(cache)Spooky Stories

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Part VII - January 19, 2016

The week of January 18 was one of my worst at DREAM COMPANY. Afterward, I was seriously discussing my resignation with family and friends if I couldn't transfer to another job; and my friend's mom, who worked in HR for over 40 years, strongly encouraged me to leave, citing her observed incompetent handling of every issue she knew about. I desperately wanted to make things work. This was DREAM COMPANY, after all. My entire life, I fought to get there, and this guy was going to torpedo everything I worked toward?

Another problem is, when you seek out other opportunities within a company, people talk. People knew that Greg and I didn't get along. What I hoped, was that prospective hiring teams saw how much love I had for the people and the games (and still do). I adored (most) the people I worked with; I proved time and time again that I was a valuable resource on many projects; I collaborated well with people, building trust and good relationships across many in the organization. Greg Everage did none of that: he didn't like the people, he didn't like the games, he had zero trust, very few good relationships. Regardless, the situation was lose-lose for me. He was my boss. And as much as I tried to break through, his shadow was all-pervasive.

Tuesday, January 19

Our team had a regular weekly meeting at 10:30 a.m. on Mondays. On this day, Greg emailed the team earlier in the morning saying he was coming in late, and he greeted me in person around 10:15. He didn’t mention anything about rescheduling the meeting. At 10:30, I dialed into the call with the remote team, and after a few minutes, we noticed Greg hadn't called in. I ran over to his office--not there. I ran over to the break room--not there either. I ran back to my desk and we, as a team, resolved to continue the meeting in lieu of waiting. They had a lot on their plate and preferred not to reschedule. I said I would recap Greg whenever he resurfaced.

We ended the call around 10:45. Greg came by five minutes later. He asked when our team meeting was, and I told him it was at 10:30, our usual time, and we didn't know where he was. I said I could recap him.

Greg told me I handled that all wrong. He was angry that I didn’t do everything in my power to make sure he was there for the meeting.
I told him I went to find him in his office and the break room and he wasn't at either location.
He asked where else I looked. I responded that there wasn't anywhere else besides the bathroom. And he said I SHOULD have checked in there. Greg raised his voice to the point in which I was shocked, uncomfortable, and embarrassed.
I was at my cube, and I noticed the co-workers near me went silent as he spoke. He told me I was personally responsible for him missing that meeting.
I tried to defend myself, but as usual, he told me to stop being defensive and do my job.

I was visibly upset after that conversation: Cindy asked me if I was OK over Skype, saying how it made her sick to hear that interaction. Colleen, a colleague that sat on the opposite side of the aisle, reached out over Skype, noting she found it unacceptable the way Greg spoke and continued to interact with me.

Colleen told her manager, saying that Greg was talking to me (and others) in hostile and intimidating ways. I will always be thankful for Colleen. She was the first person who truly made an effort to help with Greg's bullying beyond lip service. She acted, and I'll be forever grateful.

What I told HR about this incident: Unfortunately the pattern of disrespect has not improved over the past couple months with Greg. There was an incident on Tuesday I want to bring to your attention that made me feel intimidated. It made it difficult for me to concentrate on work, but luckily I had the opportunity to demo at a media event later that day and remove myself from the environment. This is not the first time this happened. Greg expects me to function as his personal assistant and berates me if I don’t comply. There have been other incidents since we last chatted, and I can review further. I truly need to work with you and HR to find a solution to this ongoing problem.

Next up: Later that week...

Part VI - Health and Confidentiality

Greg Everage blurred the line between appropriate and inappropriate things for a manager to say at work. Some of the more egregious examples regarded my health and doctor appointments.

Managers received annual training on how to handle this topic; and year after year, he proved his inability to adhere to common sense guidelines regarding health privacy, and DREAM COMPANY's HR proved their inability to properly address his behavior and protect me.

Incident #1: For an injury I sustained earlier in 2014, I arranged around 10 physical therapy appointments, and I informed Greg about them well in advance. I did my best to schedule them early in the morning or at the end of the day, although I had to schedule one appointment for 2 in the afternoon. I left at about 1:45, telling Greg I would be online after my appointment.

At the appointment, I sat around the waiting room for about 30 minutes until the receptionist summoned me, saying that my therapist went home ill. She mentioned if I waited for another therapist, I could be seen shortly. I figured I should stay since I was already there. There were no meetings or urgent projects due that day, anyway. I messaged Greg saying my appointment was going longer than expected.

Soon, I received a frantic series of texts from Cindy. Greg called her to inquire about details of my appointment and how much longer my appointment would be. At that time, I was driving on my way back to the office, so I didn't answer the texts until I was parked.

