Teaching my kids English
I'm rarely home. My stay-at-home wife doesn't speak any English. (Native Japanese)
Also, I've gotten to the point where I rarely speak English, and (when I get angry etc.) times where I used to fall back to English have now switched to defaulting/falling back to Japanese.
My 6 year old actively avoids me when I make an effort to speak English around him, but when I speak Japanese he loves his papa.
I didn't think much of it, but when we went back home he had a meltdown and screamed about how he was NOT and "america-jin" but he was a "nihongojin" and wanted to go back to Japan.
I am thinking of sending him to eikaiwa to get him started / liking English and going from there.
Or should I go gung ho spartan and refuse to speak Japanese?
Any advice is appreciated.
Agree with this. If this isn't going to change the only option you have left is an expensive international school.
You simply need to put the time in with the kid if he is going to have any chance of speaking English natively.
I have been trying to get my partner on board with remote work... to no avail... :-(
Do you mind if I ask why, if it's not prying? I'm a huge advocate of this and would love to see it have more of a foothold in Japan. First time I heard of a spouse (with young kids no less!) objecting.
I have been trying to get my partner on board with remote work
Sorry what do you mean by this? Do you mean your partner to do remote work with you?
And does this mean you also work remotely or you're thinking of transitioning?
Only buy English video games :)
edit: Also put the family computer into English
I forced my son to only play games in English and his reading comprehension has skyrocketed.
I started learning english with Shenmue. I’m a French native speaker. Shenmue’s story takes place in Japan and the whole game was in English. It somehow worked for me.
I learned English by playing games that were only available in English. It worked out for me, I now consider English my first language and it is better than my French. I was also part of an English immersion program in high school if they have such a thing in Japan.
Check out the site http://bilingualmonkeys.com/ for a lot of information and advice about raising children to be bilingual.
The bad news is that it's not easy and not automatic. I found that once my son entered kindergarten and all his friends and other people around him spoke Japanese only, he stopped speaking English at home completely. His listening comprehension is still quite good, but he doesn't like to speak it. At all.
You're right, it is. However there's still a lot of good information and articles on there that don't require buying any of his stuff.
If there are better sites to recommend, please do.
Encouragement from your wife would mean a lot in this situation. If your kid sees his mom trying to learn English and gets encouragement from her that it's a good thing, it'll mean more than coming from you, the native speaker.
Whatever you do, don’t count on eikaiwa teaching your kid any practical English. It’ll be him and 2-10 other kids drilling “I like bananas. Do you like bananas?” for an hour, in perpetuity. If anything it’ll probably make him dislike the language more and at a huge expense to you.
Agreed, huge waste of money for small English improvements...eikaiwa for kids is more like childcare than actual education.
That’s really rough. Teaching our own children is nightmarish in my experience. If you want him to thrive in an English speaking place one day or if you think you’d ever relocate as a family I’d persevere but I’d find a funner way than studying subliminally with you or formally at a language school. Is connecting with your family an option? Could anyone visit? It’s a bad sign he already has these ideas in his head at 6. School or somebody is possibly talking to him along these lines. I think it’s the rarely home part that’s allowed this to happen but I’m sure it’s not by choice. Still, perhaps you can make changes?
Traveling to see them is also a great way of increasing the kid's interest in learning that language.
Because OP speaks Japanese, his child doesn't have a real motivation to learn English. Being in a situation where it is the only option, is a hell of a motivation.
Plus, showing him around, having some cultural immersion so the kid has a link to the language beyond "it's necessary to find a job" works wonders.
Edit: Yikes... I just re-read OPs bit about the meltdown...
Yeah, but I think all your strike-through suggestions still stand.
Kids are smart enough to figure out when tantrums work and when they don’t. His son might be having real feelings of frustration and discomfort surrounding speaking English (which is fair— I’m sure we’ve all felt this way when learning a foreign language), but he’ll figure out soon enough that having a meltdown won’t change the situation and magically make people speak Japanese.
Reading is an incredible way to have a child learn a second language that a parent speaks. If you read often to your child in English, that would help, and he would probably enjoy it. There are many great picture books that kids love.
I have seen this first hand: children learn a second language because one parent read to the child every night.
_
It's not about refusing to speak Japanese ever. It's about refusing to speak Japanese and only speaking English at certain times. You can increase this over time. This also works well - making the child listen to English and later speak in English to you.
