When The Mirror started publishing every single invasion of privacy, the crown retaliated by seeking an injunction on the story and suing Perry. Fortunately for the snooper, he didn't have a criminal record or a cousin in al-Qaeda, so he could only be prosecuted for breaching his confidentiality clause. But The Mirror and its head editorial ghoul Piers Morgan denied any wrongdoing. They claimed they were justified, having exposed serious security flaws. It's a bit like your landlord claiming you should thank him for showing you how easy it is to install cameras in your bathroom.

Wanting to avoid further embarrassment, the queen quickly settled, dropping the charges if The Mirror stopped publishing details and paid legal fees to the tune of 25,000 pounds ($42,800). Morgan agreed ... while simultaneously bragging that he had already made a small fortune telling everyone the color of Prince Philip's pajamas.

But The Daily Mirror and Ryan Perry did make a single worthwhile contribution to investigative journalism: They exposed what a shit job being a royal footman is. Not only did readers find out it only pays a measly 11,881 pounds ($20,340) per year minus living expenses, but footmen also have to sleep in tiny rooms, share toilets, and are banned from walking in the middle of hallways to avoid wearing out the carpet. Who would have guessed that being the personal attendant to royalty was Britain's equivalent of being a greeter at Walmart?

Related: 16 Reporters Who Totally Crossed The Line For A Story

For days, the nation followed the rescue of Frida, who had become a symbol of hope. But cracks soon started showing in the story. Sometimes it was reported that Frida was communicating by wiggling her fingers and tapping on the concrete. Other times she could talk to rescuers, giving them her name and telling them about other trapped girls nearby. Also strange: The undersecretary-general of the Mexican Navy declared that all the elementary school children were accounted for, dead or alive, and that Frida Sofia wasn't real and never existed. That's when people started getting real suspicious.

When confronted, the news team took a long look at their own journalistic integrity, shrugged, and blamed it all on lying rescue workers and an uncooperative navy. Blaming the actual rescuers always goes well.

Related: The 5 Ballsiest Lies The Mainstream Media Passed Off As Fact

Among Carvalho's biggest fans is the alien pill bug wearing the skin of Henry Kissinger known as Steve Bannon, as well as Jair Bolsonaro. So when Bolsonaro became president of Brazil, he immediately made Carvalho, a man who doesn't believe the Earth revolves around the sun, the "guru" of his administration. And as the president's (far) right-hand man, Carvalho installed several dedicated followers into key governmental roles, including the foreign and education ministers. He also has access to the president's Twitter account, and in this day and age, we don't know which is the more terrifying power.

So how is the experiment in governing by comment section going? Not great. Turns out Carvalho's picks were as crazy as, well, him. His education minister was fired after only 92 days for not one but several scandals, including trying to revise the national curriculum to assert that Brazil's former military dictatorship was right to murder dissidents. But Carvalho just had him replaced with another acolyte, and now the education system is run by a guy who thinks communists are trying to overthrow the government by getting everyone high on crack cocaine. It seems that as long as Carvalho is around, Brazil will keep getting a government of crazy uncles, by crazy uncles, for crazy uncles.

Related: The 6 Most Obvious Lies People Got Famous Telling The Media

The country's ruling People's Party accused the filmmakers of spreading "fake news insulting the nation," which is a criminal offense there. And as with all fake news, it's really hard to know who to believe. On the one hand, the highly corrupt police state claimed they got a (definitely not coerced) statement from the mother and daughter featured in the film that they were paid to lie. On the other hand, several human rights organizations accused the party of trying to cover up the country's crippling poverty and child prostitution rings. It's a real puzzle.

Luckily, the crew were all foreign nationals, placing them out of reach of Cambodian authorities. Except for their translator, Rath Rott Mony, who was arrested and scapegoated to two years in prison on the charge of incitement to cause discrimination. Discrimination against whom, the judge wouldn't say. Politicians, we guess.

Related: 6 Insanely Reckless Media Accusations That Ruined Lives

And to be fair, both stories of adoption are almost too crazy to be true. Felipe had been taken to the court by his single young mom to start the adoption process, only to be immediately given to Noble because she happened to be hanging around the courthouse. Around the same time, little Marcela just appeared on the mogul's property as a foundling. Hopefully a magical one.

These accusations didn't just come from her enemies, but also from the Abuelas de la Plaza de Mayo (or Grandmothers of the Plaza de Mayo), an organization that dedicates itself to reuniting stolen Argentine children with their families. (The organization's chief grandma believed Marcela was her long-lost granddaughter). This was enough for the government to start an investigation and pressure the Noble kids into a DNA test. But Felipe and Marcela, who for some reason didn't want their legitimacy as the heirs to a billion-dollar fortune questioned, refused to cooperate.

This went on until 2009, when the government passed a law allowing compulsory DNA testing of suspected stolen children. This culminated in a high-speed car chase, with armed police chasing Marcela and Felipe's limo through the streets of Buenos Aires. The police arrested them at gunpoint, and took them back home so they could strip and hand over their clothes for testing. But somehow the siblings vanished, then reappeared wearing ill-fitting clothing with several strands of DNA on it. Suddenly, in 2011, the Noble family allowed for extensive DNA testing of Felipe and Marcela's blood, which turned out to be no match with any of the listed dissident families. With that, the illegitimacy story slowly faded away ... right in time for the two kids to inherit their mother's media empire in 2017. Those Nobles sure have a great sense of timing. Must be something in their blood.

E. Reid Ross has a book called BIZARRE WORLD that's on store shelves as we speak. Or you could just order it now from Amazon or Barnes and Noble and leave a scathing/glowing review.

Abraham is your friendly neighborhood, Mexican lawyer. You can say hi to him on Twitter here.

For more, check out The 4 Stupidest Things The News Apparently Cares About - Does Not Compute:

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