Chapter Text
The sound of clashing steel echoed deafeningly off the cramped walls. The goblins weren’t going down easily, but the heroes were slowly thinning their numbers. Akko finished off her second goblin with a wild cry of “By the power of the stars! Hiyaaaaaaaaaa!”
As the goblin fell to her sword, she looked around the room for her next target. The leader, coward that he was, was hiding near the door, and had already launched a bolt of flame that nearly ignited Lotte’s robes. There was still one goblin in the way though, so she began moving for him, raising her sword with as much menace as she could muster.
Only to see him drop to the ground, as Amanda’s form appeared from the gloom behind him, already pulling her knife free.
“Thanks Amanda!” Akko called, seeing that the path to the goblin leader was open now. If she could make a dash for him, she could end this fight, once and for all!
The goblin had a sudden look of panic, realising his protective wall of bodies had been broken. He barked a quick spell, and grease started to ooze across the floor in thick, slippery pools.
“Well, guess that’s not happening,” Amanda said with a grimace.
“I can still make it!” Akko prepared to charge for him.
“It’s too risky,” Diana called from across the room. She took a quick step away from the pair of goblins she was skirmishing with and loosed a pair of arrows towards the magical goblin. The first landed solidly in his shoulder, but the second was thrown wildly off by the goblins in her path.
“We’ll deal with the small fry,” Amanda called back, preparing to move over to assist her. “You and Sucy can hit him from here.”
“No, I got this!” Akko said, dashing forwards.
“Akko, no!” Diana shouted.
“Chaaaaaaaaarge!” Akko yelled.
And landed flat on her ass in the middle of a puddle of grease.
“Whaaaaaaat!?” Akko pouted, as the tiny conjured image of herself in shining paladin armour was tipped over with a wave of Professor Ursula’s wand.
“Sorry!” Professor Ursula said, holding up her hands apologetically.
Sucy practically doubled over, cackling loudly at her. “You rolled a 2!”
“With your Dexterity, you’d have needed like a 14 anyway,” Amanda said. “We told you not to try it.”
“But I wanted to kill the boss,” Akko said with a huff, crossing her arms. “You and Diana already got the last one.”
“There’s plenty more bosses ahead,” Ursula said placatingly.
“Spoilers!” Lotte said, a little more forcefully than she needed to.
Sucy rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I’m getting this one. I throw a fire bomb at the magic goblin.”
Ursula’s eyes widened, “The fire splash damage will set the pool of grease on fire, are you sure?”
Sucy’s grin got wider, “Absolutely.”
As Akko tried to get back to her feet on the slippery grease, she heard a shattering sound, a goblinoid scream of pain, and a WHOOSHing noise as suddenly she became very, very warm.
“Sucy! Why would you do that!?” She yelled, scrambling away from the grease as quickly as she could while trying to pat out the flames.
“I got them,” was all Sucy said, grinning maniacally.
Akko finally pulled herself out of the fire, and was relieved to feel the soothing wave of healing magic pass over her as Lotte took pity on her friend.
“If you’re quite done with that, could use a little help here!” Amanda yelled, surrounded by the two goblins she’d distracted away from Diana.
Somewhat reluctantly, Akko charged back into the fray, finishing a goblin off with her first strike before moving in to help Amanda with the last one.
The goblin mage scrambled away from his own grease pool, trying to pat out the flames from Sucy’s vial of fire. He turned back towards the group, hoping he could land a shot on that pesky archer.
Only to find himself staring down the length of an arrow aimed straight at him.
“I change my Hunted target to the goblin mage, and with my remaining actions, I will use Hunter’s Aim, giving me a +2 bonus on this attack. That’s a 17, so a 28 with all of my bonuses applied, which I believe is a critical, since 18 hit him last time, meaning that I apply my bow’s additional deadly damage. I then apply my bonus damage from Hunter’s Precision, on top of my critical shortbow damage for… 31 damage.”
A stunned silence rang out across the table.
“Okay…” Professor Ursula said, hesitantly raising her wand.
The goblin didn’t even have time to entertain his final thoughts. Diana’s arrow flew perfectly, blazing with light from the sheer force as it embedded itself straight between the goblin’s eyes. It dropped in a slump instantly, scattering the remaining goblins as they saw their leader downed.
“Did you have to make it glow!?” Akko demanded, as cheers went up from the table at Diana’s killing shot.
Ursula smiled appeasingly, “It felt appropriate.”
“I thought it was pretty cool,” Lotte said quietly.
“Have you played this before?” Amanda demanded. “Or did you just spend hours going through the book to make sure you had the strongest ranger possible?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Diana said. “It was a lucky roll, that’s all.”
