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Goblin Cock, Diarrhea Planet, Lil Poopy & 13 Other Unfortunate Musician Names

Pooneh Ghana
Diarrhea Planet

There's no guaranteed pathway to success in music. There is, however, one surefire way to make things super hard on yourself: Pick a name that people can't say, spell or refer to without resorting to cutesy euphemisms on TV, radio or the internet. Radiohead? Weird, but you can say it. Butthole Surfers? OK, bad example, because the Texas madmen had a measure of success in the 1990s despite their explicit handle.

That doesn't seem to have slowed down stoner metal band Goblin Cock, who dropped their third album, Necronomidonkeykongimicon (click here to listen) on Joyful Noise Recordings on Friday. The group, led by Pinback's Rob Crow (under the pseudonym Lord Phallus), has established a reputation for doing everything a band isn't supposed to if they want to grab the big brass ring of success. It's all clearly a goof, but they're not the only ones who've picked an NSFW name that might be holding them back.

L.A. Reid on Lil Poopy's Epic Records Deal: 'Not Signed Here, Baby'

We give you 13 bands/artists who are doing themselves no favors:

Goblin Cock

Lil Poopy

​The controversial 13-year-old lyricist released his first rap record, Ima Cokeboy, in 2009 when he was just 9 years old. The Massachusetts rep -- whose father was reportedly arrested in June and charged with conspiracy to distribute cocaine -- also appeared on season 1 of Lifetime's search for the next pint-sized hip-hop star, The Rap Game

Exploding Fuckdolls

This Orange County, California, punk band fronted by former pro skateboarder Duane "The Master of Disaster" Peters (Die Hunns, U.S. Bombs) and featuring twin brother bassist Art Godoy and drummer Steve Godoy (also former pro skaters) released one full-length, Crack the Safe, an overview of songs recorded from 1991-94. They appear to be on hiatus -- sorry, mom.

Diarrhea Planet

The rocking six-man garage punk band from Nashville has managed to carve out a successful life on the road and in the studio over the past eight years, releasing three albums -- including this year's rocking Turn to Gold -- as well as three EPs with a sound that mixes classic rock bluster with punk rock attitude. Even though their name sounds like worst NASA discovery ever.

Poohman

The Oakland MC (who also goes by MC Pooh) had a brief moment in the sun in 1992 when his album Funky as I Wanna Be peaked at #158 on the Billboard 200 albums chart. He released a pair of CDs on Jive in the early '90s and dropped his most recent effort, KAOS Theory, in 2014, with production by longtime collaborator Ant Banks.

Junglepussy

​The professional name for Vice Records rapper Shayna McHayle is in-your-face on so many levels. She's gotten tons of props from the likes of Erykah Badu and Lil' Kim for singles such as "Cream Team" and her 2015 full-length debut, Pregnant With Success, which featured her signature mix of humor and wry social critiques. Not a ton of airplay though because, well, the name.

Tea Bag Boyz

Talk about a one-hit wonder (without the hit). This crew are best/least known for their 2011 anthem "Tea Bag," in which they promise to do some not very polite things to your lady. It's not clear what happened to Self, DJ Will, Johnny Handome, Sha and Keino, but you can bet they got stuck with a ton of those "I Am a Tea Bag Boy" T-shirts.

Jon Cougar Concentration Camp

This San Diego-bred Rancid-esque trio first got together in the mid-1990s, releasing albums on punk labels including Second Guess Records, BYO Records, before splitting in 1999 and reforming in 2009 to release My Hair Hurts. Somehow, mainstream success has eluded them, despite this very rational explanation of their name in 1997: "We were just making fun of John Cougar Mellencamp, obviously. We were just calling him John Cougar butt-camp, and we just came up with Jon Cougar Concentration Camp. We get more publicity 'cause of that than because of our music, definitely. I mean, we're probably doing him more of a service than anyone. Punk rockers don't listen to Mellencamp."

Shorty Shitstain

One of the lesser-known member of the Wu-Tang Clan-affiliated Brooklyn Zu crew (Buddha Monk, Merdoc, Raison the Zoo Keeper) that rolled with Ol' Dirty Bastard, Shorty appeared on ODB's Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version and 2006's Zu-Chronicles, Vol. 2: Like Father, Like Son.

