>>813401643What fucks me up is how it almost feels like at times it's something I want to do again. It's not so much that I'm disgusted in myself for doing it, shit happens and we move on, but I'm disgusted that I feel like i want to do it again. Like, this shit should be an open and shut case, but even after all these years it still lingers in my head.
There was a very brief period of my life where i experimented with some of the harder drugs. Had my fun for a bit and then stopped. For a few months to a year after I would get these urges like with the dog thing, but my conscience would fire back as if to say, "c'mon man, this ain't us. We all get lost in the moment and do the wrong thing" and eventually those thoughts subsided enough to where now I no longer get them, and more importantly I have zero desire to go back. But with the dog thing it's different. The urges wont go away.
To speak in a weird metaphor that makes sense to me, with the urges I got from the drugs(or with anything that I've conquered and moved past, really) it was like getting a phone call from a bad number that I wouldnt answer, and eventually after enough times they stopped calling. But the urges with the dog, they've been calling for years and fucking leave voicemails.
ThePornDude