If you really want good advice on this, find the experts. Find the parents who have done this. Don't value the advice of random people who might have zero experience in this area.
It's a lost battle already. You child has no more English input or, more importantly, use for English than any other Japanese kid. Starting at six, where he is getting instructed in Japanese and needs fluent Japanese to communicate, there is no need or desire for him to learn the language, other than to satisfy your own needs--not his. In sum, why should he learn English? He knows you speak and understand Japanese.
Sorry man, he's just going to grow up monolingual. But so do millions of other kids in this country.
I will piggy back on this though and say that even if your kid isn't isn't interested in English at 6 years old, who knows what'll happen later?
I'll speak from my anecdotal experience because I think it's relevant: My parents both speak Spanish as their native language but I never learned to speak growing up. In college I took Spanish, and got good enough that now I almost exclusively speak Spanish at home. Having parents that spoke the language was an invaluable help when actually learning. Who knows, a similar thing may happen with your kid where when he's older he'll decide he wants to learn English, and having an English speaking dad ready and willing to help will be a huge assistance.
Agreed,
I had the same with mandarin. I only started really actively learning mandarin in highschool. Before I was taking french.
Now when I speak or write to them it's all in mandarin, except when it's a topic that I don't know the mandarin for.
who knows what'll happen later?
Millions of Japanese-speaking and raised in Japan half kids get an interest in speaking English, what does that mean? They magically turn bilingual? It's a need-based skill. The kid has no use for English. He lives with a non-English speaking parent, a dad who is barely there, surrounded by Japanese. His English will progress at the same rate as any other Japanese kid. Nothing special to see here.
I was born in Japan, Japanese mother, American father, was in Japan and spoke only Japanese until I was 6. Then hey we moved to the US basically on my dad’s whim (got homesick?) so I got plopped into the US education system, with tidbits of ESL thrown in, and in 2 years English replaced Japanese as my native language.
I know moving countries is not something people can really do, but just that immersion alone and having friends that could only speak English made me learn FAST.
And now I’m back in Japan working as a translator, I feel fortunate to have grown up bilingual!
This is exactly my story too— up until the working as a translator bit. I always tell people that my first two languages were a gift; I didn’t have to work for them, and I’m grateful to my parents for making that happen, even if I resented them when they would make me go to Japanese school on Saturdays.
OP, if you can find a way to immerse your child in English, (whether it’s joining a club, extracurricular class, summer camp, or even an English speaking au pair or babysitter) where his PEERS speak exclusively English, that will probably incentivize him to learn and use it.
You need to find him a purpose for the English language outside of communicating with you, especially since you clearly speak Japanese well enough that you don’t need him to speak English.
Edit:
I want to add that IMO you’re lucky this situation isn’t the other way around. I was never bullied for not speaking English fluently as a child but was bullied and ostracized by the kids in my Japanese Saturday school for not being 100% Japanese and being a little bit behind, language-wise. Speaking even a word of English would have other kids running to tattle. It made the process of learning Japanese extremely unpleasant, and that’s where the resentment came in.
For future reference, if you don't mind: Did you feel resentful of your dad for moving you all there?
Oh not at all! Growing up we seems to move place to place, I think I moved a total of 12 times before we settled in a small town in Utah. I think our family as a unit and as people just went with the flow really well, and it was more like a new adventure each time we’d move.
I was sad to say goodbye to friends in Japan, but I made a ton of new friends on the US who I couldn’t even talk to properly, but kids communicate somehow, and I remember that being a fun time. Like once I showed them this entirely Japanese game kind of like chutes and ladders, and they got the idea real quick.
I can understand how people with other different family dynamics and different personalities would take this kind of situation differently though, everyone’s different.
I'm planning to do the same with my son, but closer to 12 (I'm not a fan of Japanese Jr/Sr high schools). If I can ask, how did you maintain/improve your Japanese after moving?
I talked exclusively in Japanese with my mom, because I guess that was just the easiest thing? I also got wayyy into anime and manga, which definitely kept up my listening and introduced me to a wide variety of vocab.
Now I attend Japanese classes (taught by volunteers, mainly just chatting the whole time) to learn new things. Fun stuff!
It's a good point but more defeatist than necessary. I asked my wife who is a linguist specializing in language acquisition for input on this one.