Gay Witch Abortion

Shawn Walker and Jesse Bottemly don't seem overly concerned with Billboard chart domination. Their noise band's two full-lengths and live shows are a bizarre mixture of metal power and experimental jazz time signatures that often sound like a needle stuck in a groove. Also, they're called Gay Witch Abortion... so.

Fucked Up

Who says Canadians are all nice and polite? Someone forgot to tell this Toronto terror, which has been pummeling audiences with their epic punk anthems at shows that often devolve into chaos and destruction. Despite their troublesome name (and cryptic stage handles that include 10,000 Marbles, Pink Eyes, Mustard Gas and Concentration Camp) the band has gained a respectable following, earned some glowing reviews and released three well-received albums on Matador Records.

Tough Tits

The U.K. trio made up of Liz, Ayesha and Hells has been together less than a year, but their debut EP, Hairless, gained praise on both sides of the pond even if their name combined with the mini-album's title are just about the most NSFW thing you could ever Google. Smash the patriarchy indeed.

Shit Robot

Sometimes a bad band name doesn't really fit the sound. This DFA Records band is a perfect example. The pseudonym for veteran Irish DJ/producer Marcus Lambkin has been used to release a string of inoffensive, groovy electronic tracks over the past decade.  

Candlemass' First Grammy Nod Underscores Doom Metal Band's Resilience

Courtesy of Napalm Records
Candlemass

Despite breakups and health issues, the Swedish band's 30-plus-year career continues with March EP 'The Pendulum.'

Candlemass staked its place as architects of the doom genre with its iconic 1986 debut, Epicus Doomicus Metallicus. While the Swedish band has been active on and off since 1984, the quintet — singer Johan Langqvist, bassist Leif Edling, rhythm guitarist Mats “Mappe” Bjorkman, lead guitarist Lars Johansson and drummer Jan Lindh — recently gained traction thanks to a perhaps unexpected but well deserved Grammy nomination.

It was a first both for the band and its Austrian-based label, Napalm Records. While the 2020 best metal performance honor went to the expected winners and least “metal” of the nominees, Tool, Candlemass’ “Astorolus: The Great Octopus,” with guest guitar work from Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi, was a more than worthy contender for the prize.

The track is on 2019’s The Door to Doom, which was almost the record that wasn’t, explains bassist, songwriter and founding member Edling. That’s because 2012’s Psalms for the Dead was meant to be Candlemass’ swan song.

“We had been going for so many years, and we didn’t always put 200 percent into it anymore. And with problems with my blood pressure and health, I hit the wall quite severely. I thought we should give it a rest. And the plan was the rest of the band should carry on [with] playing live without me, and whenever I could, I would join in. But,” he says with a laugh, “when you make plans, a lot of times, those plans change.”

Edling admits that about 70 percent or 80 percent of The Door to Doom’s lyrics deal with his struggles with chronic fatigue syndrome, which laid him low. Only now, he’s finally almost back to normal.

“It’s no fun being in bed for five years,” he understates. And the hangover from that time is in his head and in his music. “When I was younger, I always dreamed about falling from cliffs or high buildings. Now, I always dream I’m about to drown, which is totally about my disease.” (That said, Candlemass played the 70,000Tons of Metal cruise in January, though Edling preferred “margaritas on the beach” to the ocean.)

Vocalizing Edling’s experiences on the album is Langqvist, the band's voice of doom. Yet the record marks the singer’s return to Candlemass after 32 years: The band has disbanded twice in its history, with Edling pursuing other projects in those interims, and there have been five singers between Langqvist’s tenures. The lineup says of Langqvist’s welcome 2018 return: “The circle is closed.”

The power of the rejuvenated group was palpable, though the Grammy nod still left Edling musing about the circumstances surrounding the nomination.

“I mean, you can do a great album, and nobody will notice. You work hard on it and think it’s great. You get good reviews, but it doesn’t sell and nothing happens,” he says. “But you do the same album, like, five years later, and all of a sudden, all things click. I mean, what’s the difference from what you did 10 years ago? … Maybe it’s the secret magic ingredient of Mr. Iommi. I have absolutely no idea about [how Grammy nominations] work.”

