40+ Photos Of Kate Middleton The Palace Doesn’t Want You To See

Kate Middleton is no more: she’s Princess Catherine to you now, pleb. This radiant young woman has ditched her pauper’s name and has become a Windsor, she demands the decorum befitting a living deity. But hang on, what the bloody hell’s this?

Princess, why hast thou forsaken us? Was our undying loyalty not enough?

Oh…goodness. Public intoxication? Hardly appropriate behaviour for someone who will one day soon be on money.

Of course it doesn’t end there, how could it? Here are 42 more photos of the real Peoples’ Princess that we wish the Palace had never allowed to enter the public sphere.

Did HRH Liz 2 ever get drunk in her younger days? Nobody knows. Probably yes. If so, the pictures have all been destroyed.

Princess Catherine’s drunk pics, however, happened at a time when the internet was a thing, meaning they can never be erased.

We’re all just going to have to face up to the fact that Catherine had a life before the Prince, hard to swallow though that is.

Here, unfortunately, we see Her Majesty in the student days, out on the town and drunk as an emperor.

Still, it is at least heartening to see that even your average souse can one day become Queen.

Look, she’s just like the rest of us, yelling at a cab driver to stop by the cash point first on the way to Spoon’s.

We all made fools of ourselves at uni. We certainly weren’t just there to rack up a lifetime of debt.

Not many of us, however, are likely to grow up to be monarchs. This has been different for Princess Kate Middleton.

Here, Kate celebrates being at St Andrews Uni by dressing as a baby and getting assaulted by shaving foam.

This is a tradition at St Andrews, apparently, one that Catherine was happy to partake in back when she was younger and more reckless.

Obviously, Kate was unaware during her time at St Andrews that she would one day be married into royalty. That doesn’t matter.

Will the public be able to forgive the future Queen when they see she’d allowed herself to be degraded in this way? Most likely not.

Whatever has happened here, we can say with some authority that it would never have been allowed in Henry VIII’s day.

Is this a crime? Is this treason? Subjects should not be getting off with the Princess. Only in Disney films is that allowed to happen.

Crikey, and who’s this now?? Get your hands away from our leader, you grotesque!

Look at him, with his arms gripped around her like a human vice, his eyes crazy with lust.

Who are these men? We need their names, so that they might answer for what they have done.

Stand down sir, stand down! Remove yourself from that ethereal beauty, you are not worthy of such!

Oh Kate, what have you done now? Nobody goes roller skating anymore – do you want us to think you’re off-trend? Because we will if that’s what it takes for you to learn.

These photographs were taken at a charity event held by Holly Branson, daughter of Sir Richard.

We honestly hope he gets stripped of his knighthood for allowing his progeny to put Catherine in this position.

Look. Look at the unmistakable horror in her eyes. Kate didn’t want to be put on wheels, Holly Branson.

Lady Di arguably never placed herself in such danger as this, and she worked with landmines.

Oh God she’s down. Heaven bless you, ma’am, your resilience in the face of adversity is an inspiration to us all.

Get a hold of yourself Catherine, for goodness’ sake! The people simply will not stand for this.

It’s a windy day, was there no time to pick out a longer dress? Or even just send a butler out to buy one fresh?

You can afford as many longer dresses as you want, Catherine, this is what we pay you all for.

Oh Christ, not in front of the child. Catherine, please. No wonder your husband can’t look.

Are those slumped shoulders on William a signal of shame? Possibly. He’s too young to have developed a hump.

This isn’t right. Those brave soldiers who stormed the beach on D-Day didn’t die for this.

And another one, for all you perverts out there.

Let’s pause for a second to note that the man walking with William and Kate is carrying two cowboy hats.

Two. A person only needs one. Wearing both isn’t going to offer him double the coverage, it’s not factor 50.

Anyway, here we see that Catherine apparently hasn’t learned her lesson, despite years of facing down the wind in short dresses to no avail.

Of course, the royal paps are always lying in wait, hiding in a bush somewhere with their cameras, just waiting for a gust of wind.

Check out those dutiful soldiers – trained for anything – doing their level best to cast their eyes anywhere other than Kate’s billowing skirt. Bless you boys.

Oop! Kate Middleton and a strong-buttocked gentleman, in the same picture? Queen Elizabeth will have a stroke.

Kate has been on many foreign visits – this is her duty as our ruler – not all of which have ended with her conversing with heavily tattooed, semi-naked beefcakes.

We’re just going to have to get used to the fact that some foreign visits, however, will involve that.

It seems wrong that Kate would be OK with her umbrella bearer sheltering just her from the rain while this guy gets absolutely soaked.

