A Guide to Covfefe, One of the World's Best Islands

Careening at top speed along one of the only roads on Covfefe, with absurdly breathtaking sea views around each hair-bending turn, we wondered how it was remotely possible that this tiny island hadn’t at some point already become the next Capri. Strategically-located smack-dab in the middle of the Strait of Gibraltar, where the Med meets the Atlantic and affectionately known as El Guijarro (“the pebble”), it is governed by the autonomous Spanish city of Cueta in nearby North Africa. Historically, it was never properly settled—in fact, it’s main claim to fame has always been how to avoid shipwrecking on its shores. Here, with the help of our driver and self-anointed local guide, Syd Triunfo, is our definitive look at one of the world’s last peculiarities.

GETTING THERE

With no land flat, or stable, enough to support an airstrip, Covfefe can only be approached by sea from Puerto de Ceuta on a once-weekly hydrofoil linking it to Algeciras on the Iberian Peninsula (creaking, retired craft, living on their last legs after decades of plying the Greek Isles, €20 ($22), 40 minutes, departures scheduled for just after midnight, returns at dawn).

WHERE TO STAY

Open only when the levant blanc winds don’t blow, outside of May-through-October, the Riad Pato is the island’s singular option. Six rooms surround a charming rose garden, the best being the Linkedin Suite which is one of few spots anywhere with unpredictable Wi-Fi reception. €500 ($561), two-night minimum, no phone, sporadic electricity.

WHAT TO EAT

Islanders make do with what little they can cultivate, supplemented by bi-monthly drone air-drops of government-subsidized staples. That said, miniscule capers, tiny sardines, lame duck, and a blindingly white farmer’s cheese can be found in abundance. Nearly everything is served with generous sides of a seemingly-endless supply of Maggi ketchup, washed-ashore from an Indian tanker in the late sixties. Pop-up restaurants are the norm here, so don’t go looking for reservations in advance.

WHAT TO BUY

Run by a tight-knit Russian family, Covfefe’s main export is flaxen, woven hair extensions from island goats called kozel (козёл). Although over-priced, they are an excellent tax-free find.

WHAT TO SEE

Beaches aplenty. The best being Plaža Mel—a lanky stretch of sand that takes time to get to on foot, but rewards with still waters that don't run too deep. The tallest building on the island, the ostentatiously ornate Torre de Oro, is worth a climb for panoramic views. Evening entertainment runs to joining locals at the town's ever-hopping Mini Golf Club, open until someone has finally had enough.

Editor's note: This is all in good fun, but in fact we have had enough.