https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c225le/update_wifef33_and_i_m34_decided_to_try_for_kids/

I'm sorry to drag ya'll through the worst of my insecurities. I definitely channeled quite a bit of my negative shit into what I posted. But hey, that's what anonymous people are good for sometimes I guess.

Anyways, we finally sat down after she got home last night. I told her everything that was going on. The Urologist, the money, the upcoming appointment. I told her how, even with all her reassurances, too many suspect things kept happening.

She agreed how everything looked, and immediately apologized. She didn't realize how much my last exs cheating was still affecting me. She knew I was off going into the weekend, but thought we addressed that. We talked about it Sunday, but I can get pretty internal with all these worries and not show them outwardly. And so while she had thought we were communicating, I wasn't. We decided to start from the beginning and go through everything together.

The money was the real problem for me. She agreed how inconsiderate it was with where my head was at to do that without mentioning it. Apparently the prenatal visits are so structured that they want you to set up a payment plan with them right away, and she wanted to make sure it was squared away to keep the appointment. She offered without me prompting to call them with me tomorrow to verify that, or if I really wanted we could move the money back. She does get better rewards out of hers so it kind of made sense.

We read up on obstructive azoospermia, and it doesn't seem like they're often invincible forcefields. It seems like only the actual absence of the vas deferens (CBAVD) actually guarantees complete infertility, so it is possible for some to get through. We're going to go back to the original specialist I was working with last year and hopefully get a clearer picture. It turns out the appointment she made was the only time they had available so soon, and figured it'd be best not to wait. I told her I took off work to go with, and she was relieved I could join.

Once again, she said all the right things and seems genuine about getting us on the same page. After going through each thing I was just wishing I believed her a little more before. She's stressed out with work and when she'll have to take off, but she really seemed to want to go out of her way to alleviate my concerns. She even offered an open phone policy if I needed. We did look at the text I had seen, and it was just a girlfriend. I declined though right now, since I don't want to be that husband.

This has really made me take a deeper look at what's in my past and how that still affects me today. Even thinking back to this weekend, it was so hard to see in the moment how much all the uncertainty was affecting me. That level of anxiety literally makes you question what around you is real. I think the trust but verify is the best way to put it. I was just trying to verify without any of the trust is all. This has all put a strain on our marriage right now, but I'm feeling a bit more like we're a team again working towards easing that.

She thought that an NIPP ASAP was a great idea, as long as we also get some kind of counseling together. I'm not big on therapy, but I can probably agree that it will most likely help.

I'm feeling a little better about everything. Thanks again to everyone who reached out and shared their own story (Every other comment here I read was a story of a family member who was supposed to be barren and ended up popping out triplets), and most of all those who helped me try to communicate fairly through all of this. It's time for me to hopefully be a father.