However, 2020 is looking to be a banner year for the band. With Candlemass’ full-circle journey, Edling’s health finally on a rebound and the renewed energy from the Grammy nod, the future of doom -- Candlemass-style, at least -- has never been brighter. And another positive is swinging in the group’s way: the March 27 release of The Pendulum, a six-song EP of tracks cut during The Door to Doom sessions with producer Marcus Jidell in Stockholm.

Initially, in true epic doom style, a double-album soundtrack was brewing in Edling’s head. With about 20 songs in the works -- including instrumentals -- he began to think his ambitions were too grandiose.

“It was a really good decision to squeeze everything into one single album,” he says. “Even though I’m a big Beatles fan, I’m a big Led Zeppelin fan, [I still believe bands] should only make single records. I mean, Guns N’ RosesUse Your Illusion; what’s the use?”

The bassist will agree that as concept albums go, Pink Floyd’s The Wall is actually worthy of two records. “But I guess you come to a point in your career sometimes when nobody can say no to you. When you’re Led Zeppelin in 1975-76, nobody can say no to you. When The Beatles say, ‘We have a lot of songs,’ who is going to say, ‘No guys, I think you should cut half of it now. Paul, please?’”

So Edling edited himself, and the resultant EP is not so much leftovers from The Door to Doom as extras, evidenced by the instantly infectious title track that has shades of speedy early Black Sabbath with massive grooves and riffage. “To know when to stop is a really, really hard thing to do," he points out. "It’s easy to go on and on and on and say, ‘Hey, guys, this is f--king brilliant.’ It’s hard to lock yourself out of the studio because it’s fun to be in the studio.”

Indeed, he spends a lot of time hunkered down there: Edling has a young son in school -- he drops him off, goes to the studio for “dad fun” for six or so hours -- and returns to pick him up. At 56, he’s not a young dad, but he also makes the point that his fellow nominees in the best metal performance category weren’t exactly newbies, either. “We’ve all been at it for ages and ages. Where are all the young bands, you know, who were supposed to kick our ass?” he asks with a laugh.

While the attention from the Grammys didn’t catapult the band to household-name status, Edling has smaller goals: “I have never been endorsed [by a musical instrument company] in my life. Maybe somebody could throw some nice bass amps my way? If you play guitar, they throw the amps on you like popcorn!”

Delain Hopes to Empower Fans, Not Burn Bridges, With New Album 'Apocalypse & Chill'

Tim Tronckoe
Delain

Singer Charlotte Wessels doesn’t want to "underestimate" the Dutch metal act's followers by telling them what to think.

Throughout their career, Dutch rockers Delain have espoused a melodic, larger-than-life sound meant to inspire and empower their fans, even when tackling somber subject matter. Their sixth album, Apocalypse & Chill (Feb. 7, Napalm Records), is no exception -- although given the topsy-turvy state of the world, there is an underlying tension and shades of darkness that imbue the album with a greater weightiness lyrically and musically.

“There’s more heaviness, but there’s also more softness,” offers composer-keyboardist-producer Martijn Westerholt. “I think that’s the good trade from this album. It’s very diverse and very intense.”

Apocalypse & Chill’s title was inspired by the contrast between the album’s love songs and those on the set that feel apocalyptic and dystopian. “It’s kind of a mirror to the world these days: all the ‘perfection’ on social media married with the world being on fire,” says composer-lyricist-singer Charlotte Wessels. “It’s very much about the zeitgeist. I thought the wordplay on ‘Netflix and chill’ conveyed [life] today.”

Even though romantic sentiments and fantasy imagery have permeated much of Delain’s work, the symphonic metal quintet -- which also includes guitarist Timo Somers, bassist Otto Schimmelpenninck van der Oije and drummer Joey de Boer -- has explored many other themes. “Generation Me” from 2012’s We Are the Others tackled social media narcissism, while that album's title track was written about the brutal 2007 murder of British girl Sophie Lancaster and her boyfriend. (They were targeted because of their goth attire.) And the overarching theme on Delain’s last full-length album, 2016’s Moonbathers, was death itself. (So far, the band’s catalog has earned 28.7 million on-demand streams, according to Nielsen Music/MRC Data, and has appeared on such Billboard charts as Heatseekers Albums, where both Moonbathers and 2019’s Hunter’s Moon peaked at No. 5.)

