You’ve had yet another disappointing date on Tinder. So you think to yourself, could love become any more soulless?
Well yes, it could.
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For those who have given up on the opposite sex, or just fancy something a bit novel, why not try a sexbot?
Maybe the chat’s a bit boring, but at least they look like your favourite movie star – or even your ex (stalker alert).
For instance, one man in Hong Kong spent a fortune creating a robotic woman that looks like Scarlett Johansson for a bargain £34,000.
While you may be expecting a demure Pris from Blade Runner, or even a chiselled Gigolo Joe from AI, you may find what you ordered looks more like the love child of the sex doll off Only Fools And Horses and a Bratz figure.
However, in the near future, supposedly we’ll be begging our offspring to put us in a home, as realistic bots will eventually replace staff – and take care of our every need.
Like in Westworld, entrepreneurs are looking into creating sexbot theme parks. And soon you will be able to 3D print your own.
If you are willing to risk the dangers, here are six love machines that are available right now. And hurry – there seem to be a lot of sales on. Just check you don’t get one that’s been returned…
1. Roxxxy
Roxxxy’s been around the block a few times.
Available since 2010, this sexbot comes with artificial intelligence, an articulated skeleton, and customisable hair, eyes and skin colour (as well as other bits).
She is linked wirelessly to the internet, enabling her to email her owner and receive software updates.
Roxxxy is so realistic, she even has a heartbeat and circulatory system – thanks to sensors.
And the company promises the doll’s personality can be altered ‘so she likes what you like, and dislikes what you dislike’.
£7,735, truecompanion.com
2. Harmony
Harmony is the thinking man’s ‘love doll’.
Turn up her intellectual setting and she will recite poetry or crack jokes. She will remember your favourite food, films and music, and is programmed to be witty and charming.
However, more sinister is the fact you can dumb her down and shape her personality from 18 traits – even jealous, moody, or ‘frigid’.
And she has 42 different nipple options, if you so require, as well as an optional transgender penis extension.
In fact, her ‘usable’ parts can be put through the dishwasher.
£4,000, realdoll.com
3. Rocky
Sexbots for women and gay men are harder to find than Mr Right.
There are plenty of ‘love dolls’, that come with a range of penis sizes, from limp or small (6in) to X-large (11in).
However, when I tried contacting the manufacturers, to discover whether these dolls do anything other than just lie there and think of England, I am met with a wall of silence. Hmmm.
Paying £5,000 for a shop dummy isn’t my idea of fun.
The nearest I got to finding a bona fide male sexbot is Rocky, which you can pre-order. However, there is no picture on the site, not even of Sly Stallone.
When I contact the makers, I do get a response – promising that an ‘updated’ Rocky is, er, in the pipeline. When I ask for details, or even whether you can buy the original Rocky, I am again met with the familiar silence.
Still, If you want to risk £7,750 of your hard-earned wonga on a promise, just visit True Companion.
4. Samantha
Samantha is for the caring lover.
Designed to respond to kisses, she ‘orgasms’ when you hit her g-spot – and develops a headache when you don’t (OK, I made that last bit up. However, she does have a sleep mode).
Samantha also has sisters, in fashion or fitness versions. But you’d better hurry, as there’s a sale on.
From £2,500, syntheaamatus.com
5. Cow Kylie
If you’re on an budget, and pneumatic blondes are your thing, why not head to Dublin where, for just £88, you can enjoy an hour of (silicone) passion. Or check out the company’s only sexbot dating agency – Lumidolls.
However, if you don’t fancy sloppy seconds, you can buy your own bot.
Doing their bit for Europe, all LumiDolls are certified by the EU.
But they are not for the sensitive lover. Some of her sisters have ‘cow’ versions – featuring overly large breasts. Big-knockered Kylie, for instance, currently has 18% knocked off the price.
From £1,500, lumidollsstore.com.
Would you ever go robot?
Why not? Give it a go
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Er, no way
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I've already got myself one
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Listen to our podcast Good Sex Bad Sex
If you liked this story you should give our new sex podcast Good Sex Bad Sex a listen – it’s out every Wednesday.
The show is available now on iTunes here and on Soundcloud here.
Metro bloggers Miranda Kane and Bibi Lynch co-host the show, chatting to a different guest about all things sex and relationships each week.
Think good cop bad cop – but with more handcuff action.
You can also follow the show on Twitter here.
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