Critical age hypothesis suggests they can still have native speaker competence with enough exposure to and practice of the language before puberty.
As SushiBoy suggests, the problem is motivation. Your are providing extrinsic motivation (making you happy or avoiding punishment), but they need to have intrinsic motivation, too. The child needs to have a need or want to speak the language. They need to view it as useful.
Can you find Engilish-only pop culture your kid might be interested in? For example, our friends in Hungary buy English Pokemon cards and anime for their kids to enjoy, and they talk our heads off about it.
Maybe you can find an English language play group for your kid to socialize in?
Any friends or relatives back home you can make regular video calls to? Make it a family event sitting around the TV a couple times a week.
Travel! The more time you spend out of Japan, the more your kids will see a use for English.
Adding on. Losing the language before puberty makes it somewhat harder to get back into it, as language learning is different at different ages, along with methods to teach.
I'm having more trouble learning Russian then I should've, considering that I used to be fluent when I was younger.
Not sure why this is downvoted. It's a fact that kids need to have a reason to speak a language- if he can get by with Japanese everywhere, then there's no immediate reason to learn English. Regular "English nights", with TV, Skype calls, etc are a good way to do this.
You're kind of late to the party. The first 7-10 years are crucial if you wanted him to speak English fluently. The way it was supposed to happen was that one or both parents exclusively should have spoken English to him. Kindergarten already would have taught him Japanese without the you having to put any effort in to it.
I say this as someone who grew up trilingual.
At this point you can only hope he and your wife will see his mistake later in life or that he finds something that he really likes that you can use. I do encourage games or books in English, something that brings his attention to wanting to know what's going on.
Giving up at 6? GTFO. Send the kid to international school, problem solved.
> problem solved.
Just throw him in an international school, problem solved? GTFO.
Also, I've gotten to the point where I rarely speak English
What were you expecting to happen? Sending him to an eikawai isn't going to just get him to start English. At this point he won't learn it unless he has to like if you moved back home and he had no choice.
I have very limited sympathy for OP. There is absolutely no way you didn't think about this before your child was born, but you took no action and 6 years later it is coming back to bite you in the ass. Even now you aren't making a real effort - talking about Eikaiwa as though we don't see the shitty statistics year on year for kids English levels here. You (and your wife) should have had a game plan from Day 1 if you were serious about your kid (A) being bilingual, and (B) not growing up thinking of English-speakers as "Other".
Very limited sympathy for OP, sure. However, I have a lot of empathy for his children, because I was in the same position at that age.
His kid learning English is not for OP, it’s for his kid, and in some ways his kid is the victim of OP not being prepared. So I’m willing to give OP suggestions that I’ve gleaned from the research I’ve done and my own personal experience as Hafu growing up in Japan and the US, in order to help his son.
We had to do it from very young with my kids, six is a bit old as others have said. If your wife can't/won't speak English, that's a huge barrier if you're not there. We kept all media (games, TV, movies) English, wife spoke both to kids most of the time. Otherwise there is no way to get it here. I still think there is time if you can make huge changes now, such as finding a job you can do from home, like translating or mixing part-time jobs. Take the initiative if necessary if this is really important to you. Someone I work with recently told me his kids can't speak English and just said, "nah it's ok, they'll learn it in junior high school". Uh, no they won't.
Don't go gung ho and only speak English to him- that'll only make him more distant from you and create resentment. Especially since you're not there much in the first place.
I'm by no means anti-Eikaiwa, but I would try something like MyGym first. English school for a kid who dislikes English could backfire.
As other people recommended, reading to kids is extremely helpful.
The trick is to have one parent or caregiver only speak English and never backslide. Kids are lazy mofos and will default to the easiest language if given the chance. When my kid was born, I made it a point 100 percent of the time to only speak English to him, never backsliding. His mom and the live in maid only speak Mandarin, but he understood that to communicate with me, he had to speak English. And he was in French and Mandarin schools until middle school, so basically taught him to speak English and also to read (15 min per night before bed). His English was not at same level as if raised in my home English speaking country, but pretty good and he had no problem to transition to an English school when he hit middle school.
Six years old is not to old, but the onus is on you to be disciplined with him to do it. Maybe can do it at same time as maybe some 3rd party tutoring or after schooling, hanging out with non-Japanese speaking kids if possible.