Apocalypse & Chill is a bit different, but not out of character. While the video for lead single “Burning Bridges” reflects the agitated state of the world, it comes across as more socially conscious than overtly political.

“We’ve never really tried to do that,” asserts Wessels. “You write about the things that go on in your head, and you write about emotion. If you look at the world today, it’s hard to not write about it. But you don’t want to underestimate your listeners by telling them what to think. Usually, if a situation works itself into a song, then people listen to that. Sometimes that’s enough because in the end, people can do the math for themselves and can make their own decisions about ethics and morals and complicated topics of ecology and social issues.”

Watch the video for “Burning Bridges” below:

Meanwhile, the singer says that track “Let’s Dance” is about “a doomsday rave,” and remarks, “I hope we’re not there yet. Hopefully, it will make you think.” Another like-minded song is “Legions of the Lost,” which preaches about economic inequality and political deception without pointing fingers or naming names.

The video for “Burning Bridges” was shot amid the mountains of the Snowdonia National Park in Wales by U.K.-based company Video Ink, which created the 2019 clip for “Masters of Destiny” in Iceland. Delain has been very pleased with its Video Ink collaborations, which also have yielded the recent live performance/lyric video for “One Second” and the brand-new “Ghost House Heart.”

The concept for “Burning Bridges” came from the lyrical theme, “talking about the protagonist who’s going from place to place, trying to escape negative energies,” says Wessels. “But they keep sticking to him. So at one point, the question is: Are these negative energies actually in your environment, or are you the one who’s causing them? Or do you need to resolve a conflict with yourself?... The guys from Video Ink took it to a whole new level with our little boy who is so unfortunate to be the protagonist in this story and causing mayhem wherever he goes.”

The video for “Ghost House Heart” is unusual in that it is the first time since the 2007 single “See Me in Shadow” from its 2006 debut, Lucidity, that Delain has released a ballad as a single and video. The group shot the new clip on rainy Friday the 13th in a dark, cold and allegedly haunted house in the heart of Liverpool, England. Westerholt loved the vibe of the location and the day. The video only features him and Wessels in the house intercut with moody shots of churning clouds and water.

Wessels says that “Ghost House Heart” developed out of a piano jam session with Westerholt, and it invokes many ideas in her mind’s eye -- desolation, dystopia, ice, snow and homesickness. “A key lyric for me is, ‘I live in the shadow of your love,’ so it’s reliving something that’s already been and knowing that you can’t return,” explains the singer. “It’s a small video, but it’s very much about the atmosphere and the emotions that the song conveys.”

One Apocalypse & Chill song that touches upon a very real-world issue is “Chemical Redemption,” which is Wessels’ mea culpa for her words in “Your Body Is a Battleground” from 2016’s The Human Contradiction. She was angered by seeing a lot of people who had received “the wrong medication or overmedication,” she recalls. “The lyrics in that one were very angry toward medicine in general and that [pharmaceutical] industry having too much power and [valuing] money over health. It was angry but not nuanced.”

Like any other performer, Wessels is used to being trolled by armchair critics, but this was the first time people commented negatively about her lyrics where she really took notice. A number of fans who relied on various types of medication on a daily basis were unhappy with how she had broached the topic.

“I felt really, really bad about it,” concedes Wessels. “I wrote most of them back personally: ‘I’m so sorry. It came from a place of anger, and I’m going to learn from this as a songwriter.’ I think I made peace with most of them. Ironically, I myself am depending on certain medication right now, and I thought it was good to do a follow-up [song]. All the nuance that I didn’t put into that track back then is put into this one, so this is the redemption song from my perspective. There are two sides to every story, and even in a medium where certain fiction and making things bigger is allowed, it’s still good to be nuanced when it’s about people’s personal lives and, in this case, people’s bodies.”