First, I don’t know why he wouldn’t contact me. Second, I get that the appointment took longer than usual, but he was inquiring about my whereabouts not out of concern that it was taking so long, but because he wanted to know a pay order number RIGHT THEN. Third, I talked to him afterward, and he agreed that I was giving him adequate information about my appointments. I requested he contact me and not involve other co-workers when I'm at the doctor.

Incident #2: Not much to say here besides him making light of my physical handicap and therapy needs.

Incident #3: I was on a phone call with our whole team and Greg. One of the team members mentioned his eyes were tired from looking at a computer screen all day. I jokingly suggested (hey, you should do this) he take time to look out a window or close his eyes to meditate throughout the day.

Greg said, “Oh yeah, like all the time you take off for your neck.” I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant, so I asked him to elaborate. He said, "You know, you take a lot of time off for your neck issues."

One problem is, I hadn’t told those colleagues about my "neck issues," and it was up to me whether or not I told them. I walked into Greg’s office after the call, asking that he not discuss my health details to folks at work. I had shared with him in confidence some details of my injury, partially in hope of instilling trust between us. I still remember his reaction: “I’m SO, so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to make fun of you. Of course, I will never do that again. Again, I'm sooo sorry.”

I later let DREAM COMPANY HR know about the above incidents. I figured they should know a member of management was infringing on their employee's right to health privacy and would give him the training he needed.

Incident #4: Two weeks in advance, I let Greg know that I had an appointment on February 2 and would email closer to the date--as was our team doctor appointment protocol. Cindy and I also had to book time on his calendar whenever we'd be out of office.

I reminded him the Friday before via email, and he responded saying he wanted to chat about the appointment. Because of previous breaches in trust, I was concerned about my privacy regarding the appointment. I asked him to elaborate on what we needed to discuss, and beyond saying that sick time needed to be approved beforehand, he would not. (Mind you, I told him two weeks prior and had booked my time off on his calendar without issue.)

I went in his office, and he requested that I move my appointment since Cindy would also be out that day. He was concerned about having to back up both of us. I reiterated that this was a planned procedure, booked far in advance, was already approved, and very necessary. He said it was OK, but we would need to ensure we didn't have simultaneous days off in the future. What this came down to was him not having either of his two assistants in the office.

Incident #5: My doctor ordered around eight more physical therapy appointments in late 2015. I alerted our leave specialist to gain approval via FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). These we hourlong appointments, twice a week. I booked them at the least disruptive times and always ensured I didn't fall behind on my work.

I let Greg know I had more appointments coming up and would share the dates and times. He said OK and then asked what I was doing at my appointments. I told him I didn’t want to talk about the nature of my appointments and apologized for needing to take more time off. He then asked if I wouldn't tell him because I was having “lady issues.” I reiterated that I was not comfortable discussing, and it wasn't appropriate for him to ask.

At this point in the timeline (we're in early 2016), I had been in contact with HR over 10 times regarding Greg's treatment of me and others. I was losing my patience.

Here’s what I sent to HR after he insinuated I was having lady issues:

Here’s where I stand: As of now, Greg continues to breach my right to health privacy and discriminate against women. His behavior has not ultimately changed.

Greg told me that "people are getting sick of my frequent HR trips." I don’t know who these people are—but I agree based on the nature of the trips. I never asked for this continued treatment, but I’d be doing myself, any future individuals working with him, and the company a disservice by not reporting these serious issues.

I appreciate the action you’ve taken thus far. With that said, this is one of many similar incidents that isn’t getting resolved. Is the company going to protect me from this ongoing pattern of conflict? Will the company act on his behavior where he repeatedly breaches my personal health privacy?

DREAM COMPANY'S HR response was constant verbal assurances that it wouldn’t happen again. I conveyed to them I wasn't satisfied. I had brought these instances to their attention multiple times over the past couple years with little to no recourse. His behavior was not impacted by the coaching and counseling they told me he had, and I continued to be subjected to his defamatory, demeaning, and offensive interactions. I requested to be transferred from Greg as my manager. HR said that wasn’t an option. All I continued to hear on repeat was: "this won't happen again."

Next up: January 18

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Part V - 2015 Bits and Pieces

After my initial visit with DREAM COMPANY HR, and the subsequent few visits to ensure things were clearer about my job and his behavior. Things went well...for a time. Soon, Greg Everage's behavior reverted back to his normal, with me generally in the crosshairs--or adjacent to--his hostility.