The trick is to have one parent or caregiver only speak English
Several of my coworkers do this, English native husbands with Japanese native wives. Even the ones who are bilingual, they speak 99% English with the kids - if you start them young, supplement it with regular English classes, they'll grow up at least understanding native English :)
A friend of mine was/is in a similar position but he just persevered and although his son who is now in the 6th grade of elementary school doesn't speak much, he does understand very very well.
So try to keep it mixed up, use both and do things together! Also, have English speaking friends around and if you can... Stop working so much.
Only English in all environments you have control over. English books, English TV and movies, English videogames, only have Anglo media. Speak to them only in English and get them into the habit of only speaking English to you.
At 6 you're probably way way too late though. I'd say you missed the boat unless you want to put in some serious effort.
Being bilingual will become a great advantage for your kid in the future. Try to sneak English in with games, toys, stories, cartoons..etc anything that a 6 year old will find interesting. My brother learned English in a non-English speaking household by watching disney channel and cartoon network as a kid (starting around age 7) and now speaks it with no discernable accent. Don't give up.
Had the same thing. My daughter always saying she is nihongojin. I talked my company into giving me a month remote work. Went to the states at my folks place for a month working evenings so she was forced to use english as my parents watched her. It was hard at first but she grew to love it and even likes to show off her new english skills now.
My kid too lost interest in English once she entered daycare. These past few months I've been bringing her to English classes (2 times a week, roughly 20 minutes per class), then we have our special table at the park where we sit and eat snack and talk about what she learnt in the class. Its been slower that I expected since she used to talk phrases in English when she was younger, but at least she seems to like English now and have been asking more and more about English word.
Btw, I work full time and my kids attend daycare, I have 1 yo baby as well that follow his sister to the English classes. (Not for studying, but just wait there untill its time to go home) Its hard to be honest, some day all I want is to go home but I still have to bring her to those classes.
Maybe you can create some fun activity with your kid where English is needed? I agreed with others though, there is no point forcing him to like speaking English, he will eventually learn it by himself when he grows especially with an English speaking father. Good luck.
I'm going to put a point forward towards the gung ho spartan approach.
Namely because I used to live with a guy who was Swedish and him and his teenage son at the time ALWAYS spoke in Swedish, when I asked why / how this happened it was because the father wanted his son to be able to communicate with the rest of the family and have opportunities in Sweden as well and the language was key to that. There was no actual enforcement of Swedish all the time (media,games, etc could be in any language) it was only when he spoke to his son and he always spoke to him in Swedish and he did that from day one.
The son himself is probably embarrassed and doesn't want to be singled out as different for any reason, it's a natural human response but it's that simple thing of, if you never do something, then you'll never improve at it. That awkward learning stage is just well... awkward but he'll never get past it if he doesn't ever actually use English.
About the meltdown: Could it be that he has an enormous pressure to talk in English as he is a "half"? That being native on this language is a given and that is stressing him?
Another possibility is that while adults value uniqueness, children put a lot of effort in fitting in. The fact that now and then he might be reminded that he isn't "fully Japanese" may cause him stress and he might be making a bigger effort into blending with his peers.
While that might be far from what's going on, it's possible that his issue with the language isn't just lack of interest but there's an emotional reason for him being reluctant.
Something that other people have mentioned is to participate with activities from other kids that have parents from similar origins. Though those children might be more proficient with English, so the first time might be rough.
In any case, there might be a component of stress blocking his capacity for learning, that's might be why he is avoiding it.
PS: I hate that "half" word. I never heard of anyone having just half of a nationality, half a passport or paying just half of municipal taxes.
Eikaiwa is a great idea. My kids also love doing English homework.
Edit: If you want some English Homework worksheets, PM me and I’ll send you some.
Watching movies in English. Especially ones they know like Ghibili, which has all there movies availible in English, Doraemon has many in English, and Lego has English, and Japanese.
And just ask them questions in English. They can reply in Japanese, that’s fine. But if they reply correctly, than that means they understood the question. Ask questions like how was your day, what did you do, how was the weather, ect.
Ideally you'd have started from birth. My granddaughter lives next door and I have only spoken English to her since she was born. We only have 15 minutes or so a day together (I work late) but at the age of seven she can still understand pretty much everything I say. She doesn't have much incentive to speak English as I understand her Japanese, but she tries to sometimes, seemingly for fun.
