http://thedailydrawing.com/Video_Ha.....ter_Armor.html It's Mr. Jingles, hamster of WAR!

God, it's been a long week.

Wow, I went from sleeping for 12 hours at a time to not sleeping for two days! Also haven't shaved ... bathed ... eaten? I can't remember. Wuuuugh. Ahhh, I fondly remember the days when I'd crack out a request in the morning, take a quick nap, then do it again that afternoon. But those days are gone. Gone FOREVER. Or, no? Hopefully not. Hey, this page took 1.234 seconds to load, so says FasterFox.

Gametap is evil! EVIL! Space Empires IV! It ... oh, it was horrible!! And ... and then there was Zeus and FarCry and ... Spore comes out in September? That's cool. I have a pinched sciatic nerve in my back, apparently. Moving hurts. Hurhurhur. Hey, now FasterFox says 2.703 seconds. TREACHERY. I'm kinda hungry. I wonder if there's any FOOD left. Oh. Thirsty, too. When was the last time I drank anything? Hmmmngh.

Seriously, I want to lose myself in drawing. Why is it so hard?

Why do I always feel like I'm lying? I've made it a policy to be honest and truthful to the best of my abilities and knowledge, yet I always feel a twinge of guilt in the back of my mind whenever I talk to anyone. But why? As far as I can tell, I'm not lying to them, I'm not misleading them in any way that I'm aware of ... And yet my subconscious is on red alert, hoping that I'm not "found out". Found out for what? Am I somehow being deceitful? I guess I AM evasive about my online life to my offline friends and family. But I've never lied about it. I just don't tell the whole story and hope they don't ask any questions that hit too close. Is that it? I suppose it IS a burden on my mind sometimes.

I need to stop biting my fingers. I wonder if they make gauze gloves ...

First, my mouse dies. Ok, no problem. It's wireless and I've been expecting it to go out for a few weeks now. Change of batteries, and problem's solved. Now It's 2 AM, and I'm tired, but not enough to justify going to bed. I decide to finish a picture I'm working on, but I need reference for the hands, so I load up my old copy of Poser 3. But now ... what's this? I don't have enough MEMORY to run Poser 3! I guess a gigabyte just wasn't enough for its infinite, insatiable appetite!! Ok, screw that. I'll do what I can without reference. But no, I can't do that, because now my TABLET doesn't work. The pen isn't being sensed unless I jam it down on the tablet. Ok, FINE, I'll go to bed. But as if to spray lemon juice in open wounds, GAIM crashes as I log off.

Now Firefox'll probably die and I'll get a blue screen of death before I can post this. We'll see. I'm going to bed.

Say, does anyone know if Mike Higgs posts his art anywhere? Besides FChan, I mean. I just saw some of his art there and it brought back warm, fuzzy nostalgic feelings from my early drawing days. I feel the need to draw soft, breasty fuzz babes now.

I've been watching Enterprise on http://www.tv-links.co.uk/ for a week now. I'd never seen it before, and I'm not usually the type to watch much TV, so I was pleasantly surprised about how good it was. I can't believe it got bad ratings. Probably because its target audience consists mostly of angry Trekkies.

Damn I'm horny. It's great! I'd forgotten what it was like. Accursed Lexapro and its libido-diminishing properties!

... Holy shit! I've been registered on FA for exactly a year today. Doesn't seem that long. Wow. TIME MUNCHES ON.

Oh look! TV Links has episodes of Captain N. *snirk* 3 seasons of it, no less. I had no idea it managed to survive that long. Ahhh, memories.

*thumbs up* HFRGL.

Alright alright alright, let's get this out of the way.  min condemned me to this, but alas, I knew it was coming sooner or later.

SIX THINGS THAT I BLAH BLAH BLAH SOMETHING WHATEVER:

1: Velveeta is an exotic material!
2: I have a legion of empty soda cans at my disposal! They are prepared to die in battle at my slightest whim!
3: I can't stop chewing my lower lip! It's all chapped and torn and weird!
4: I'm wearing headphones even though I'm not listening to anything!
5: SWEDISH FISH! They're what's for dinner!
6: I just farted!

THERE! Though it may come as a surprise to some of you, I never bothered reading the rules! Therefore, NONE shall be tagged! HURRAY! The death and destruction has been put to rest for but a brief time!

