This about sums it up.....

[dfree383]

Basic History 101.....................


For those who don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and making art. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, auctioneers, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.


And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer!!!

[In-Tech]

[SchmidtMotorWorks]

Yes that is exactly right.

[1989TransAm]

"A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off."

Yes, and to simply laugh bwahahahahahahahaha, snort, snort, hehehehehehehe, snicker, snicker, hahahahahahahahahaha.

[pdq67]

Have a good read........................

The Fable of the Ducks and the Hens
by Lincoln Rockwell

Many, many years ago When animals could speak, A wondrous thing the ducks befell; Their tale is quite unique.

Down by a pond dwelt all these ducks Ten thousand at the least. Their duckish joys were undisturbed By any man or beast.

One day down near the entrance gate There was an awful din A hundred hens all out of breath Were begging to come in.

"Oh let us in" these poor birds cried "Before we do expire! 'Tis only by the merest inch That we escaped the fire!"

Their feathers burned, their combs adroop They were the saddest sight. They'd run a hundred miles or more, All day and then all night.

"Come in! Come in!" the ducks all quacked, "For you our hearts do bleed! We'll share our happy lot with you; Just tell us what you need!"

And so these poor bedraggled hens Amongst the ducks moved in. "For after all," the ducks declared, "We're sisters 'neath the skin."

Before too many months had lapsed, The hens were good as new. They sent for all their rooster friends,
those were welcomed too.

To please their hosts, these chickens tried To waddle and to quack. To imitate the duckish ways, They quickly learned the knack.

This pleased the flock of ducks because It gratified their pride. But hear my tale and learn how they
taken for a ride.

The ducks, it seemed, spent all their time In fixing up the place, In growing food and building homes And cleaning every space.


They asked the hens what they would do To earn their daily bread. "We'll teach and write and entertain And buy and sell," they said.

And so these hens began to teach The baby ducks and chicks. They traded food and eggs and things, With many clever tricks.

They wrote great books and put on shows Of genius they'd no lack. It wasn't long till chickens owned The Duckville Daily Quack.

One day a mother duck who took Her ducklings to the lake, Was flabbergasted when one said, "A swim I will not take!"

"Why duckling's always swim" she gasped, "It's what you're built to do! Like bunnies hop, and crickets chirp, And cows most always moo!"

"You're nuts!" her son replied, "That stuff is all old hat! It's wrong for birds to swim, besides It's damn cold on my prat!"


Oh fie!" the mother duck exclaimed, "You're talking like a fool!" Up quacked the other ducklings then: "He's right! We learned in school!"

"Such talk must stop!" the mother cried, "Those hens can't tell such lies! For sheer ingratitude and nerve, I'm sure this takes the prize!"

But she was wrong, for even then The hens did thump the tub Demanding they be let into The Duckville Swimming Club.

"But you don't swim!" the ducks exclaimed, "To join, why should you care?" "That's not the point" the hens replied, "To exclude us isn't fair!"

The younger ducks, who'd been to school Agreed right there and then: "To keep them out is bigotry! 'Twould just be anti-hen!"

Outnumbered by the younger ducks, The old ducks soon did lose. The hens could join the Swimming Club, If they would pay the dues.

That night the Duckville Daily Quack Contained this banner spread: "REACTIONARY DUCKS ARE LICKED! DUCKVILLE MOVES AHEAD!"

Down at the Duckville Gaity, The young set laughed with glee, at cracks about "old fuddy ducks" In burlesque repartee.

Next day the hens were at the Club; A petition they'd sent round They objected to the Swimming Fund With fury and with sound.

"You use our dues to fix the pond, To keep it neat and trim And this is wrong" they said, "because You know we do not swim!"

"God help us!" exclaimed a wise old duck, "Those chickens have gone mad! We'll take this thing to court, by George! And justice will be had!"

But when they went before the judge, Imagine their dismay! A chicken judge decreed that they A heavy fine must pay!

"Minorities must have their rights!" The judge declared right then "To use hens' dues to fix the pond
very anti-hen!"

Once more the Duckville Daily Quack Emblazoned 'cross the page: "OLD FUDDY DUCKS REFUSE TO SEE THE GREAT NEW COMING AGE!"

In Duckville's church, on Sunday morn The preacher spoke these words: "Discrimination's got to stop! Remember, we're all birds!"

The wisest duck in all the town Sat down in black despair "I'll write a book," he thought, "and then This madness I will bare!"

"Let swimmers swim, let hoppers hop, Let each go his own way Let none coerce a fellow bird!" Was what he had to say.

"'Twas wrong to force the hens to swim, So here's the problem's crux: It's just as bad for hens to try To chickenize our ducks!"