Another useful factor is that she can only watch Netflix in English, and she has a bunch of shows on there that she likes.
When she was old enough she asked me why I spoke English to her and Japanese to everyone else, and I told her it was because I wanted her to learn English. It helps that her mum (my stepdaughter) also tries to improve her English by reading books and listening to CDs, etc.
She also goes to English class once a week at my wife's language school. There is another girl her age in a similar situation (her father is from New Zealand) so they have a class together to mainly practice reading and writing.
Basically it's exposure. The more meaningful language children are exposed to, the more they will learn. This can be talking to the people around them, watching TV, playing games, going to class, or reading books. It's going to be harder on you to impose an English-language environment than just sticking with the default Japanese-language one, so it depends on how much you want this (and whether your spouse backs you up, 'cause if she doesn't it's going to be much harder).
Good luck.
As a half Japanese myself who was raised in various places abroad, all of which were English speaking, I only ever spoke English. My mother (Japanese) tried to get me and my siblings to learn Japanese to no avail. The last thing you want to do is force the language onto your child as it'll only make your child hate it (from my personal experience). The best thing to do is to get your child to like the language and develop an interest in it. Myself, for the past year, I have been learning Japanese through self study and I feel that it's best to learn a language once you've developed an interest in it.
In other words, take your time with it and slowly get your son to pickup the language.
Man that is tough. We are a English only household as the kids get enough Japanese from 730-5pm. Not counting the times their grandparents visit, talk to friends, go outside the house. Granted, my wife speaks English well.
I would start easing into English and work on finding something he likes in English. Good luck!
This is long, sorry! But I hope it can help, so bear with me!
Kids only realize that other kids are different around late 5 to 6 years old. When our son was graduating kindergarten, one of his friends pulled my sleeve, and asked, 'Ano....chotto omottakedo....T-kun ha, hyotto shitara, gaijin chau ka?' (you can tell we're in Kansai ;-) ) 'Um....I was thinking.....is it possible...is T-kun maybe a gaijin?' These kids were together for two years at this point. I explained that yes, he is part gaijin because of me, and part Japanese from his Dad. He ran off to tell his news, and I kept hearing. 'Honma ni!' and 'Eeeeeh!'....they really hadn't noticed until then. The kid himself hadn't!
This is where you son is now. He has just discovered he is different, new info to him. His solid identity as one and the same as his friends has taken a hit, and it's earth-shattering to a 6-year-old. He is rethinking everything.
The meltdown has me wondering if he is being teased or bullied as the 'difference' has become apparent to his peers. It's possible that he's being called an Americajin, being told he's not Japanese, or being called things like 'gaikotsu-jin' to get a rise out of him. It's the same stuff that happens everywhere...kids being called 'four-eyes', 'fatty' etc, kids are obnoxious and and cruel to anyone who doesn't fit the mold of their little world exactly. They'll zero in on his lighter hair, or different colored eyes. My son would only speak English with me at home after this, and would tell me, when he was planning to have friends over, 'Remember now, Kaachan, no speaking English while my friends are here!' (as if they are not going to notice Mum's a gaijin as long as she keeps speaking Japanese!). I complied, it gave him a buffer from the struggle he was dealing with. His uncertainty continued into 2nd grade, and then he got a handle on it all and was fine.
He did rebel in high school, again struggling with his identity. He was getting a lot of 'You're hafu! Why aren't you going into the English course instead of the math/science course'? and 'Of course he gets good marks in English, he has a live-in tutor!' and other ignorant remarks blurted out by people without thinking. Gaijin = English and that was that, I guess. He got really frustrated. He got through that, too.
Sorry this is so long, but the problem is probably bigger than hating English. See if he's comfortable in his own skin, see if kids are giving him a hard time. If he's being bullied for being hafu, then in a child's mind, that's your fault. Kid logic....don't be upset with it, ask questions, encourage him to ask you questions he may have on his mind.
I think you need to get your wife on board. He has a native English-speaking father, it's a great leg up on learning English, I hope she can see that. Many foreign families have the native speaker speak only English at home, some had English Sundays/Mondays etc all their kids' lives, one day a week during which only English is allowed. You may have missed the boat on this now timing-wise. When he's not upset anymore, try again. It's never too late.
Ban all TV for him except English programming on Netflix, with English subtitles on.
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