Every single day I go out on the porch, in the morning or the afternoon. Every single time I am out there my cat smokes. He smokes Newport reds like a fucking white boi party rocker. I know that he isn't like into that stuff but I still cant get over how fucking dumb that is. Smoke something stronger, smoke something harsher, your cancer will just be sweet and juicy if you keep up with those. Everyone else will have a nice pebbly phlegm coughs and spit out a clump of white steel wool. You'll just leak out the side of your mouth like you ate rat poison you pathetic Piece of cat litter shit.
I don't say anything though, just cause im so fucking nice you know. Apart of me knows that little fucker pretends too, he pretends so hard to be something, not something that he isn't though but that just because hes nothing. He has no fucking structure to a personality, he just mimics the most recent person hes been around for a day or two. Sometimes he will steal a catchphrase in mere fucking minutes the little fuck. He acts like he didn't even mean to like it was just something he thought of too. He literally acts like a fucking sociopath. He doesn't know any good movies he doesn't know any good artists, he listens to lofi hip hop and 6ix9ine like a twat. But he talks about how much he digs punk and underground culture and graffiti like he actually knows anything. Like he is some really cool fucking guy. My cat once told me that he loves reading, yea he loves reading the same Kurt Vonnegut book maybe one and a half times. Oh but I shouldn't forget about that time he read Catcher In The Rye like a fucking champ.
Recently my cat started listening to "techno" which actually means he listens to some dude on sound cloud who uses a phone DJ app to turn the volume up and down on a Venetian Snares song. The other day I heard him playing a dub step version of All The Love In The World by NIN, I mean the fucking balls on this cat. What if my fucking friends were over and heard that shit. Fucking Christ. Also this fuckwad gets up every single day 3 hours late to work for some guy paying him way too much to do "construction" on his house cause this fucking pussy cant get a real job. I know all he does when hes there is watch youtube videos of people playing VR games and texts me to ask if he should pick up any toilet paper and when I say "yes please" he just comes home empty handed and acts like he didn't see the text till it was too late.
I've tried both imagining this is your furry, feline, mascot smoking cigs and being douchey, and I have imagined you're using a euphemism for your human roommate. The cat image won.
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Every single day I go out on the porch, in the morning or the afternoon. Every single time I am out there my cat smokes. He smokes Newport reds like a fucking white boi party rocker. I know that he isn't like into that stuff but I still cant get over how fucking dumb that is. Smoke something stronger, smoke something harsher, your cancer will just be sweet and juicy if you keep up with those. Everyone else will have a nice pebbly phlegm coughs and spit out a clump of white steel wool. You'll just leak out the side of your mouth like you ate rat poison you pathetic Piece of cat litter shit.
I don't say anything though, just cause im so fucking nice you know. Apart of me knows that little fucker pretends too, he pretends so hard to be something, not something that he isn't though but that just because hes nothing. He has no fucking structure to a personality, he just mimics the most recent person hes been around for a day or two. Sometimes he will steal a catchphrase in mere fucking minutes the little fuck. He acts like he didn't even mean to like it was just something he thought of too. He literally acts like a fucking sociopath. He doesn't know any good movies he doesn't know any good artists, he listens to lofi hip hop and 6ix9ine like a twat. But he talks about how much he digs punk and underground culture and graffiti like he actually knows anything. Like he is some really cool fucking guy. My cat once told me that he loves reading, yea he loves reading the same Kurt Vonnegut book maybe one and a half times. Oh but I shouldn't forget about that time he read Catcher In The Rye like a fucking champ.
Recently my cat started listening to "techno" which actually means he listens to some dude on sound cloud who uses a phone DJ app to turn the volume up and down on a Venetian Snares song. The other day I heard him playing a dub step version of All The Love In The World by NIN, I mean the fucking balls on this cat. What if my fucking friends were over and heard that shit. Fucking Christ. Also this fuckwad gets up every single day 3 hours late to work for some guy paying him way too much to do "construction" on his house cause this fucking pussy cant get a real job. I know all he does when hes there is watch youtube videos of people playing VR games and texts me to ask if he should pick up any toilet paper and when I say "yes please" he just comes home empty handed and acts like he didn't see the text till it was too late.
I've tried both imagining this is your furry, feline, mascot smoking cigs and being douchey, and I have imagined you're using a euphemism for your human roommate. The cat image won.
Genuine, or shitpost, I enjoyed your complaint.
"Wot dey doin or der" the cat wonders as he watches the birds.
I don't know what the fuck I just read but it's fucking beautiful
Wtf did I just read? You sound like a shit poster. This doesn't belong here.
it's a smoking cat.
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