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Worried about being bugged? Don’t keep your phone in the microwave

While the unusual technique reportedly employed by the MP Steve Baker does work, there are easier ways to ensure your privacy

Tory MP Steve Baker
Under surveillance ... Tory MP Steve Baker. Photograph: Ben Stansall/AFP/Getty Images
Under surveillance ... Tory MP Steve Baker. Photograph: Ben Stansall/AFP/Getty Images

We have all had conversations that made us want to destroy our phones in rage, but that is not why Theresa May’s nemesis, the Brexiter MP Steve Baker, apparently put his in the microwave.

According to reports, Baker – who led the campaign last week to trigger a vote of no confidence in the Tory leader – is paranoid about surveillance and keeps his phone in the microwave overnight to avoid being “bugged”.

To be fair to Baker, he is right – at least about the microwave. The metallic mesh on the door of a typical oven forms a Faraday cage on the outside of the cooker, preventing the energetic microwaves from cooking you as they cook your meal. Put a phone in there and the barrier will work just as well to prevent any signals getting in or out. If you are really concerned, 30 seconds at 800W will definitely prevent any further eavesdropping for good (and may destroy your kitchen, too).

But there are more convenient ways of achieving the same end. For £20, you can buy a “Faraday bag” – a small pouch with the same mesh built in – allowing you to achieve signal blackout while keeping your microwave free for reheating last night’s dinner. Even better for Baker, the bag in question is made in Britain, thus ensuring continued supply in the event of a no-deal Brexit.

For his part, Baker has denied the reports that his phone spends the night ensconced in white goods, describing it as the sort of “childish nonsense … you would come to expect when you become successful”. Apparently, he is more concerned about CCTV cameras, which he reportedly told MPs were being used by “our enemies ... to read our lips”. Two years ago, researchers at Oxford university demonstrated an AI tool that could lip-read with 93% accuracy, “processing silent video into text transcripts in nearly real time”.

The safest course of action for Baker is to stay inside, where he can be reasonably sure there are no cameras controlled by a hostile political faction. It’s not as if he is a fan of freedom of movement anyway.

The year is 2033. Elon Musk is no longer one of the richest people in the world, having haemorrhaged away his fortune trying to make Twitter profitable. Which, alas, hasn’t worked out too well: only 420 people are left on the platform. Everyone else was banned for not laughing at Musk’s increasingly desperate jokes. 

In other news, Pete Davidson is now dating Martha Stewart. Donald Trump is still threatening to run for president. And British tabloids are still churning out 100 articles a day about whether Meghan Markle eating lunch is an outrageous snub to the royal family.

Obviously I have no idea what the world is going to look like in a decade. But here’s one prediction I feel very confident making: without a free and fearless press the future will be bleak. Without independent journalism, democracy is doomed. Without journalists who hold power to account, the future will be entirely shaped by the whims and wants of the 1%.

A lot of the 1% are not big fans of the Guardian, by the way. Donald Trump once praised a Montana congressman who body-slammed a Guardian reporter. Musk, meanwhile, has described the Guardian, as “the most insufferable newspaper on planet Earth.” I’m not sure there is any greater compliment.

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Arwa Mahdawi

Columnist, Guardian US

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