This incident occurred while Kate and William were on a tour of New Zealand, which is no longer a British colony, despite the British flag taking up a third of theirs.

This traditional Maori greeting is called the hongi, but in English we just call it cultural appropriation. Woke up, Catherine!

Sometimes the royals need a holiday from flying around the world to exotic locales, but this isn’t what anybody had in mind.

“Never apologise, never explain”, said the Queen Mother, famously. Had she seen this picture, however, you can imagine she’d have spat her tea halfway across Buckingham Palace then retracted that statement permanently.

She would then have proceeded to disown Kate and her grandson for ever even allowing this to happen, probably.

And was it her who put you up to this, Catherine? Ditch her, she already upstaged you at the wedding.

The scene-stealing traitor on the left is none other than Kate’s sister Pippa, with whom Kate and Will holidayed in Ibiza in 2011.

Apparently also present, bottom left, was Kevin Keegan, who had time-travelled in from 1979 to be there. And at least he had enough dignity to keep his clothes on.

Yes, it’s always nice to see young people unabashedly enjoying life, especially at a time as fraught with peril as this one. Not royalty, though, they must be an exception.

Nobody wants to see their future Queen gooning like she’s just got her second wind at the end of an all-night bender. Delete this, internet.

We’re sorry to say that isn’t the end of it. As it turns out, Middleton’s busted it out on all-nighters more than a few times.

What does Kate want here? Does she think she’s been charged too much for the scant distance she’s travelled? We’ve all been there.

But the royals are supposed to remain poker-faced at all times. Have you ever looked at the Queen’s face? Cold and placid like winter.

What could that child possibly have said to have warranted such a harsh facial contortion from Kate? Whatever it was, she was probably well within her right to do it, and worse.

Oh, here we go. Not even Princess Margaret would have behaved like this, and she was a notorious saucepot.

Playboy bunny ears? Why Katherine, why must you betray our trust?

Yes she was single and enjoying uni life and hadn’t actually met William yet, but that’s not an excuse. This is the sanctity of the crown we’re talking about.

Here we have exhibit B. It’s not right that this photo was taken, nor is it even right that we’ve featured it here.

If you happen to like it, however, then that’s your fault. We’re not to blame for showing you what you secretly always wanted.

In the 1800s, this much leg would have gotten a woman tried as a witch. In modern society, however, this is no longer considered proper practice.

Think those saucy pics above were the pinnacle? Wrong. Dead wrong. That was just the tip of the iceberg.

They say this is the moment William first took a shine to Kate, which we can only assume is because he has a secret love for fashion.

Or is it a love for scantily clad women that William so secretly harbours? We’ll never truly know.

Is this how you mean to rule, Catherine? Queen Elizabeth 2 never wore a bra and knickers down a catwalk, and we certainly don’t expect her to now.

Kate wore this in 2002 for a St Andrews charity fashion show. Below we have the culprit behind the dress, Charlotte Todd, here seen auctioning the infernal thing off for charity in 2011.

But not today, Satan. We don’t care what cause this auction was for, Princess Catherine should never have been exposed like this.

Kate Middleton plays sport. That much is undeniable. She will play whether you like it or not.

During the royal tour of Australia and New Zealand, Kate played cricket before some of the biggest cricket fans on Earth.

She also, on a 2016 trip to India, got herself involved in a good old footy kickabout.

Kate also had a good go at hockey in the run-up to the 2012 Olympics, playing alongside the GB team.

Let it not be said that Kate Middleton doesn’t get stuck in; she tries, which is more than can be said for most.

Also true is that Kate Middleton plays sport with all the grace that Theresa May brings to dancing.

Et tu, Prince William? Must you, like your wife, also be susceptible to that troublesome nectar alcohol?

Here we see William enjoying a touch of the bubbly with professional ball handler Jonny Wilkinson.

At least that’s a classier drink than Will used to enjoy back in his uni days.

Come off it Will mate, no one drank that many VK Ices even when they were popular.

You’d expect this sort of drunken behaviour from his rogue brother, but not from Will, not he who shall be ruler.

Still, unlike with Kate, at least we haven’t had to endure any photos of William getting cosy with other members of the opposite sex. Thank God.

Avert your eyes, Princess, your Prince Charming is not what he seems!

Shame! Shame! Shame! Let go that young woman’s bosom, your majesty, that’s not for a game!

As it turns out, Catherine’s husband himself has been no angel, occasionally groping his subjects with his bright pink mitts as we can see here.

Who the HELL is this, William?? If she made you so happy, why didn’t you just marry her instead?

That William was still young and fancy free around the time these photos were taken is not an excuse, this man has a kingdom to run.

Deceit! Catherine was supposed to be The One, William, you senseless disappointment.