In other news, I am DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY!! Why?! Because I WENT OFF MY ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!! I know! I think they're just a ploy by the healthcare system to keep people acting like good little drones! Or maybe I'm just manic depressive! I DON'T KNOW! LALALALA!

I just now realized why I haven't been drawing a lot lately. I've grown stale. I've reached a point where I'm familiar enough with the subject matters I draw that it no longer feels like experimentation. That's how I've always viewed it; I'd experiment with different anatomy styles, background techniques, still life, etc. But I'm just not feeling it anymore.

I was really disappointed with my last upload, Kali Reposing. Same tired old herm with the same tired facial expression and pose, shaded with the same techniques I've been using for years. The background was somewhat experimental, but even that didn't help.

Y'know what I mean? You wanna try something different, something challenging, but the funk you're in just draws you deeper and deeper down.

I need to work on my requests and trades. That'd be something different. And while I'm at it ... need to browse some tutorial sites ... experiment with different digital techniques ...



... Also, why am I uploading to FAP? I already sink an hour or more everyday into this place. I don't need to be doing it twice.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?d.....cism&hl=en

Got this off of  mifmaf's journal last night. Ended up watching it all night.

... I don't know what else to say. It's well-reasoned, and the implications are terrifying. America's issues with civil liberties suddenly makes sense now ...

End-user license agreements are bullshit. You buy a shrinkwrapped piece of software, crack it open and install it, only to discover that you've inadvertently agreed to become the company's bitch. What do you do? You can't return opened software; the best you can hope for is an exchange, and then you're back where you started. You could of course just not install the software, but then you're out however much money you paid for it. No, the only thing you CAN do is bow your head in defeat and click "I agree". Agree to whatever bewilderingly anti-user clauses are contained therein.

Well, I for one am sick of it! Telling me I can't legally work around any "technical limitations" you put in your software? That's low. I'm looking at YOU, Microsoft. Defective by design indeed!

http://www.boingboing.net/2007/01/2.....greemento.html

Heheh. I might try sending off an E-mail with that to some company the next time I become livid with rage over anti-user practices.

READ CAREFULLY. By accepting this journal you agree, on behalf of your employer, to release me from all obligations and waivers arising from any and all NON-NEGOTIATED agreements, licenses, terms-of-service, shrinkwrap, clickwrap, browsewrap, confidentiality, non-disclosure, non-compete and acceptable use policies ("BOGUS AGREEMENTS") that I have entered into with your employer, its partners, licensors, agents and assigns, in perpetuity, without prejudice to my ongoing rights and privileges. You further represent that you have the authority to release me from any BOGUS AGREEMENTS on behalf of your employer.

My sleep schedule's all screwed up. Couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up until 3 AM playing Deus Ex. Then I woke up this morning at 8 wide awake, realized it was too early regardless, and fell back asleep until noon. Got up for an hour, had breakfast/lunch, couldn't keep my eyes open, went back to bed at 1 until 4. Made dinner. Now it's a little past 6 and I realize I've only been up for three hours today.

I think I've had artist's block for several months now. It's the only way I can explain being able to draw two requests a day to doing nothing for weeks at a time.

I'm still tired. Need to go for a walk or something.

From  lacrimas's journal:

"Anjel and I have started a new community on LJ for beginner level artists to come together and grow :) There will be trades and tutorials, and even gifts for those that improve! You'll get lots of positive and constructive comments on your art and get hints and techniques from guest artists. Negative and non- constructive comments aren't allowed so you're sure to have a positive experience.

So please go sign up!

http://community.livejournal.com/ma.....ridge/340.html "

---

I thought this idea was just too cool to ignore. I've seen far too many LJ communities whose only purpose is to bash artists, so it's great to see something positive and upbuilding for once!

I've been totally disoriented for almost a week now. Dizzy, half-aware, confusing dreams with reality ... this would prove interesting if I'd, y'know, get off my ass and draw. Need more twisted, fucked-up sketches.

Mnnrfgrbl.

I'mnagot'bednow.

Or: I'm so good at wasting my time.

Came across this today:

http://smw.72dpiarmy.com/

It's a Mario deathmatch game! Like a retro Smash Bros.! And it's like ..... well, it's fun.

... Don't judge me!

http://zeldaparallelworlds.googlepages.com/home

Go! Look! A hack for Zelda 3: A Link to the Past that turns it into an entirely new game! I've played a few Zelda 1 hacks, and I've always been hoping for a Zelda 3 one, and there it is! AT LAST!