Amanda narrowed her eyes, but let it slide. “Alright, what’s the loot?”
Ursula cleared her throat. As the routed goblins scurry out of the room, the party quickly rifles through the possessions of the fallen. While most of their rewards are foul-smelling leather and a few bits of bone, the goblin’s leader has a fairly substantial pouch of gold on him, along with an arcane scroll.
“Can any of us read the scroll?” Akko asked, excitedly. “Lotte you’ve got magic right?”
“Divine magic, not Arcane,” Lotte said, sadly.
“I can read it,” Amanda interjected. “Trained in Arcana!”
“Why do you even have that?” Sucy asked.
“Because rogues are cooler than you, that’s why,” Amanda replied smugly. “So what’s this sucker say?”
As Amanda’s eyes scan over the scroll, her brow knits in confusion. The parts written in her half-native Elven make it clear this is a scroll designed to teach the user to cast fire magic. However, most of the scroll seems to be written in Goblin, a language Amanda can’t read, rendering the fine details useless.
“Is the part written in Goblin in the same handwriting as the Elven parts?” Diana asked, intrigued.
“Good question! Roll, um,” Ursula skimmed through a list in front of her, “Society to check?”
As Amanda struggled to make sense of the scroll, Diana read over her shoulder. “The Elven and Goblin text both appear to be written in the same hand. The goblin didn’t look particularly proficient with the magic, so it seems likely that someone more skilled translated this scroll to teach him.”
Akko’s brow furrowed in confusion, as Diana continued to explain. “I believe someone bought the services of our foe here, with gold and magical training, to deter us from our destination.”
“But how did they know we were coming?” Akko asked, still confused.
“Probably not us specifically,” Amanda reasoned, “just wanted to keep everyone else out. Meaning they’re probably already ahead of us.”
Akko gasped. “The treasure! We have to get to it before it’s too late! Prince Arvis is relying on us!”
“Yes, I’m sure he’s waiting with bated breath,” Diana replied icily. “Regardless, rushing in will help nothing.”
“I dunno,” Sucy said. “Maybe Akko will fall on her butt again.”
“Sucy!!!”
Their suspicions only grew as they moved deeper into the dungeon. A trap that had already been sprung, a monster nursing a prior injury, and most tragically of all, a treasure chest that had already been emptied.
Someone was here ahead of them.
They’d clearly been trying to mask their presence, but had slipped up in a few places. “Should be a piece of cake then,” Amanda said, leaning back in her chair with a cocky smirk. “We’re clearly dealing with an amateur if they can’t even cover their tracks right.”
“Need I remind you we have hardly been stealthy ourselves,” Diana said coolly. “It likely won’t be long until our quarry becomes aware of our presence, if they are not already. I would advise being more cautious from here onwards.”
“Orrrr,” Akko said, hefting her sword, “we could bust through as fast as possible! They’ve been going slowly, trying to be all sneaky,” she wiggled her fingers in the air, miming a sneaky effect. “So if we keep moving, we can gain on them, maybe catch ‘em before they reach the treasure!”
The group mulled it over for a moment. “I really hate to admit it,” Sucy said, “but the dummy might have a point.”
Akko’s face lit up, as Lotte nodded. “I agree. But be careful, I’m starting to run low on heal spells.”
“That’ll be fine,” Akko waved her hand dismissively, “we have Sucy’s elixirs as backup.”
Silence rang out.
“...Right?”
Lotte, who was sitting next to Sucy and could see her alchemical gear list, made a small, sad noise.
“Lemme see that,” Amanda leaned across the table, yanking Sucy’s character sheet away. “Wait, why do you have seven doses of black adder venom?”
“I started with twelve,” Sucy said, with a feral grin.
“What do all these mutation thingies do?” Akko asked, pointing further down the list.
“One way to find out,” Sucy offered, with her miniature mimicking her offer, holding out a strange coloured vial towards Akko’s character.
Akko narrowed her eyes, “You make me drink enough weird potions in real life already.”
Diana’s head whipped round. “You make her what!?”
Sucy completely ignored her. “Your loss,” she said with a shrug.
Amanda, meanwhile, had perked up slightly. “Yo Sucy, is it cool if I put a couple doses of poison on my daggers?”
The anguish on Sucy’s face was palpable, as the conflict in her mind played out for all to see. On one hand, someone else using her poisons? Acknowledging their greatness? Wonderful. On the other hand, they were hers.
Oh well. Worst that could happen was she messed up and poisoned herself. It was a win-win really.
