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SMV calculator [humor - do not take it seriously!]

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Sep 26th, 2022
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  1. var SMV_data = {};
  2.     SMV_data.debug_mode = true;
  3.     SMV_data.yesno_string = "\n[OK]: Yes    [Cancel]: No";
  4.  
  5. function SMVcalc_dialog() {
  6.     if (confirm("This test only works for men. Are you a male?"+SMV_data.yesno_string) ) {
  7.         SMV_data.gender=true;
  8.     } else { SMV_data.gender=false; return false; }
  9.  
  10.     SMV_data.height = prompt("Enter your height in centimetres:");
  11.     SMV_data.income = prompt("Enter your monthly income:");
  12.     SMV_data.muscles = confirm("Are you muscular?"+SMV_data.yesno_string);
  13.     SMV_data.norwood = prompt("How bald are you on the norwood scale?");
  14.     SMV_data.jawbone = prompt("What is the length of your jaw bone edge in centimetres?");
  15.     SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck = {};
  16.     SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.cm = prompt("Erect pen[language filter]is length in centimetres?");
  17.     SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.girth = prompt("Erect pen[language filter]is girth in centimetres?");
  18.     SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.circumcised = confirm("Are you circumcised?"+SMV_data.yesno_string);
  19.     SMV_data.emotional = prompt("What are your emotions?");
  20. }
  21.  
  22. function SMVcalc(height, income, muscles, norwood, jawbone, di_language_filter_ck_cm, di_language_filter_ck_girth, di_language_filter_ck_circ, emotional) {
  23.     SMV_data.masculinity = 0;
  24.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" initial");
  25.     SMV_data.masculinity+=( (height-150)/5 );
  26.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after height "+height);
  27.     SMV_data.masculinity*=(Math.pow(income),1/3); // cubic root because money can not compensate for everything. See how DiCaprio mogged Bezos.
  28.         // using Math.pow instead of ** because the latter was only introduced in the same year this picture was taken: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:2016-06-28_282_Bianca_%E2%80%9EBibi%E2%80%9C_Heinicke_von_%E2%80%9EBibisBeautyPalace%E2%80%9C.jpg  and in the same year this music was made: https://soundcloud.com/joeelee/a-brand-new-sunset-modern .
  29.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after income "+income);
  30.     if (!muscles) SMV_data.masculinity*=0.5;
  31.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after muscles "+muscles);
  32.     if (emotional != "") SMV_data.masculinity*=0.5;
  33.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after emotional "+emotional);
  34.     SMV_data.masculinity-=(norwood/(jawbone+(muscles*5) ) );
  35.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after norwood "+norwood+", jawbone "+jawbone);
  36.     SMV_data.masculinity*=(Math.pow((di_language_filter_ck_cm*di_language_filter_ck_girth),1/3) );
  37.         if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after di_language_filter_ck "+di_language_filter_ck_cm+" "+di_language_filter_ck_girth);
  38.  
  39.  
  40.     if (SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.circumcised) {
  41.         SMV_data.masculinity=Math.floor(Math.random())*100;
  42.     }
  43.     if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" after circ " + di_language_filter_ck_circ);
  44.     if (SMV_data.masculinity > 9.5) SMV_data.masculinity=10-(1/Math.pow(SMV_data.masculinity,3) );
  45.     if (SMV_data.debug_mode) console.debug("SMV: "+SMV_data.masculinity+" final result");
  46.     SMV_data.masculinity_display_value = Math.floor(SMV_data.masculinity*10)/10;
  47.  
  48.     if (isNaN(SMV_data.masculinity)) {
  49.         alert("Invalid input. Please try again.");
  50.         return false;
  51.     } else {
  52.         alert("Your se[language filter]xual marketplace value is: "+SMV_data.masculinity_display_value);
  53.         return SMV_data.masculinity;
  54.     }
  55. }
  56.  
  57. SMVcalc_dialog();
  58. if (SMV_data.gender) {
  59.     SMVcalc(SMV_data.height, SMV_data.income, SMV_data.muscles, SMV_data.norwood, SMV_data.jawbone, SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.cm, SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.girth, SMV_data.di_language_filter_ck.circumcised, SMV_data.emotional);
  60. }
  61.  
Tags: SMV celibacy
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