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according to my memory, i first had one when i was 2, sa dati naming bahay. ayon rin ata first panaginip ko na naaalala ko pa until now. since that time, regularly na akong nag ssleep paralysis and thought it was normal until mid jhs.
before, hindi lang talaga ako makagalaw, it wasn't until grade 10 nung nagumpisa akong makakita ng kung ano ano. it persisted until grade 12 and was on its peak in 2021.
very diverse nga ng mga mumu sa dreams ko, one time may isang poging lalaki (di ko kilala) na nililibing ako nang buhay, minsan naman may batang nag tatap dance sa gilid. worst of all was when somebody was trying to shove dead **** on my mouth.
may 2 akong sleep paralysis "demons" na recurring casts sa mga episodes ko. one is just color white, the other is black. white has a big smile on an empty face, while black is just a black figure but with a kid's voice. and yes, kinakausap niya ako. one of them claims to be s*t*n
now, bakit ko kinekwento 'to? nag level up na ang sleeping adventures ko.
I'm sleep walking now.
actually, second time na nangyari 'to, both experiences happened similarly. i was sleeping on my parents' room while they were downstairs. and i had a dream.
i forgor what dream, but i was screaming, I don't know why exactly. i forced myself to wake up, and ta da, nagising ako nang nakatayo. sa hagdanan. neat.
first one happened similarly but the opposite, i woke up in front of my parents' door, galit si mama. turns out, i was screaming and knocking, but i dont remember doing that. i just woke up. how nice.
so yeah, i just wanted to share kasi i am very scared. terrified. before my school life spiraled down last last year, ganito yung mga signs na nangyari. it's happening again and i'm scared na baka maulit yung noon na malamon na naman ako ng irrational fears and anxiety.
this happens to me whenever i try serving again sa church. pangatlong beses na 'to. i fear that this time I'll lose my mind for good. but yeah. i kinda know what to do now. but I'll still need support.
im trying to share this because ang mali ko before is tinago ko siya and tried to deal with it alone. i may sound crazy here but I don't care.
well, thankies 4 reading (or not), just needed to let this out without waking other people up.
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