Assorted Inappropriate Comments

I realized quickly that Greg wasn't only a bad manager but a bad person to boot. When we were out to dinner after a late workday, I mentioned to Greg and two other colleagues that another colleague, Christy, and I were attending weekly Soul Cycle classes. Greg noted that was a good thing, saying that Christy needed to work out more and lamented how she used to be cute, but she had gained too much weight. Greg continued saying another female co-worker’s weight and appearance had gone downhill in the past year. I looked to the other two colleagues and muttered "wow." How does a senior manager at DREAM COMPANY think it’s OK to talk about young female employees like this?

On Cindy's eventual last day, Greg, Cindy, and I were chatting about how well Greg was getting along with his new boss, Colin. He said how much better Colin was than Teresa, and that she was too emotional to handle the job. He was happy to work for a man again, he told his two female employees without pause.

This is just weird: Greg brought in pots and pans his blogger wife got for free from cooking events to sell to co-workers. I ignored the sales attempts, knowing he got them for free and was trying to turn a profit on his co-workers. After a few weeks, and fewer pots sold, Cindy and I were in his office talking about work. He pointed out the pots hogging space under his desk, “Do you guys want them? You can have them. I need to get rid of them.” Cindy and I both agreed that we would take them if he’s going to give them to us. He seemed glad and then said, “So, how much will you pay for each?” …What? How do you position giving your employees the free mommy-blogger pots no one will buy, and then ask them for money? (I refused.)

You Should Read My Mind (And My Inbox)

On multiple occasions, Greg berated me for not immediately knowing things like a photographer’s day rate or where a shipment was. And if he couldn't remember something, I was responsible for knowing.

While I always attempted to find out the information, there were several instances where the information he was asking was not given to me nor was I on the communications. If I tried to explain that I was not privy to the information, he would tell me to stop being defensive and do my job. Here are a couple (of so many) examples:

1: Greg came by asking what was going on with the wardrobe from a shoot. I hadn’t heard anything at that point from the production company, so I let him know I wasn’t sure, but I would contact them for the status. He insisted that I was the one handling wardrobe and should already know what was going on. Confused, I told him I would search for an update.

I searched all my emails, deleted and otherwise, and came up with nothing. I went over to his office, telling him if there was an email, I couldn’t find anything. He told me I was dropping the ball on my basic job duties again, and that I'd have to find out what happened. I continued to search through my emails, confused and concerned.

Later, he walked by my desk saying that he found out what happened with the wardrobe. He forwarded me the email with the wardrobe communication and--surprise!--I wasn’t on it. Three weeks prior, Greg and another employee were on the email thread with the production group, not me. And Greg responded to them with what to do. I asked him why he was sending to me if it was already taken care of, and--more importantly--why he didn't redirect them to me in the first place if I was responsible? He said to prove that “the conversation happened” and I should have been included.

A common occurrence: Greg would presume we were on the same page, and would turn hostile when I didn't--and COULDN'T--have answers he wanted.

#2: Greg called me into his office after a video shoot he attended, one of the many that I did not attend. He asked how much the on-site photographer’s hourly rate was. I told him I wasn’t sure of the exact amount off the top of my head, and if I grabbed my laptop, I could get it. He told me I couldn't leave as it needed to be resolved "right now," and that we’d figure it out together.

I sat and watched as he looked through his inbox for the email. He asked me if the photographer's rate was $75 per hour, how much a full day with overtime would be. I said I needed exact hours, applicable overtime rate, and a calculator to give him the correct amount. Greg said, “Oh, come on. The math isn’t that hard. I hired you because you’re smart, right? Are you telling me you can't do simple math?”

Stunned, I excused myself and said I would go grab a calculator so I could answer his question (so I could get out of there). He told me to stay, but like an out-of-body force pulling me away, I continued to walk out.

About five minutes later, he sent me an email--that I was NOT on--with the photographer’s rates and how much the full day was, saying: "If I am asking you to be responsible for these then you do need to be cced on all of the correspondence and that will take place moving forward. The best approach is when we discuss this that you are all in. Not to be defensive because once someone becomes defensive then they are blind to what is needed. Cool?"

At that point, this was the norm. Nearly daily he would ask me for things I didn’t and couldn’t have answers for. Answers that HE had. He would condescend me, I would defend myself, and then he would tell me not to get frustrated. I semi-diplomatically responded to his message above: "Greg, I would ask to be looped into these conversations when they occur so I’m better aware of what’s going on and can anticipate your expectations. Thanks!"

This was what working with Greg Everage was like, every minute and every hour of every workday, and he never owned up to his mistakes. I don't know how to put into words how frustrating and confusing this was. I was slowly losing my sanity.

Next up: Health and Confidentiality.