5

Independent Movie Theaters Have No Audiences

If you're on the hunt for pandemic-themed films to binge, Outbreak was basically the 90's version of Contagion. During the course of its story, it teaches two important live-lessons that are still (mostly) relevant. 1) That Academy Award winners Dustin Hoffman and Cuba Gooding Jr. shooting the monkey from Friends in the ass with a tranq dart is objectively hilarious:

4

WrestleMania Getting Canceled Hit Indie Pro Wrestling Worse Than WWE

Generally, going to a wrestling event doubles as going into a giant sweaty, germy, petri dish. When WWE decided to make WrestleMania 36 a closed event with only essential personnel (ie: no audience), indie wrestlers were the ones who got pinned. Forced to cancel shows and activities planned in conjunction with the main event, the independent wrestling community was dealt a "devastating financial blow" that one organizer likened to "-- five years of work being wiped away."

Ronald Sumners/ShutterstockIt helps to attach a human face to problems like this...and then obscure that face in a gold polyester mask covered in lightning bolts.

Unfortunately, things are likely to get even worse. Since COVID-19 seems to be taking its sweet time leg-dropping humanity, a slew of future events are going to get axed next. WrestleMania weekend might be the best-known and most lucrative shows for indies, but their season is year-long, and proceeds from one event pay for the next, and so on. Plus, the (non-virus) exposure gained at an event like WrestleMania is a massive boon to struggling independent wrestlers in terms of merchandise sales, future bookings, and a chance to put themselves on the global wrestling radar.

3

The Fan Convention Boom Might Be Done

Even if you're not an overly-anxious germaphobe, the idea of attending a nerd convention -- where hygiene can be questionable best -- should strike you as a bad idea these days. While July's San Diego Comic-Con is still a "go" ... for now, a host of fan conventions and events have already been canceled. It's unfortunate for the public, but it's tragic for the artists, small businesses, service workers, and others who depend on these events as their primary source of income. When events are canceled, even if that's absolutely the right thing to do, it's a massive financial hit for all involved. And if virus-related cancellations continue long-term then the massive convention boom, that geeks currently enjoy, could regress back to the basements of the '80s and '90s as big exhibitors are forced to pursue other lines of work to stay afloat.

F-Stop Boy/Shutterstock...And while the ability to build a perfect Master Chief suit sure impresses the hell out of us, it probably won't have the same effect on most employers.

2

Dog Walkers And Pet Sitters Are At The End Of Their Leash

Unless you're one of the damned, stuck circling the world on a COVID-infected cruise ship, coronavirus has likely sent your vacation directly down the crapper (Along with your last bit of toilet paper). And while you might not immediately associate pet sitting with the currently-gasping tourism industry, the whole concept depends on people 1) having pets and 2) not being at home. As you might have grasped, it's that second part that's recently become a problem. Since people are suddenly working from home and quarantined, pet sitters are fresh out of lonely guinea pigs and puppies to feed and care for.

1

Social Distancing Is Cutting Down Small Salons and Barber Shops

Let's be clear, you'll all need barbers and stylists in the post-apocalypse to fix whatever dipshit haircut you tried to give yourself -- whether or not your former cutters are there to do it remains to be seen. Generally, unless LeBron is shooting shows in there, most hair salons and barbershops aren't making bank on a good day. Add forced closures, along with public fear to that equation, and there's a good chance some establishments may simply never reopen.

For owners, there's the question of how to keep up with rent or mortgage payments when shut down. And if a closure isn't mandated, they're left to weigh the pros and cons of staying open and letting barbers and stylists earn what they can. Others try to find a middle ground, "cutting" costs while things are kinda hairy.

Wideonet/ShutterstockSorry, but we couldn't spend the rest of our lives with that dumb joke inside of us.

Stylists and barbers themselves are in a similarly sticky situation. Social distancing guidelines are pretty much out the window when you're trimming someone's hair, so they're forced to weigh their need to earn money against their need to not land in the hospital. Unless you know how to get fat hazmat suit gloves through scissor handles, each client is a risk with a well-aimed sneeze or cough. And while some workers are actually employees, the majority are independent contractors who rent a station or booth from the shop/salon owner -- meaning there's no such thing as job security or group health insurance if things really go south. So, yeah, look for buzzcuts and failure bangs to really take off as the "it looks" this fall.

Top Image: Dragon Images/Shutterstock