Elton John bets on her impact. “Look at Kesha, [Lady] Gaga – they’ve all spoken out about this abuse of power. The more people that write about it, the better. It’s been swept under the carpet since music began. Billie is the torch for this new generation of people who say, ‘I’m not putting up with this anymore.’” There will be people invested in the status quo who hear “Your Power” as a chiding from an ungrateful girl who should shut up and enjoy being famous. But Eilish, flush with the revelations of growth, is a reminder of the pleasure and privilege of deciding what kind of person you want to be. By taking a definitive statement on her ethos, she’s hoping to neuter the hold anything can have over her. “It’s about taking that power back, showing it off and not taking advantage with it,” she says with a matter-of-fact pout. “I’m not letting myself be owned anymore.”
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In domestic terms, Eilish is her own woman. All she had ever wanted was to turn 18 – then she spent most of her first year of adulthood in pandemic-induced limbo. Her independence is taking shape (though she’s only got petrol alone twice). Her parents, constant companions in her career, will step back a bit. She calls her team her best friends. “I think we are all aware of me being like [she switches to a sober, reassuring voice], ‘OK, I’m a grown-up and I can do things on my own.’”
Eilish sees the process as almost transcendent, even if it’s hard when fans cling to how they first loved you. “People always say, ‘How would your younger self feel about you now?’ And that’s a good thing to think about in some cases, but I also think you shouldn’t try to be a person that your old self would like, and you shouldn’t try to be a person that your future self is going to be. You should be exactly who you feel like you are and want to be in that moment, otherwise you’re going to go insane.”
Eilish, in this moment, is an early riser, after years of sleeping past lunch: “It makes the day so much longer.” Her love of retina-scalding neons yielded to soft pinks, sage greens and earth tones. Her body, once a boneyard of persistent injury, has healed after a year of rest, though she knocks on wood three times as she recounts her extensive rehab efforts. Post-pandemic, she’s never turning down social invitations again, although she’s dreading seeing the friends who flaunted their lockdown-breaking on Instagram. “We’ll see if I still hate all these people when I can see them again!”
She’s establishing boundaries. The only question that Eilish shrugs off is whether she has a horse. (As a child, she worked weekends at a stable to earn the lessons her family couldn’t afford.) “Maybe, maybe not, who knows?” she says with cartoon bluster. “That’s a whole part of my life that I’m not interested in anybody having any info on.” She wishes she could tell fans everything but she’s reached the limitations of the expectation of transparency placed on the mega-famous. “It’s too much for them and it’s too much for me and it’s not healthy.” But she’s pretty good, happiness-wise, a state of mind grounded by the knowledge that neither darkness nor joy is a fixed state. “Everything comes in waves,” she says.
She thinks back on a darker time in her life. Unable to sleep, she would turn on a meditation app and listen to a pragmatic Australian guy reassuring nervous insomniacs that, with time, everything fades. It made her feel like a weight was lifted and still does. “Even permanent things can be undone,” says Eilish, bright with optimism.
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The June 2021 issue of British Vogue is on newsstands on 7 May.