“You can have one,” Sucy ripped her character sheet back from Amanda’s hands. “If you waste it, I’ll fill your bed with deathcaps.”
Amanda nodded, before sitting up with a shock. “Wait you mean in the game or?”
Sucy’s grin got wider.
“Charming as this distraction has been,” Diana said, still glaring at Sucy over that feeding-potions-to-Akko comment, “had we not agreed that time was of the essence? Incidentally, I do have a medical kit if we should have nee-”
She was interrupted by Akko shouting, “Oh yeah you’re right! CHAAAAARGE!” And breaking straight through the door in front of them.
“At least let me check for traps first!” Amanda started yelling, before tailing off as she saw exactly what Akko had run into.
The room beyond looks ancient. No daylight filters in, leaving only the flickering light of the heroes’ torches to illuminate it, casting every corner in dancing shadows. The ground is uneven and broken, with overgrown vines and long crumbled stone littering the path. Long tables, cracked and weathered with age, stretch from one end of the room to the other. Statues line the walls, with an enormous replica of the ancient king standing proud behind the throne at the end of the hall, his magnificent sword and armour untouched by the years.
As Akko’s charge sends her barrelling into the middle of the room, nearly smashing into a table in the process, her allies move in behind her, a little more carefully. Lotte looks around the room in wide-eyed wonder, marvelling at the preserved detail on the statues.
“Well, we found the throne room,” Amanda said dryly.
Diana nodded, “The entrance to the vault should be somewhere in here. We should try to remain vigilant while we search, we wouldn’t want to do anything too foolish-”
Akko poked a statue with her sword.
With a horrible, grinding shriek of stone against stone, the statue’s head turned towards her.
“Statements that precede unfortunate events,” Sucy said, readying her crossbow.
As the statues slowly ground to life, Amanda wasted no time. She leapt into action, quickly dashing over tables to the nearest statue, landing a solid blow with her dagger. Part of the statue’s leg shattered, but it continued moving as if nothing had happened at all, turning its head towards her and raising its own weapon in a silent challenge.
“At least it’s poisoned,” Amanda said, preparing to dodge the statue’s retaliation.
“A-actually I think they’re immune,” Lotte said, launching a ray of light at another statue.
Amanda groaned in frustration as Sucy turned to her, “Deathcaps. Don’t forget.”
The fighting was brutal. The statues were merciless, striking with impossible strength at anyone who dared come near them, and closing down all who tried to keep their distance. Akko screamed as her sword clashed once again off the thick stone exterior of the statue.
And watched in amazement as the stone shattered, bits of the statue flying off at random as it reeled back.
“Yay! I think I got one!” Akko shouted to her allies over the din.
“You sure about that?” Amanda called back. Akko turned around, her eyes widening as the broken statue raised its own stone weapon towards her once again.
An arrow appeared from the corner of her vision, flying straight into the statue’s core, which immediately exploded, filling the air with choking dust and rubble.
“They’re vulnerable once they take enough damage,” Diana said. “Finish them off quickly once they break.” The heroes breathed a collective sigh of relief at the knowledge that the monstrous statues could actually be destroyed, as Diana continued. “Their intelligence is limited, they only attack whoever is closest.”
“Got it!” Akko called, running back to help out her allies. “Yoo hoo! Come get me!”
Diana’s hypothesis proved correct as the statue that was bearing down on Lotte suddenly changed direction as Akko moved closer. The statue brought its stone sword down heavily, but the blow which would surely have crushed Lotte barely made a dent against Akko’s heavy armour.
“Careful!” Diana shouted back, swapping her bow for a shortsword as she and Amanda surrounded another statue, carefully moving so it could never get a clean swing on both of them.
Sucy was not faring so well. She reached into her pack, hoping for anything that would be of use against the inorganic titans. Her last acid flask greeted her, and was immediately hurled at the enormous statue of the king that was still making its way inexorably across the room.
The king’s statue barely even stopped in its tracks as the acid ate into its stone exterior.
“Shit!” Sucy cursed as the king brought his weapon to bear. The sword gleamed, rust-free despite the centuries as it broke the air towards Sucy.
“Sucy!” Lotte’s hands immediately glowed with brilliant light, the energy flying across the room towards the slumped form of Sucy on the ground. Diana stepped away from her current adversary and launched another powerful arrow at the giant statue, finding its mark as stone and wood exploded out of the king’s chest. Akko’s sword shone through the back of the crumbling statue before her, and she charged across the room, screaming a battle cry as she tried desperately to make it to Sucy’s side in time.
There was no way she’d make it.
