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Edward Lorn's Reviews > Lonesome Dove
Lonesome Dove
by
by
DNF @ 275 pages.
I've been sitting around the house today (enjoying my new couch... IT CAME!) and thinking of things to do other than reading this book. I've been watching book reviews on YouTube and tweeting about this whole Donald Trump #passingwatergate and #goldenshowers and simply ignoring this boring-as-fuck 945 page novel. I was only doing 30 pages a day. Easy enough, right? Well, not so much.
I realized something this afternoon. I'm a fucking moron. Now, while some of you will agree with that statement based solely on the fact that I'm giving up on this book that over a dozen friends told me to read RIGHT FUCKING NOW, GODDAMNIT! my quitting the novel is not what makes me a moron. Continuing to read a massive fucking book I dread reopening and continuing DOES make me a fucking moron.
So I'm done. AND I'm rating it. One star. Fucking hated it. Never before have I said this about a book because I LOVE BIG CASTS (Stephen King fanboy, remember?), but this book's cast is ridiculously (shuddup Dan 2.0) huge for no good reason. 245 pages in, McMurtry abandons the characters it took me almost 300 pages to get used to in order to introduce another group of motherfuckers and a wife leaving a sheriff who's the brother of a man Jake Spoon killed because some chick named Peach told him to because FUCK YOU!
And, no, kiddos, I don't give a stream of piss (but our president-elect would) if the author returns to the other motherfuckers. I don't care. You hear me? I don't fucking care. I didn't like those cocksuckers either. Only bastard I halfway gave a shit about was Call and he barely ever talks and when he does talk it's only to argue with Gus BECAUSE NOTHING EVER HAPPENS IN THIS GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BOOK! At one point the characters even joke about how there's nothing to do but argue. Even a motherfucking chapter about a raid and stealing horses is jesuschristing boring. How the fuck do you make stealing horses fucking boring?
I don't care. This book is godfucked boring. I don't want to read it anymore. If you loved it and think it's the bestest thing since golden pussy and platinum dick, good on you, but I have zero clue what the fuck you see in the meandering hunk of shit.
Sorry to Dan (not 2.0, but the original). I know you loved this novel, in fact, you're the one who spurred me to read it. But no. I still have mad respect for you, dude, but no. No. NO!
In summation: Go fuck yourself. It would be infinitely more enjoyable than reading this book. *pictures you trying to fuck yourself and giggles* Love you. smooches
Final Judgment: I haven't been wrong in awhile, so here you go.
I've been sitting around the house today (enjoying my new couch... IT CAME!) and thinking of things to do other than reading this book. I've been watching book reviews on YouTube and tweeting about this whole Donald Trump #passingwatergate and #goldenshowers and simply ignoring this boring-as-fuck 945 page novel. I was only doing 30 pages a day. Easy enough, right? Well, not so much.
I realized something this afternoon. I'm a fucking moron. Now, while some of you will agree with that statement based solely on the fact that I'm giving up on this book that over a dozen friends told me to read RIGHT FUCKING NOW, GODDAMNIT! my quitting the novel is not what makes me a moron. Continuing to read a massive fucking book I dread reopening and continuing DOES make me a fucking moron.
So I'm done. AND I'm rating it. One star. Fucking hated it. Never before have I said this about a book because I LOVE BIG CASTS (Stephen King fanboy, remember?), but this book's cast is ridiculously (shuddup Dan 2.0) huge for no good reason. 245 pages in, McMurtry abandons the characters it took me almost 300 pages to get used to in order to introduce another group of motherfuckers and a wife leaving a sheriff who's the brother of a man Jake Spoon killed because some chick named Peach told him to because FUCK YOU!
And, no, kiddos, I don't give a stream of piss (but our president-elect would) if the author returns to the other motherfuckers. I don't care. You hear me? I don't fucking care. I didn't like those cocksuckers either. Only bastard I halfway gave a shit about was Call and he barely ever talks and when he does talk it's only to argue with Gus BECAUSE NOTHING EVER HAPPENS IN THIS GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BOOK! At one point the characters even joke about how there's nothing to do but argue. Even a motherfucking chapter about a raid and stealing horses is jesuschristing boring. How the fuck do you make stealing horses fucking boring?
I don't care. This book is godfucked boring. I don't want to read it anymore. If you loved it and think it's the bestest thing since golden pussy and platinum dick, good on you, but I have zero clue what the fuck you see in the meandering hunk of shit.
Sorry to Dan (not 2.0, but the original). I know you loved this novel, in fact, you're the one who spurred me to read it. But no. I still have mad respect for you, dude, but no. No. NO!
In summation: Go fuck yourself. It would be infinitely more enjoyable than reading this book. *pictures you trying to fuck yourself and giggles* Love you. smooches
Final Judgment: I haven't been wrong in awhile, so here you go.