Also, it's like .... hard, or something. I think I spent the first hour or two delving through catacombs without a sword, fighting off guards with any pots that happened to be lying around. Not like you kids today all set up with your shiny little knives and shields! Back in my day, we had to WORK for our weapons!

Ok, I'll shut up. But seriously, go check it out.

... Oh yeah, also stumbled upon this in my excursions:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OnDYssFcNxc
It's a video of some guy who hijacked a WGN station 20 years ago. Is that not the most surreal thing you've ever seen?

I spent the past couple of days making my own font. Why? So that even the most professional documents can be degraded by my shitty handwriting! GYAHAHA!

I ordered a gig of RAM off Newegg. I have a bad habit of always ordering stuff on the Friday before a holiday weekend. According to my tracking number, it took three days to get it from Baldwin Park, CA to Portland, OR. Now it's just sitting there. Seriously, it got a "location scan" today just to let me know it's still lounging there, not doing anything. UPS mocks me!

Oh, apparently I hit 20,000 pageviews awhile back. Wasn't I gonna draw something for 10,000? Oops.

Aaagh, I need to take half a day and just draw until my spleen melts. I've got THINGS in my brain, and they're not letting me think straight. Not that I ever could anyway, but you know.

http://xoomer.alice.it/mononline/un.....oworldbeta.htm Some screenshots from a beta version of Super Mario World. Look at the date! 1989! And look down there! Raccoon Mario! That's some crazy shit. And apparently this was originally slated to be a NES game until Sega forced Nintendo's hand with the Genesis. Alas, what might have been. I love seeing stuff like this. Need to find more prototypes ...

H'oh man ... check this out:

http://the-structure-of-man.blogspot.com/

It's a series of 178 videos on drawing human anatomy. I've only watched the first one so far, and it's a little hard to follow at first because the guy kind of rambles, but then it clicks and you're like WHOAH! He's basically explaining a new technique of learning anatomy, by making up your own structural rules and being able to draw anything from your mind without reference. But holy shit, it's gonna take forever to go through all of these. The introductory lesson alone was almost 20 minutes. It will be my new life's goal to watch all of these and glean the lessons within.

.... Christ, posting anything anymore is like trying to start an ancient truck in the dead of winter. Upload attempts: 14

I was talking with Purplecat a bit ago, and somehow the conversation got shifted to furry.ao.net. I'd almost completely forgotten about it, and was actually surprised to see that it still existed. This was the first furry art archive I'd ever discovered, before I'd even started drawing, way back in mid '98 or so.

Anyone remember David Hopkins? Apparently he's still doing webcomics on a regular basis, which also surprised me, but anyway. He was one of my favorite artists back then, and I checked his F.A.N. archive regularly, even though his stuff scared the shit out of me. Seriously, I was only 14, and something about his 'toony style mixed with comics about death, violence, love, fear ... deep stuff ... it just really freaked me out. I was in a daze for half a week after reading Rework the Dead. But DAMN that was a good story. I'm afraid to read Jack, or even look through his gallery. His stuff fills me with a strange mixture of fear, depression and nostalgia. But he's still one of the major influences from my early drawing days that sticks out in my mind. Can I really call him an influence, though? My style and subject matter are about as far from his as you can get. He was the first furry artist that warped my mind, though, before even Doug Winger, so I guess that counts for something.

So! Who was YOUR mind-warping influence? Inquiring minds want to know!

Zero divided by zero = nullity! Oh wow, I didn't think nullity was actually a word. That's even better!

I've been trying to have lucid dreams. No success. Mainly because my dreams are riddled with false memories. It's becoming disorientating. I see a place in a dream, and I'm suddenly struck by an onrush of memories pertaining to that place that never happened. I also have memories of artwork I've never done. Though that's actually kind of cool, because the art in my dreams is always old and forgotten, yet really well-done, invoking a sense of nostalgia and regret that I don't put this kind of effort into stuff anymore. But anyway. It makes for disorientation because my dreams sometime are more real than reality. I have a clearer memory of dreams than I do of real events, and yet it's distant, like they're some else's memories. I recall them clearly, but they have no impact or connection to real life. When I was a kid, I used to think that dreams were real, and reality was only part of my imagination. Maybe it is!