Sucy pushed herself off the ground, coughing blood as Lotte’s healing spell washed over her. It had only delayed the inevitable, as the king’s sword came down once more.
“Sybilladura Lelladybura!” Akko yelled, leaping out of her seat with her hand thrown skywards. “I use Paladin’s Retribution!”
The other players looked at her, dumbfounded. “...Meaning?” Amanda asked.
“I can dash the last little bit and take the hit, then I can get some revenge on that big meanie!”
Ursula hid her laugh with her hand, as Akko’s heroic sacrifice played out before them.
As Sucy shut her eyes, preparing for the inevitable, there was a sudden burst of light as Akko blurred with speed, throwing herself into the way of the attack. The blade crunched into her armour with a horrendous tearing noise, but Akko just raised her head, grinning as she brought her sword up. The hole in the king’s armour from Diana’s earlier attack was straight in front of her, his weakpoint completely exposed. It was time to end it!
Akko’s sword lunged for it, but the hit had thrown her aim, and it clipped the edge of the king’s ar-
“Nope!” Akko said, looking up from the 7 on the die. “Arae Aryrha, Blessing of Stars!”
She picked up the dice again, preparing her reroll.
The entire table watched, breathless, craning their necks to see the roll.
15.
Good enough.
With a mighty cry, bloodied and bruised from the attack she’d intercepted, Akko’s sword curved through the air, glowing with the power of the stars as it found its way directly into the exposed gap in the statue king’s armour.
Stone exploded across the room as the king’s ancient form collapsed to the floor, leaving Akko alone in the midst of the rubble, breathing heavily and clutching her sword.
Diana immediately dashed to Sucy’s side, already pulling her medical equipment out of her bag.
“I’m fine, idiots,” Sucy gurgled past the blood in her mouth. She spat it out, “That one has a more serious condition for you to look at anyway. Empty Head Disease.”
There was no malice in it, and the group laughed as Akko basked in her moment. She did it! She’d killed the boss! Yay!
With Sucy patched up, the group cautiously explored the room for signs of the promised treasure vault. If whoever was ahead of them was still here, they weren’t sure if they had the strength left to deal with them.
Before long, Amanda found a false block behind the throne, and with some quick ingenuity by way of Akko wedging her sword into the gap, they were through.
They all breathed a collective sigh of relief when they saw no one in the room beyond.
The room was large, not as large as the grand hall they’d just been in, but still surprisingly spacious for what was meant to be a hidden treasure vault.
The vault had been ransacked. Gold and jewels lay spilled across the floor, a shining silver set of armour had been pulled over, but what drew the most attention was-
“They tried to destroy it,” Diana mused, looking up at the painting that covered the entire face of one of the walls. Chunks of the stone had been smashed, but there was enough left to render it still legible.
It was a map of the realm. It didn’t match up perfectly to any current map, but the shape was unmistakably that of the kingdom. The colours had dulled over the years, but even that couldn’t hide the several large red marks placed on various points of the map.
“We must’ve got here before they could finish the job,” Amanda said. “They probably dashed out while we were dealing with those statues.”
“Where to?” Akko wondered aloud. The room was completely sealed, and they’d come through the only entrance.
“Any number of options, assuming they’re magically capable,” Diana said. “They were prepared, the statues prove it. They could have walked through the walls, or simply teleported. We have no way of knowing, or following.”
Amanda sighed in frustration. “And we were this close, too!”
“Not the end of the world though,” Akko said cheerily. “We found the map they were looking for before they could smash it. Aaaaaaand,” she picked up the gleaming set of armour from the floor, “we still got some loot!”
“Careful Akko,” Diana placed a cautious hand on her shoulder, “it could be cursed.”
“Relax, it’s silver. Silver’s curse-proof, right?” Akko said, already stuffing the armour into a bag of holding.
Diana sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, as Lotte spoke up. “Could I get a bit more light, please?”
She was sat on the floor, a sketchbook out as she attempted to recreate the map on the wall.
“Oh, smart thinking Lotte!” Akko said, raising her sword aloft. “ Noctu Orfei Aude Fraetor!”
Her sword glowed brightly as-
“You did not just use one of the Seven Words of Arcturus to cast a light,” Diana said, aghast.
Akko shrunk down in her chair, “I thought it’d be cool.”
“Cool? You are impossible.”
Ursula smiled gently, “I think we’ll finish there. Did everyone enjoy themselves?”
The table responded enthusiastically, even Sucy managed a “yeah,” and Amanda admitted the evening had been “way more fun than I thought it’d be when Akko here asked me if I wanted to do some nerd shit.”
“Same time next week, then?”
“Absolutely!”