What Is The Root Cause Of Misandry?

Who hates men more, feminists or non-feminists?

Like all prejudice and bigotry, misandry, the open hatred of men, comes from ignorance and misinterpretation of what feminism is all about. More non-feminists fall into misandry, and not all of them are female. This is because feminism, a movement to find common ground and equality, is about empowerment. Misandry, or misogyny, as well as any other racism and sexism, is about finding fault with differences between people. Hating any group can only be reinforced by a sense of victimization. Victimization and empowerment are not always easy opposites. A sexual assault survivor can lean toward misandry, or misogyny. Most do not. We still love others, male and female. An empowered person will lean toward true (not privileged) equality.

Highlighting differences, and finding fault with “all men” or “all women” is too broad a brush with which to paint humanity. Indeed, there are as many definitions of human equality as there are human beings, that is to say, about seven and one half billion.

However, for words to have meaning, the most accepted meaning of feminism seeks equality and fairness, not of outcome, but of opportunity. Both of these goals are the opposite of finding superiority, or domination, or special privilege for one “type” of person. A person, under equality, would still know of the existence of injustice, but they do not choose sides. Rather, a true believer in equality as espoused by the dictionary definition of feminism, seeks to eliminate victimhood, and to uplift all human beings as deserving of human rights. It’s a tall order, but progress is being made.

A misogynist, or a misandrist, does not realize that they are playing into the hands of victimization. There is widespread confusion, because although women who hate men exist, and men who hate women exist, there is almost always something dark and bitter in a hating person’s perspective that colors their entire narrative. The misogynist or misandrist has been deeply wounded by cultural norms, or even more likely, an individual event that attests to her, or his, confirmation bias. Sexual assault can cause this. Abusive parenting can cause this. Other events and experiences that are unjust can cause this.

It can become even more confusing, because many men who adore women, and prefer their company to that of men, do not think of themselves as misandrists. And, indeed, overwhelmingly, they are not haters of men. They have men in their lives, and are men themselves. They simply tend to think that over-all females (partly due to outdated societal pressures) are less violent, more polite, more insightful, more sensitive to their pain, more free with emotions, and more sympathetic to unfair treatment. None of these qualities make a misandrist, although an equality ally is sometimes referred to derogatorily as a “mangina, a pussy,” or a “whiny little bitch.”

Obviously, no one who uses such language to describe a male, or a female, is looking for common ground. They are seeking rather, ammunition, to define their enemy.

They may not know that name-calling wins no converts.

Due to erroneous cultural norms, it is true that men are more prone to depression, especially young men. It is also true that they commit suicide more. Men are constantly held under a patriarchal pressure to earn more, have status, be an alpha, do not cry, be a manly man, and more. Seeking equality and replacing the patriarchy with a more equal opportunity basis is working to change these worn out, destructive pressures. If it doesn’t benefit all persons — indeed, all of humanity — it’s not true feminism. Toxic masculinity, for example should not ever be confused with the supportive, feeling, and courageous masculinity that uplifts humanity.

Misandry, like misogyny, creates obstacles to this kind of progress.

An easy way to test whether what you are seeing is feminism or misandry is to ask whether the person asserting justice for all is driven by love of humanity, or hatred of one side.

In the culture wars and MeToo movement, those who seek to divide men and women, to find only victimization and not equality, do no favors for our world.

Among the many societal norms that drive misandry and misogyny are reinforced clichés, such as “ men are pigs,” or “men think only with the little head,” or “real men are buff and athletic.” There are many other commonly recited phrases, and of course, there are just as many that display misogyny, such as “women are hysterical,” “women lie about assault,” “women want special privilege.” It is easy enough to come up with almost endless such lists on “both sides,” but again, only when we abandon the idea of other “sides” can we move forward.

One thing that is especially corrosive is the idea that gender and sex roles are purely a social construct. Men and women are not the same. Many prominent feminists, have noted this. But, we can (and are!) loved as human beings with our obvious different assets. Indeed, loving our diversity is what saves the planet from our worst habits of the domination model.

A fully formed human being is going to shine with many gifts. He, or she, (or add other genders here) should be celebrated for their differences, not other-rized by those differences. When we recognize oppression and hatred, we should respond with patient love and support. For our sons. For our daughters. That is how the culture wars are won.