CALM ENVY

Romaji and English translation of the song CALM ENVY from the album STACKED RUBBISH and the compilation album TRACES VOL.2 BALLAD BEST by the GazettE.

This song was re-recorded on TRACES VOL.2 with some minor additions/changes to the lyrics. 

This is the original version of the lyrics, NOT the TRACES VOL.2 version.

Translator's Notes
  • Lyrics originally sung in English are in italics , and words or phrases I felt were implied are in [brackets] in the translation.
  • I also (usually) put repeats of chorus/verses/stanzas in [brackets] if they’re not written that way in the original lyrics for ease of singing along.
  • If he writes a word in the lyrics but doesn’t sing it, I put it in light grey to make it easier to skip when singing along.
  • I usually romajize katakana characters in CAPITALS, and keep punctuation and line spacing as close to the original booklet as possible. If you see me putting spaces before punctuation at the end of a sentence or writing things in mixed-case capitals, that’s because it’s how it was in the booklet.
  • Any comments I had during the romajization/translation process will be included as footnotes so as not to disturb the flow of the song. They’re not required reading, but Ruki does some pretty nifty things with his lyrics/kanji choices, or sometimes there’s further explanations about words or phrases in there.

CALM ENVY: Romaji

Furishikiru ame no ne ni     shizumi sou na
Sono yakusoku wa dare no yume de     dare no tame no yume darou

｢I want to see all of you.｣    ｢I want to love all of you.｣
Douka shiteru ne

Tsunagu te to gyaku no te ni wa     itsumo shiranai kaori ga shiteru
｢I want to see all of you.｣    ｢I want to love all of you.｣
Iki wa chan to dekiteru no ni     kuzure sou ni naru

Kotoba yori mo fukaku     aishtekureru nara
Me no mae ni iru anata dake wo     shinjite ikeru
Fui ni miseta kako ni     fureru tabi ni moroku
Umetsuku senai kuuhaku ni     namida ukabe

Yasuragi ni amae te te mo tonari no     anata ga watashi no naka kara     togire sou ni naru

｢I want to see all of you.｣    ｢I want to love all of you.｣
Kotae wa emi ni obore
｢You don’t love, the everyday shadow when it was lost.｣
Kakikesenai hodo kakaeteru

Anata ni nageta kotoba mo     aishite kureru nara
Me no mae ni iru anata dake wo     shinjite ikeru
Fui ni miseta kako ni     fureru tabi ni itamu
Watashi no inai kuuhaku made      aishitai
Kidzukarenai you ni     namida wa nuguu kara
Kore ijou watashi no mae de     warawanai de

“Sayonara” wo kakusu futari ja naku
“Sayonara” ni naku futari de itai
Omoi kaesu yori wasurete hoshii
Soshite watashi wo kuuhaku ni oite
Mou sugita hibi wo ottarishinai de

Mou kore ijou oite ikanai de
“Semete…”
Sayonara wo nigiri nemuru watashi no
Honokana netsu wo tabako no you ni keshite [keshite]

Kaeranai hibi wo     aishita hito yo

CALM ENVY: Translation

All sound seems to disappear     beneath the pouring rain
Sometimes I wonder if you really wanted to make that promise,      or if you just did it for my sake1

“I want to see all of you.”     “I want to love all of you.”
So what should I do?

Even when I’m holding one of your hands, it seems like your free hand      always clutches onto a lingering fragrance I can’t place2
“I want to see all of you.”     “I want to love all of you.”
Even though I can breathe just fine     I’m still falling apart inside

If you could love me as much     as you say you do
Then I’d be able to believe in     the ‘you’ that’s right in front of me
But whenever that past of yours unexpectedly crops up,     I feel so powerless
And tears stream down my face     when [I realize] I’ll never be able to fill that void [in you]

Even though you’re beside me,     showering me with kindness     you still seem to be so distant

“I want to see all of you.”     “I want to love all of you.”
Your answer is a smile I could lose myself in
“You don’t love, the everyday shadow when it was lost.”3
You’ve held onto her1 [memory] for so long, she will probably never fade away

If you could give me the love     from those words you’ve tossed about
Then I’d be able to believe in     the ‘you’ that’s right in front of me
But whenever that past of yours unexpectedly crops up,     I feel so powerless
I want to fill that void inside you     with my love5
I’ll wipe away my tears     so you won’t notice them
But you never seem to smile     around me anymore

I don’t want us to try to hide our “farewell”
Instead, I want us both to cry over it when we say “goodbye”6
But I would rather you stopped looking back and just forget [your past]
And let me fill that empty space
I don’t [want you to] chase after those bygone days anymore

I don’t [want you to] keep shutting me out
“At least…”7
[But all I can do] is fall asleep, still holding onto this “goodbye”
As that spark is finally extinguished like a cigarette [it’s extinguished]

You loved those days     you couldn’t return to [too much]

  1. I was a little loose with this. The actual line translates more literally as something like “I wonder [about] that promise and whose dream it was, for whose sake was.” I translated it so it flowed better in English. Also, just for reference, 約束 yakusoku is a more on the serious side as promises go and means “promise, pact, engagement,” like, “I promise to love you forever,” as opposed to something made flippantly on the spur of the moment for something small – like “Oh yeah, I promise we’ll get together for lunch real soon!”
  2. So this song is about a couple in a relationship that is starting to go south. It’s sung from the perspective of the current girlfriend. The guy can’t seem to let go of his past (in this original version of the song, we’re led to assume it was probably a past love – but it’s never said explicitly, beyond “past” – but like in this line it sounds like he’s holding his current girlfriend’s hand, but the other is like, still holding onto memory of that past lost love, so he’s unable to give her everything of himself because part of him is stuck in the past). This is also implied later in the song with the lines about his past coming up unexpectedly (he brings up his lost love on occasion – or is reminded of her – which is uncomfortable for the current girlfriend), the singer being unable to fill the void left in him, etc.
  3. So I know it’s Engrish and we have to sort of guess at what he’s saying, but it seems like it might be something along the lines of “You’re not able to love me, because every day all you can do is love the shadow of the one you lost.”
  4. In this original version of the song, it never actually says his past is a “her,” or even a “past love” – but that’s kind of the feeling I get from the song. If you wanted to stay away from the past being a “her,” this could be simply, “You’ve held onto the past for so long, the memories will probably never fade away.” (In the TRACES VOL.2 version of the song, he more explicitly explains that it is, in fact, someone from his past who died that is the cause of his emptiness.)
  5. So いない inai is written in hiragana; since he didn’t use kanji to write it, this could theoretically be read 以内 inai as a noun/noun suffix meaning “within/inside of,” or 居ない inai as a verb meaning “to (not) be/exist.” I chose to translate it the way I did to make obvious use of 空白 kuuhaku “void, blank space” since it was referenced before as the void within him caused by his lost love; but this sentence could also be something like, “I want to love you until I no longer exist.”
  6. I kind of think this is like, “Look, I don’t necessarily want to say goodbye, but if we can’t fix this, let’s not just pretend it’s all OK, I’d rather be honest about it and go our separate ways.”
  7. Again, he uses hiragana for this, so せめて could be read/interpreted differently: せめて semete as an adverb meaning “at least” or “at most,” or even 責めて semete as a verb meaning “to place blame” – so it could also be “It’s all your/her fault…” or similar.

STACKED RUBBISH album cover art © 2007 King Records / JPU Records

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