"I can't print that" the printer said "'Twill put me in a mess! My shop is mortgaged to the hens The chickens own my press!"

This worried duck then tried to warn His friends by speech and pen, But young ducks fresh from school just jeered, "He's a vicious anti-hen!"

Now up the stream a little way Was Gooseville, on the lake The hens had come to Gooseville too, But the geese were more awake.

When the hens began to spoil the young And Gooseville's laws to flout, The geese rose up in righteous wrath And simply threw them out.

Of course you know where they all ran; On Duckville they converged "We've got to take these refugees" Was what the ducks all urged.

The Duckville Daily Quack declared: "Those geese will stop at naught! They plan to conquer all the world! Atrocities they've wrought!"

"That's right!" the young ducks all agreed, "We'll help our fellow birds! Those geese have plans to conquer us! We've read the Quack's own words!"

They let the hens from Gooseville in, The whole bedraggled pack And every hen took up a job On Duckville's Daily Quack.

When Duckville's Mayor's term was up, The Quack put up its duck; A vain and stupid duck he was, A veritable cluck!

But when he praised the wild young ducks And cursed the evil geese, The Quack declared he was "all-wise" His praise would never cease.

The hens chipped in to help this cluck Give grain away for free The old ducks sadly shook their heads, The writing they could see.

And sure enough, this stupid duck, He was elected Mayor From this point on, the Duckville ducks, They never had a prayer.

The Mayor said, "Gooseville must go! We'll wipe them off the map!" While Duckville slept, the scheming hens For Gooseville set a trap.

They called the geese by filthy names; They filled their pond with sticks They helped the weasels catch the geese, And other hennish tricks.

The geese got mad and threw some rocks, "IT'S WAR!" the Quack announced: "We ducks must fight those evil geese Till they've been soundly trounced!"

The ducks (who knew not of the tricks Indulged in by the Mayor) Were filled with patriotic zeal, And pitched right in for fair.

Now when the ducks had whipped the geese The Mayor called "Retreat! Our Henville friends should really take Goosevilles's big main street!"


The hens are back in Gooseville now; They starved and beat the geese They prayed for peace but organized The Henville Armed Police.

They drained the Gooseville swimming pond; And 'De-goose-ified' the schools, They wrung the neck of Gooseville's Mayor On lately made up rules.

They formed a council of the hens, 'United Birds' the name The other birds who joined the thing Did not perceive their game.

No sooner had they set this up, they announced their plan To seize up Swanville as a home For all their hennish clan.

They took a vote amongst the hens, And every one approved! "Swanville was for hens!" they said, "Way back, before we moved."

And so they kicked the swans all out With Duckville's help and power And Duckville could not understand Why swans on them turned sour.

By this time, Duckville was a mess; The young ducks had gone mad They stole and laughed at truth and law They'd gone completely bad.

The hens were selling loco weed In every nasty den But ducks who dared to mention this
labelled 'anti-hen.'

The hens all preached of 'Tolerance'; They invoked the 'Golden Rule' But they subsidized the indigent, The greedy and the fool.

At last the very dumbest ducks Began to smell a rat "This Mayor is no good" they cried "And we will soon fix that!"

But the hens had planned for even this A candidate they had, Whom even wise old ducks believed Just never could be bad.

This hen-tool duck had whipped the geese; Asoldier duck was he Although the hens had set him up, The ducks all thought him free.


This hen-tool got elected,
Through ignorance and greed,
Through hennish lies in press and speech
And bribes of 'chicken feed.'


The hens now kicked the ducks around,
Without a blush of shame
Until the Mayor ran the town
In nothing else but name.


They pumped the swimming pond all dry;
They taught the ducks to crow
While duckish numbers dwindled,
The hens began to grow.


The hens stirred up the happy crows
From out the piney wood
To fight and mix and marry ducks
In the name of 'Brotherhood.'


Things got so bad that fifty ducks
Who knew of days gone by,
Took up their wives and children
And decided that they'd fly.


They flew through storm and tempest;
They froze, and many died
But on they drove, until at last
A lovely lake they spied.


They settled down exhausted,
But soon went straight to work
To build and clear and cultivate,
No danger did they shirk.


Now after many years of toil,
This little band had grown
The fields around were full of grain
From seeds that they had sown.


The first ducks now were long since dead;
Their struggles long had ceased
Through hard work and through suffering
Their joys had been increased.


One day down near the entrance gate
There was an awful din
A hundred hens, all out of breath,
Were begging to come in.


"Oh, let us in!" the poor birds cried,
"Before we do expire!
'Tis only by the merest inch..."


This epic really has no end because
No matter how you fight 'em,
Those hens will show up every time
And so... ad infinitum.