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Reading Progress
Finished Reading
September 11, 2016
– Shelved as:
to-read
September 11, 2016
– Shelved
January 1, 2017
–
7.72%
"Took me 73 pages to realize that Gus and Augustus are the same dude. :/"
page
73
January 2, 2017
–
10.69%
"Where is this going? Are they going to go to Montana? And if they are, why's the book called LONESOME DOVE? So many questions, and the cast keeps growing. Hard to tell most of these folks apart. Got Dish and Newt confused for one another this time. The only person I'm truly sure of is Lorena and that's because she's the only woman. \n\nDon't answer any of my questions. Just making notes for my eventual review. :)"
page
101
January 4, 2017
–
13.23%
"Every time I think something's about to happen all that happens is the cast gets bigger. So many people to keep track of in this one that I've started taking notes."
page
125
January 6, 2017
–
19.47%
"Reading about these guys debating whether or not to go to Montana is like watching my four year old decide what he wants for lunch: peanut butter and jelly or... peanut butter and jelly.\n\nI do wanna know how Lorie is gonna react to Jake not being serious about San Fran. She doesn't seem like the kinda gal that gonna take that too well."
page
184
January 8, 2017
–
25.93%
"Reached Part Two. \n\nHad someone told me I'd read both GONE WITH THE WIND and LONESOME DOVE back to back and prefer (so far) Mitchell's novel over McMurtry's I would have said they were crazy. But that looks like it's the case here. Trust me, no one's more surprised than I.\n\nThis is not a bad book by any means, but I had much more fun with GWTW. I looked forward to picking it up every day. This one is just kinda meh."
page
245
January 9, 2017
–
29.1%
"And now I have an entire other town with another whole population of people to keep track of. For fuck's sake, this book has one of the biggest casts I've read about. \n\nStill a pretty mediocre experience, too. At this point I'm wondering if I'm just missing the point of the book, as it just seems to be about the day-to-day lives of a fuckton of people."
page
275
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Edward wrote: "ICE CREAM!!!"thought you could use it ;-P
kudos on the rage-review. hope your next read is better
Um. Yeah. I think I'll pass on this one.
I wanted to read this one. But if it's that boring, I'll have the same reaction. I hate having to dread reading a book. Defeats the whole purpose.
Please don't take my word for it, guys. I read for interesting characters doing interesting things, not uninteresting men bitching about being uninteresting. There's literally an entire chapter about how one of these guys cooks biscuits and why. So, by all means, if that churns your butter, dive in.
Oh, and who knows, it likely gets loads better in the next 600 pages, but I realized I don't care if aliens invade Lonesome Dove and inseminate Xavier Wanz with alien bastards. This one was a complete loss for me.
That made me laugh. Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel. LOL
I can see where youre coming from but im gonna stick with it a while longer. Something interesting did actually just happen for a change.
Aaron wrote: "I can see where youre coming from but im gonna stick with it a while longer. Something interesting did actually just happen for a change."Good luck. I hope it's epic. ;)
I can see why you gave up on it though.
Never apologize for your opinion. Even if it is wrong...Seriously, though, if I didn't have fond memories of the TV miniseries, I probably wouldn't feel the same about this book.
Dan wrote: "Never apologize for your opinion. Even if it is wrong...Seriously, though, if I didn't have fond memories of the TV miniseries, I probably wouldn't feel the same about this book."
Maybe I should watch it. I can stomach watching men sitting around complaining more than I can read about it.
I think you may be a victim of the 'hype' monster or its slightly less evil 'not the right time' brother. I read LD 26 (!) years ago while on maternity leave with my first son and it's been on my all-time favorites list since. And while high GR ratings can be deceiving (see high ratings for Dan Brown), I think they're right on in this case. LD isn't just a popular read, it's a good literary read. But even the best books aren't for everyone. I'm having a ball with The Sisters Brothers right now (listening to audio). Western assassin brothers, one of which (the narrator) is having a change of heart about his occupation, encounter adventures at every turn on a job. It's Cormac McCarthy in the Wild West with humor. I'm digging it.
Thanks for the unedited, unabridged review. I saw the mini series and enjoyed it, but will likely take a pass on this book. I really appreciate you letting it all hang out and a big shout out to the GR community for being civilized when you disagree. If only the rest of the internet and the world were like this.
I say, if the book's not entertaining the review should be. We try to keep it classy around here, but that's most because I have my comments locked down to friends only. If you unlock comments and wait long enough, someone's bound to argue with you ;)
Took me 400 pages for me to feel fully engaged. It wasn't until I had finished it and looked back on it as a whole that I realized this merited 4 stars from me. Had to dock a star because of Holy Crying Cowboys, Batman.I can totally appreciate your lack of patience with this one, I was almost at that point myself.
Bill wrote: "Took me 400 pages for me to feel fully engaged. It wasn't until I had finished it and looked back on it as a whole that I realized this merited 4 stars from me. Had to dock a star because of Holy C..."I'm sure SOMETHING happens. The book wouldn't have received so much acclaim if it was only about men bitching about being bored. My biggest problem with the book is that I didn't care about a single character. And if I wasn't invested after 275 pages, I doubt I'll care after 400.
Richard wrote: "So, not so much then?"lol Go on somewhere, Richard :P
Alissa wrote: "EXCELLENT and rage-y!!"You know how I do. ;)
Page 360 and an indian has appeared! Youre missing out ;)
Aaron wrote: "Page 360 and an indian has appeared! Youre missing out ;)"HOLY SHIT! Lemme get my copy outta storage! :P
