sobrang paranoia na ata i2 but tinakpan ko na ng papers bintana ko at nagsaboy ng asin tas tinapalan ng towel mga mirrors. i also sleep with the lights on. tas dasal dasal na lang talaga. it also helps na wfh si mama at night shift siya. gives me comfort :>
im trying to share this because ang mali ko before is tinago ko siya and tried to deal with it alone. i may sound crazy here but I don't care.
well, thankies 4 reading (or not), just needed to let this out without waking other people up.
this happens to me whenever i try serving again sa church. pangatlong beses na 'to. i fear that this time I'll lose my mind for good. but yeah. i kinda know what to do now. but I'll still need support.
so yeah, i just wanted to share kasi i am very scared. terrified. before my school life spiraled down last last year, ganito yung mga signs na nangyari. it's happening again and i'm scared na baka maulit yung noon na malamon na naman ako ng irrational fears and anxiety.
first one happened similarly but the opposite, i woke up in front of my parents' door, galit si mama. turns out, i was screaming and knocking, but i dont remember doing that. i just woke up. how nice.
i forgor what dream, but i was screaming, I don't know why exactly. i forced myself to wake up, and ta da, nagising ako nang nakatayo. sa hagdanan. neat.
now, bakit ko kinekwento 'to? nag level up na ang sleeping adventures ko.
I'm sleep walking now.
actually, second time na nangyari 'to, both experiences happened similarly. i was sleeping on my parents' room while they were downstairs. and i had a dream.
may 2 akong sleep paralysis "demons" na recurring casts sa mga episodes ko. one is just color white, the other is black. white has a big smile on an empty face, while black is just a black figure but with a kid's voice. and yes, kinakausap niya ako. one of them claims to be s*t*n
very diverse nga ng mga mumu sa dreams ko, one time may isang poging lalaki (di ko kilala) na nililibing ako nang buhay, minsan naman may batang nag tatap dance sa gilid. worst of all was when somebody was trying to shove dead **** on my mouth.
before, hindi lang talaga ako makagalaw, it wasn't until grade 10 nung nagumpisa akong makakita ng kung ano ano. it persisted until grade 12 and was on its peak in 2021.
according to my memory, i first had one when i was 2, sa dati naming bahay. ayon rin ata first panaginip ko na naaalala ko pa until now. since that time, regularly na akong nag ssleep paralysis and thought it was normal until mid jhs.
i submitted the 2nd part of my exam before the deadline but yung system mismo may problem. i have solid proofs that i did my work. currently negotiating but the prof seems hesitant. sa 1st part i only had 9 mistakes, kapag hindi niya tinanggap yung paper ko, magagalit talaga ako.
CASTPERS' FRIDAY FAVORITE
Bounded by the effects of state fascism, Batch '81 (1982) centers on the macho-feudal relations within brotherhoods, brutally viewed upon the eyes of a neophyte. This was also a staggering tale considering its release date.
#EndFRV#CASTpersChoice
read a fanfic yesterday where ******* has a ***** where they ******* ****** to be his ***. it's such a stupid sucky fic not worth my tears but i'm still crying until now.
ang bonak ko na talaga sa mga conversation "huhu ala na ko pera mahal ng pamasahe" kahit naglalakad lang nman ako pauwi. mema sabi na lang tlaga sa mga usapan eh.
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