as evidence that men are more eager to mate than women are (1).

So it is no surprise that the sex industry sells physically attractive women who incite sexual desire. They do so by exaggerating signs of fertility. Women are most fertile in their 20s and 30s, so older women enhance their sexual attractiveness by appearing younger.

The other key sign of fertility is given by secondary sexual traits that emerge at puberty, including enlarged breasts and a narrow waist-to-hip ratio, subcutaneous storage of fat, and so forth.

Of course, these traits were fashioned by sexual selection precisely to attract men's interest. Although men have secondary sexual characteristics of their own, such as tall stature, muscular torso, and facial hair, these are not as interesting to women as women's traits are to men. For that reason, pornographic magazines depicting nude men have never taken much money from women, although they were a hit with gay men (1).

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So Virginia Woolf has her answer. That would be the end of the story, were it not for the fact that women's sexual sensibilities have begun to converge with those of men.

Gender Reversals in Modern Societies

The days of women perusing romance novels while men enjoyed pornography are over. Mainstream fiction targeting a mixed audience is becoming increasingly pornographic with explicit sex scenes and warnings of unsuitability for children.

On the internet, women now consume pornography and make up a substantial fraction of those who are "addicted" to this form of entertainment (2). We have also seen the emergence of female point-of-view pornography, where erotic scenes are developed and shot by female writers and directors.

Other industries cater to women's sexual and romantic needs. These include Japan's love hotels that offer romantic interactions to affluent women. Likewise, European women participate in sexual tourism, where older women provide gifts in return for sexual dalliances with younger men.

When women arrange hen parties, they may engage male strippers.

Such gender reversals can be interpreted in terms of women's increasing sexual freedom, control over fertility, social status, and power, with greater competition, rising risk-taking, and sensation-seeking.

Whatever the interpretation, many modern women are as interested in men as men are in women.