I haven't drawn in forever. See, this is why I don't take commissions. I'd be stressing out if I had an obligation to finish these requests within a time limit. With the exception of a few trades. Glarghblargh is not a word, according to Firefox!

What am I on? Soy milk! And yes, you can have some too. It's really quite good. Thick and creamy. It's what gets me up in the morning. I need to buy some more.

I just realized, my video card has a buttload (not a word?) of mysterious ports on it. I wonder if I could hook a game console up to it. I'd kinda like to get a Wii. (Not a word, either! Damn you, Firefox!) But then there's Spore! I'd much rather get Spore. Damn you, Will Wright! Damn you for being so AWESOME! *choked, bitter sobbing*

Stream of consciousness!

***

Truth or Dare? Okay, here's the deal........ You get to ask me *THREE QUESTIONS*, no matter how crazy, inappropriate, or just random, and I promise to answer it 100% truthfully (thats the "truth" part) ..........now I dare you to repost this and see what people ask you!

***

I am frightened yet intrigued as to what this meme shall leave in its wake. Ask me something, and I shall attempt to answer truthfully to the best of my knowledge.

*Braces for impact*

Ok, so I'm playing Oblivion ... yes, STILL ... and I'd just collected enough random enchanted crap to achieve complete invisibility with a 110% chameleon effect. So I'm wandering around in the west weild, attacking random bandits and watching them go "AAAGH!! ... must've been the wind", when I find this isolated house. Not marked on the map on anything. So I go inside, murderize the two bandits there, don't find anything of interest, and leave. But as soon as the outer world loads, I get a message saying I've found an oblivion gate! I turn around and HOLY SHIT the house I was just in is a smoldering shell with a gate right in the center!

... Ok, so maybe it's not that surreal. But I'm alarmingly tired, so I figured I'd write it down before my mind files it away in a battered crate, never to see the light of day again.

Look! Flying mouse pixies riding combine harvesters! WHEE!

I'm having disquieting thoughts. Or, no, more like disquieting emotions. I can't seem to focus on any one thing, so it all blends into a vague feeling of anxiety and discontent.

... HAHA! I just realized. In the past, I used to unload my problems on my characters. Raei, especially. I don't do that anymore. It doesn't even occur to me to try. I was never very good at character development, but my skill seems to be especially bad now. Are writers and artists schizophrenic? Do their characters take on a life of their own, living in some dark corner of the artist's mind? Maybe it's the medication I'm taking. My thoughts feel so dull. I probably should've mentioned that when I went for a checkup last Wednesday.

Do you confide in your characters? Do you think of them as real people? Do they sometimes talk back?

I like to think mine did at some point. But maybe that's just wishful thinking impeding on my memories. I'm honestly not sure now.

I'm reclusive by nature. For most of my online life, I've kept a low profile and basically had one or two good friends. Really, I only joined FA because I got sick of the fact that most of the images were blocked without a membership. I decided to upload a couple of pictures just for the hell of it, and it went from there.

Anyway ... lately I haven't been online as much, been declining to RP ... Used to be I'd have ten conversations and an RP going all at once. But lately my old nature has been kicking in again, and everything I'm doing seems strange and foreign.

I think that, for the time being, I'll step back a bit. Upload whenever I finish something, but generally stay offline and out of conversations unless I feel the need to do otherwise. The whole concept has been mentally draining lately.

Also ... Kinsmir wanted me to spread the word about a challenge/collaboration thing he's got going on ...
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/49975
Check it out and contribute if you feel the urge to do so, the results could be interesting.

I'm never gonna get anything done! EVAR! Oblivion's already taking up a good chunk of my free time! And I checked Gametap a bit ago! Farcry, Serious Sam 1 and 2, Civilization 3, Pro Skater 4, and ... and Sam & Max! SAM & MAX!! Game over, man! GAME OVER!! I'm turning into a junkie.

I kinda feel like I've been drifting away from the community lately. Not replying to comments, uploading only half-ass sketches, not chatting much ... not sure why. Sorry about that.

I also bought Oblivion yesterday. This could lead to drastic consequences. If I ... don't make it out alive ... tell my toaster I love her!

GAHAHAHAHA!! I ordered a GeForce 6200 PCI video card. The last generation of a dying breed! Hopefully that'll keep my system going for at least another year. And I'll finally taste the sweet, sweet nectar of pixel shading! Oh yes! OH YES!